I'm Getting Bored but....

      This week went by fast, at least it feels that way for me. I feel as if nothing was accomplished. I haven't had a chance to work on a project all week. I haven't been able to clean my house the way I like it, and I need to do laundry. GAH! Tomorrow is going to be busy. I did sleep in today, which is why nothing got done. I think I needed that extra sleep because I feel more energetic. It could be that I masturbated twice today too. I haven't done that in a while. I guess I needed that too, ha ha.
      There is less than a week left in this month. I will be changing to a new 30 Day Challenge. February is my sewing challenge. I will work on a variety of sewing projects every day. I am thinking thirty minutes to an hour a day should be good. I will go into more detail later in the week.
      So lets get on with my boring photos...

Day 20/365: Making lists & plans for future blogs. Also planning out my sewing projects so I can complete them in time.

Day 21 of 30/365: I wore my favorite shirt to school today.

Day 22 of 30/365: Chomping on some yummy french bread I bought at Safeway. I ate the whole thing and even wrote a blog about it.

Day 23 of 30/365: Just a little bored.

Day 24 of 30/365: Ignoring all the crazies on the bus again. Today some guy smelled like urine & kept trying to talk to everyone.

Day 25 of 30/365: Super bored & tired. I couldn't sleep but I couldn't mentally function. Ugh, I hate those nights.

Day 26 of 30/365: My hair is having issues. I think it's time to get a trim & maybe some bangs.

Things not going as planned.

      This year has started out pretty good. Though there are some things I had hoped I would start or complete. I have done neither in any of the things on my list. Shame on me!  I'm being a procrastinator again. So I am looking over my list & revamping it.

      It seems as if this week is going by so slow, yet I can't get anything done. Tell me how that makes sense?   It doesn't help that my house is freezing. I have the space heater in my room because the cold doesn't bother the kids. I ask them all the time if they are cold & they always answer no. Must be nice to not freeze your butt off every night. My house needs cleaning but it is too cold downstairs to do anything. I have to bundle up with 3 blankets to watch a movie with Samantha. I know I am whining, but I swear as I get older it gets colder.  I bring the space heater into every room with me, even the kitchen.

   This weekend the plan is to help Samantha with her cell project. Go down town to take some photos.   I was asked by a classmate to photograph the beautiful purses, shawls, and jewelry she makes. I'm not sure when she wants that done. I also want to finish a project for my room, so I can move the furniture around. I just need to find someone I can borrow a step ladder from. The following weekend I want to work on reorganizing my living room & getting rid of one of my couches.  I'm also going to start selling some things on Craigslist & Ebay. I have way to much stuff & I need to get rid of it.

      I really need to keep things moving. I'm horrible at motivating myself, hopefully, I can get the whip cracking this weekend.

A promise made.

I just started the 7 day book challenge. I was going to wait until July 1, but I was really bored today and thought "If i'm bored and not being productive, then I need to find a way to be". So I started reading. In the first chapter of The Woman's Book of Confidence it is said to embrace and get to know the stranger(s) within. We all have other selves. No one is exactly the same with everyone, not to mention our critical self. The book says to get to know that critical self, to learn why it's so scared or angry. To comfort that part of you and heal from within. we need to accept ourselves and give positive self talk.There is also a part in the chapter about growing a tail. Meaning owning up to our actions and being responsible. Like I said in previous posts I am a procrastinator and always felt i needed someone else to wind me up. I am also bad with the critical self, i have a horrible habit of bashing myself. I also have a hard time accepting compliments. These are things I need to work on.
~
On another note. I have been having a hard week. Which is why I really wanted to do the challenge. I need to read up on how to better myself and work on accepting myself. On Sunday July 1, 2012 I will be 35 years  old. that is not old, but I feel unaccomplished. The goals I set 10 years ago did not get fulfilled and I feel like a failure. I didn't work hard enough, I was careless with my finances, and I let my relationship fall apart and end. I am in the same spot I was ten years ago and I have nothing to show for it. Yes I am bashing a little, but at the same time I need to own up to the procrastination, the fear, and the irresponsibility. It is my own fault I am in this shitty position today.
There is one promise I made to myself at the same time I made these goals. I would only allow myself three more relationships (after the kids father), if none of them succeeded, then I would put myself into retirement. It has been 1 year and 11 months to the day since I was in a serious relationship and two months since I have been intimate with anyone (just so happens to be my ex). I have even quit masturbating. Now my question is, Is this the right thing to do at my age? Am I being silly about this? I just want to give up and walk away. I do need to work on myself, and I believe you cant be in a healthy relationship with someone else if you don't have a healthy relationship with yourself.  At least I have been using this belief more as an excuse than anything. After the kids father I had two 6 month relationships and then 6 years with Ryan, until he ended it August 29, 2010. I had a brief unwanted relationship with someone and then a few random dates. Nothing worth talking about.  I don't know. I think it's time to let go.

We can't use our past as an excuse to stay in bondage to a negative, defeated approach to life. - joyce meyer ministries  {whoa, I just saw this on facebook while I was responding to a message. perfect timing}