It's Monday, How has your day been? Mine has been a little slow but good. I applied for a new position at my current job. Hopefully I hear back from them soon.
That's not why I'm writing though. I've been stuck listening to love songs most of the day. For some reason my ipod insists on playing only love songs. I know there are many other genres on my little device, so why is it playing girly, mooshy, love songs? Finally I couldn't take it and hit the forward button a few times without paying attention. In hopes of something different would play and I got my wish. One of my new favorite YouTube songs played.
OH JEFFEREY
This is my other favorite song from him, but I haven't downloaded it yet.
I'M READING A BOOK
Thank you Julian Smith for making my day better with your songs. Also thank you to JW for making me smile today.
This morning at about 6:10 am a man knocked on my door. I was sitting up in bed, trying to get motivated to start my day. Well this knock sure got me going. At first I thought it was someone at the neighbors door. Then i heard it again, I walked up to my bedroom window and looked outside. I didn't see anyone or anything. A third knock on the door, gets me moving my ass down the stairs and looking through the peephole. A man in a black oversized hoodie standing right against my security door. I wait... He knocks again. I can't see his face or hands. I have no idea who it may be and I'm starting to get scared. I walk over to get my house phone, and he knocks again, on my window this time. I froze, listened and heard footsteps. Panic was starting to get the best of me and I decide to walk back up to the door and look out once more. he had backed up about half way down my walkway. I still can't see what he looks like, not even the color of his skin. Then I hear ...HELP... as he sways and paces on my walkway. He walks back up towards my door then walks away. I didn't notice he had a bike until he started walking away. As he walked out of sight, I called the Antioch Police Department and reported him as a suspicious persons. I later reported the incident to my management and was given the phone for the office of our security. I didn't even think about calling security this morning.
My biggest worry is what if my kids had answered the door instead. My kids leave before 7 in the morning to go to school. If this person would have come a little later, the kids would have walked right out to him waiting on our walkway. The kids and I will be having a conversation about what we should do in these kind of situations. Also, this makes me think it's time for me to get something to protect myself, family and home.
The rest of the day was pretty relaxed. I sorted through some old clothes that I was going to use for a quilting project. I found clothes I've been looking for in a box I thought was full of sewing scraps. My shower was fixed today, so now I can take a bubble bath and not just showers. YAY! I am definitely taking a bubble bath tonight. Yes I am, because I deserve one.
So, how about a song now... Just because. 311- Amber
I was going to write about Third Eye Blind tonight. As I started writing another song came on Itunes. A song that I like, but it gives me a tinge of pain. Wait, is tinge a word? I think it is. Jason Mraz's Who's Thinking About You Now. I listen to this song often and have a ugly habit of answering his question in a bitter tone, in my head, while the song plays. As the song nears the end I always want to say Yeah Right! ... I didn't realize how bitter and angry I had become about love and relationships. Yet, I listen to this song over and over again. Is this my own way of torturing myself? I look through my playlist and see what I have in them and see that one in particular has a lot of song that make me look bitter, angry, and maybe a bit psycho. Haha , okay, not funny Lisa. I'm really keeping up on my promise to myself about relationships/ men/ love/ friends. I'm doing so well I have made some "friends" walk away. Oh well, not my problem. Or is it? Have I become so bitter and self involved that I have pushed everyone away? Maybe. This is supposed to be the Year of Self, right? It's helped weed out people, sadly a few who I thought were important walked away and the ones I hoped would leave, have been trying harder to get my attention. DAMN IT! It backfired, or am I just that bad of a person? I am working on becoming a better person, I guess i'm going about it wrong. So many questions and no answers. *sigh*
I keep telling myself in the end it will all be worth it, but at what cost?
Well enjoy the song. Jason Mraz aka: Mr A to Z is one of my favorite artists of all time.
2012 has come to an end, well just about. So much happened this year and yet not much of what I wanted. You can't always get what you want, right? Let's do a quick recap:
-I went back and forth to San Francisco to help Ryan and his family pack for their move. It was a chapter ending and new chapters being written for all of us. The house in San Francisco was like a second home. It was my getaway, a place for me to think and to get lost in adventures alone in the city & woods. I miss it so much.
-My cousin Michael was married and I had the chance to see my fathers side of the family.
-I decided to go blonde then went back to a color as close as I could to my natural color. I love the blonde but, I swore i would let my hair grow out for one year. It's so hard to not dye it.
-I disowned my mothers sister, that is all.
-I saw Jason Mraz & Christina Perri in concert.
-I started school again and will graduate August 2013.
-I was fortunate to hang out with some old friends & two tried to teach me how to snowboard.
-I was told I'm not the kind of girl you take home to mother. I'm too different/weird/cool to have as a girlfriend- I'm forever in the friendzone or the booty call zone. These people are no longer my friend but sadly it seems thats the kind of guys I attract, so I have no new guy friends. When did sex become a requirement for friendship? Like I said I just happen to attract those kind of guys. I'll pass!
-I also lost friends when I started school. I wasn't able to drop what I was doing for people, so they quit talking to me all together. Oh well, their loss.
- Friends passed away and I had to say goodbye too soon. I guess that's just the way it is.
So, what have I learned?
I learned that some friends weren't really my friends. That even family isn't what it used to be. I'm not marriage or even girlfriend material, so I should start collecting my cats and spinster hats. I watch too many movies, or I need to watch more movies. Not sure which. I am emotionally stronger and less stressed than I have been in past years. I no longer have interest in making new friends. I don't care if you like me or want to be friends. I have learned to be comfortably alone, it doesn't bother me anymore.
I will end this blog with a song dedicated to 2012. It was a little rough but not to bad and, it made me so much stronger than I thought I could be. No looking back, only moving forward.
