My Spending Habits Suck.

Unknown Source :(

I had a financial goal for 2017 and I've already put myself behind.  So here I am reminding myself that I need to buy only what I need.  As I look at the new bikini and socks I bought today.  I did need a new bathing suit and socks for work.  Still, I bought a scarf and junk food for my kids.  We didn't need those. I recently spent money on fans for the house.  After I bought them I felt regret, but I'm hoping they will save me money in the long run. Fans are better than air conditioners, right?

I've been reading Ruth Soukup's book Living Well Spending Less. I also bought her other books, 31 Days of Living well & Spending Zero, and 31 Days to a Clutter Free Life.  I bought them last year and read them all.  Taking notes and planning my own financial overhaul.  I hit a road block when work became hectic with long hours.  I let it all fall to pieces.  I am going to give it a go again.  I'm sure the reader is supposed to do each challenge one at a time, but I'm going all in and challenging myself. I'm cracking the whip and putting my finances, spending, and organization in check.  I have 3 goals with this challenge.

1. Meal Prepping - Going to wing it this week, hopefully I can find good recipes to use. 
2. Buy necessities ONLY.  I keep buying things that I don't need right this minute.  Including junk food at work. 
3. Remove the clutter and reorganize.  What's that phrase?  "Messy house, messy mind" or something like that.  

Now that work isn't needing me 12+ hours a day I can focus on myself and what is needed at home.  Tomorrow is my day off and I will start with my meal prep and organize my fridge.  I also need to clean out my closet and storage closet.  In order to get the rest of my apartment organized the storage closet has to be ready for the items worth keeping.  I can't remember the last time I actually looked in the closet.  Maybe I should be afraid haha.  No, I'm so ready for this change in my life.  

New Books for the Journey

Hello hello.  I bought new books this week.  I am hoping to use them during my Mindful Happiness Journey.  

ME: Five Years From Now is a life-planning journal. This book breaks your life down into 5 parts: Health, Relationships, Home & Community, Work & School, and Building on your Experience.  It also gives a list of questions and space to write for each section. Being able to write within the book will be fabulous. It also shares a lot of inspirational quotes. I will share as well as I go through the book. 

Building the Best You is also a self help journal. This is a 2 year journal with both years sections side by side.  It looks to be a reflection journal.  Asking daily questions such as: What did I feel today, What am I grateful for today, and what challenged me today.  There are also 8 sections of questions that are like a reality check of the big picture.  It will be interesting to see what changes have come through my life as I start year two of the book.  I can't wait to get through year one. 

I truly enjoy self help books and journals that give you a chance to reflect and look back at your mind set in the past and see how far you have come.  It's also helpful to see what set backs you may have had and what you did to move forward from them.  Sometimes we will forget how we handled a difficult situation as time goes on.  Being able to look back and see what you did, who was kind enough to help will give you better perspective for future problems.  It will also remind you that you can do it, you can get through anything. 

At the moment I am reading through each book to see if there is anything I feel I need to work on.  So a lot of note taking and preparing for my mindful happiness journey.   Wish me luck. 

A New Direction

In need of a new direction and I think I found it.  Okay, maybe not new, but it feels that way.  I have been stuck, in life, in love, trapped within myself.  I have been trying to find myself all over again, but there is this road block in my mind, my soul has drifted off into space, and I think I left my heart somewhere in the past.  I am LOST!  Mentally, physically, and spiritually.  I'm a mess.  My house is a mess.  My job is a mess, well not really, but somedays it seems that way.

I think part of the problem is that I have not been able to manage my time since I started this new job.  It's exhausting and once home all I want to do is sleep.  I barely eat and lost weight, I sleep but not well, and I've become asocial.  My job demands a lot from me and I am still learning how to work smarter, not harder.  Limited training has made me think on the spot and do a lot of trial and error.  I'm getting the hang of it and moving faster, but today took a toll on me.  It took every ounce of strength I had not to cry at work. It was just an awful day.  No one to blame but myself and I am hard on myself.  I have high expectations for myself, so I let myself down more than I should.  It's something I need to work on.

I recently purchased The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  I have been wanting to read it for a while now and it was my gift to myself with my first paycheck from this new job.  I would like to start my own Happiness Project which I call Mindful Happiness.  I want to focus more on the little things, the moment, right now.  I am a planner, list maker, big picture thinker by nature.  Clearly being that way has not been working.  So it's time for a new approach.  It's also time for me to stop making excuses and procrastinating on finding my own happiness.

I started to compile a list of ideas that may work for my Mindful Happiness.  Though they may change as time passes.  So far this is what I have and I am hoping to think of more.

1. Be alone
2. Live in silence
3. Face my fears
4. Slow down
5. Organization
6. Give back
7. Disconnect
8. Set Boundaries
9. Mindful Mediation
10. Love Myself
11. Find my spiritual path
12. Reconnect with people/ make new friends
13. work smarter, not harder
14. Make healthier choices
15. Financial stability

If you notice, there is a theme.  I didn't realize it until I wrote the list.  Obviously I'm trying to tell myself I need to reconnect with myself, then I can reconnect with others.  When I was writing my list I looked up some words and phrases.  Somehow the word Discontent popped up in my search.  I wasn't looking for it, but it found me.  I think it's the right description for how I feel in my life right now.  

Discontent:  Dissatisfaction with ones circumstances. 

I am unhappy with the way things are right now and only I can change it.  So I am challenging myself to stop the procrastination and get my crap together.  Again.  I swear I go through this every year. This time, something is different,  this time it must be done.  I was comfortable before, content with the mundane life I had.  Even though I would complain from time to time, I was okay with how things were.  Not anymore.  

Time to do some research and see what else I can do to improve my Mindful Happiness.  I think I will start on my birthday, so I have a few weeks to work on setting up a plan and ideas to stay focused.  

Reading Up A Storm.

I have been reading like crazy lately.  As you know by now I am an avid reader in almost all genres.  Horror, Thriller, and Mystery being my favorites.  I recently read Floating Dragon and am working on my review of the book.  I think I will start doing book reviews.  What is the point of reading a lot of books if I don't share them with you?

I have a decent book collection and it could be so much better.  I did donate many sci-fi books a few months ago because I knew I couldn't read them all and someone else would appreciate them more than I.  It was awful giving them up, but I knew it was the right decision.  Today I "purchased" aproxametly 30 Kindle ebooks on Amazon.  I also started working on an ebook wishlist.  I do not own an ereader and would love to.  I think Kindle would be the best option, though once upon a time I really wanted a Nook.  Now that I have a Kindle app for my phone, I think I should figure out which Kindle would be best for me.  Reading books on my phone is kinda crappy. The picture below doesn't even show all my "purchases"...  I went crazy on Amazon and even shared most of them on Facebook.  I think I may have gotten a little carried away.

P.S. Happy Lovers Day! 

I have also been reading a lot of online articles.  Taking notes and thinking deeply about how I feel while reading these tough topics.  Relationships, bullying, parenting, and suicide to name a few.  I have been slowing working on what i thought was going to be a single post about relationships.  It has been frustrating and I keep deleting and editing.  It just wasn't coming out right.  As I read the articles I realized i was doing it all wrong.  I was trying to shove all my emotions, opinions, and babble into one entry.  I think it would be so much better and far less stressful if I break it up.  So lets see how I do with that.  I have read a few articles recently that have made me think about personal things I rarely talk about publicly now. There was a time many many years ago when I blogged about my suffering and struggles.  Maybe it's time to start talking about these issues and personal struggle openly again.  That old blog has been removed for a long time and sometimes I miss the name of that blog.  It described me so well back then.  Idiotic Randomness was the name and I loved that blog.  Why I deleted it is a mystery to me now.  I just can't remember why I felt that was the best idea. 

I have a few Picture entries coming up.  I am still working on some of the photos.  I took well over 300 pictures for 3 different adventures.  I'll mostly likely put my 10 favorites and then put a link to the rest to my G+ photos.  No the photos are not there yet. I will upload them tomorrow before I post the entries on Friday.  I am still working on about 100 photos, so you'll have to be patient and wait for the blog entry.  I know some of you follow me on G+.... 

NO PEEKING!! 

Update on my Procrastination.

Yes I'm a procrastinator.  I have admitted this before in an old post.  I'm working on ridding my life of it, but until then I will give you a little update.

UPDATE 1

  I have not finished my revamp and entry swapping yet.
SEE... Procrastination, that bastard!

  All the sex talk entries will be moved to Tumblr.  I will post the link to the blog when I get around to it.  Not all the entries are moving, some will be rewritten and posted.








UPDATE 2
  I have been on a blogging hiatus of sorts.  I have noticed I only blog during extreme emotion.  I don't like that.  I need to work on this problem.  There were times I wanted to blog but I was nowhere near my Mac.  I should just start taking notes on my phone as they come to me.  I do have a list of entries I want to write on in a "Blogging Journal".  It was nice to take a break though and not really think about blogging.  Time to get back into it and be more productive.

UPDATE 3
  I started a Fitness Challenge on January 15th.  It's going okay.  I ended up switching from one fitness plan to another because the new coach and workouts were too advanced for me.  Last week I hurt my lower back and hip.  Some muscle spasms and a pinched nerve for about 5 days. It hurt to walk and sit, it sucked ass.  I'm feeling much better and back on track.  I have not had any soda today and only had one yesterday.  I made cabbage soup for the next few days to help me detox.  I'm not trying to lose weight, but I am trying to learn how to live a healthier lifestyle and strengthen my core.  I'll update you as I go.  I am also using the Body by Vi shakes and I really like them.

UPDATE 4

Over the weekend I went to this awesome book store in El Cerrito called  The Bay Area Free Book Exchange with some friends.  I have been wanting to go ever since I saw them on SF Fun Cheap.  I had well over 100 books to donate and I didn't want to give them to the local library.  I have been holding on to some of these books for years knowing I would never read them. My friend JW is a sweetheart and helped me transport the books.  We get to the book store and I am so freaking excited.  I can't even tell you how happy I was to be there.  So many books to choose from and they're FREE... We left with about 17 books I think.  JW picked out 2 and Kat had maybe 6, I'm not sure.  W & S didn't pick anything out. The ones in the photo are mine.  I want to go again, so if you're interested, let me know.
  JW decided it would be a great day to go to Golden Gate Fields as well.  I have never been so of course I'm going to say Hell Yeah! My first time at a horse track and it was so fun.  I can't wait to go again.

*Hint Hint* VIRGINIA!!!





I will leave you with a quote I read this morning.  I plan on adding it to one of my soon to be rewritten entires.  It is by Tyler Knott Gregson, whom I had never heard of before today.  I am an instant fan.

"Do you think it possible that some people are born to give more love than they will ever get back in return?"

Poop and other things

Okay this blog is not about Poop. I just wanted it in the title. I like saying poop, it makes me giggle.

Alrighty kids, i didn't complete the 7 books in 7 days, BOOOO!! I got 5 1/2 done. The dreams book seemed to take me a while. I want to try the challenge again. I may do this a few times a year to help boost my reading skills and learn more about topics that interest me. Even though I didn't complete the challenge, I enjoyed it very much. I also learned I am better under pressure. If I have a time frame then I work harder at the goal.  The longer the time frame the more I procrastinate. I had a time frame for a sewing project (Due this Sunday) and guess what? I have not started it. All of a sudden I have this feeling like I NEED to get it done.  I don't like rushed work. I don't think the work is good quality if you rush. So why do I do this? If you know please tell me, so I can change this.

I went to the Antioch City Council meeting on Tuesday. It was my first time going and I must say that it was interesting. I think I will start going on a regular basis. I went to the meeting on Tuesday because one of my neighbors has been trying to get us air conditioning. YES we have no air conditioning and its in the 100s here. I live in a townhouse which means when we sleep or get on the PC it's upstairs in the awful heat. We are no longer allowed to have window air conditioners (price range $60-250). The ones the owners of my complex want us to use cost at least $500. Most people in the complex are on a fixed income of some kind. Many do work or have jobs but it's usually minimum wage. Well to make a long story short we heard some things from the council and are hoping to hear more info in the next few weeks. Cross your fingers.

I'm 35

Yesterday was my 35th birthday. Hooray! I wasn't feeling well and slept most of the day, BOO! I received one call, one text, one email (I thought that person forgot about me), and 50+ Facebook Happy Birthday greetings from friends and family. There is something that I realized. With social networking people have become super lazy, me included, that we don't even bother to call or send cards anymore. I feel I could do better in the birthday greeting department and will make an effort. Now that I have said that, I just noticed I missed my nephews birthday. GREAT, well better late than never, right? So I'll send his and his big sisters card at the same time.

So I have been reading my books for the challenge and they must bore me because I keep falling asleep while reading them. Maybe I am still ill. Thursday is my 7th day, so I need to get going. I didn't read much Saturday (super sunburn) or Sunday (ill), only when I took a bath. Haha bath time is reading time for me. i really do want to complete all 7 books. The goal is to finish 2 tomorrow. We'll see.

Taken Sunday, See my ugly sunburn. I think it's a sign I'm going to hell. Only I would get burned at a church event.

A promise made.

I just started the 7 day book challenge. I was going to wait until July 1, but I was really bored today and thought "If i'm bored and not being productive, then I need to find a way to be". So I started reading. In the first chapter of The Woman's Book of Confidence it is said to embrace and get to know the stranger(s) within. We all have other selves. No one is exactly the same with everyone, not to mention our critical self. The book says to get to know that critical self, to learn why it's so scared or angry. To comfort that part of you and heal from within. we need to accept ourselves and give positive self talk.There is also a part in the chapter about growing a tail. Meaning owning up to our actions and being responsible. Like I said in previous posts I am a procrastinator and always felt i needed someone else to wind me up. I am also bad with the critical self, i have a horrible habit of bashing myself. I also have a hard time accepting compliments. These are things I need to work on.
~
On another note. I have been having a hard week. Which is why I really wanted to do the challenge. I need to read up on how to better myself and work on accepting myself. On Sunday July 1, 2012 I will be 35 years  old. that is not old, but I feel unaccomplished. The goals I set 10 years ago did not get fulfilled and I feel like a failure. I didn't work hard enough, I was careless with my finances, and I let my relationship fall apart and end. I am in the same spot I was ten years ago and I have nothing to show for it. Yes I am bashing a little, but at the same time I need to own up to the procrastination, the fear, and the irresponsibility. It is my own fault I am in this shitty position today.
There is one promise I made to myself at the same time I made these goals. I would only allow myself three more relationships (after the kids father), if none of them succeeded, then I would put myself into retirement. It has been 1 year and 11 months to the day since I was in a serious relationship and two months since I have been intimate with anyone (just so happens to be my ex). I have even quit masturbating. Now my question is, Is this the right thing to do at my age? Am I being silly about this? I just want to give up and walk away. I do need to work on myself, and I believe you cant be in a healthy relationship with someone else if you don't have a healthy relationship with yourself.  At least I have been using this belief more as an excuse than anything. After the kids father I had two 6 month relationships and then 6 years with Ryan, until he ended it August 29, 2010. I had a brief unwanted relationship with someone and then a few random dates. Nothing worth talking about.  I don't know. I think it's time to let go.

We can't use our past as an excuse to stay in bondage to a negative, defeated approach to life. - joyce meyer ministries  {whoa, I just saw this on facebook while I was responding to a message. perfect timing}

The 7 Day Book Challenge

In my last post I wrote about a blog I love to follow by the name of  In over your head. Last night as I was looking through the blogs I follow Julien had a new post titled How to read 7 books in 7 days. I thought FABULOUS! I've been looking for a challenge. Plus I have been putting off reading certain books I keep saying I will read. So, I will put my procrastination aside and get busy on this challenge. In the blog Julien states "If you can, choose books that stack on top of each other so that you learn successive, stacking topics." So I chose a theme for myself - Self Awareness. I have been wanting to read these books and have skimmed through most. Two of the books I read a few years ago when I needed them for a class at LMC. Each book has something I feel I want to learn to help better myself and my awareness to myself and others. 

The books: 

.1 The Woman's Book Confidence by: Sue Patton Thoele

.2 Breakthrough Dreaming by: Dr. Gayle Delaney

.3 Quest by: Denise Linn

.4 The Intuitive Way by: Penney Peirce  I have the hard cover 1997 Ed.

.5 Your Handwriting Can Change Your Life by: Vimala Rodgers This is the PDF version. so you can read it too :)

The next two books are by a great  Marriage Counselor & Psychology Professor at Los Medanos College and JFK University.

.6 More Than Just Sex by: Daniel Beaver

.7 Creating Intimate Connection Emotional Intimacy by: Daniel Beaver

He also has a blog and youtube channel

danbeaver - youtube

danielbeaver.com/blog

Now lets get this challenge going

Back to Basics

I'm doing okay with the betterment of me. I have lost weight already, reduced my eating and drinking of sodas. When I do the grocery shopping later this week i will not buy sodas. Oh wait, I have to buy sodas for Sunday. Blah.

That is not what this blog is really about. It's about reducing the crap I buy, recycling things no longer needed, and reusing what I can.  Yes, I'm going to try again at non-consumerism. Only buy what I need and use what I have.  I keep telling myself I must do this because I am a pack rat. You can still walk through my home plus I can vacuum and mop so I am not a hoarder. I don't want to become one either. I want a more simple life style. The hardest part about that is my books. I just can't give them up. 

Now, there are some things I am having a hard time deciding on. I have a stereo system that needs speakers. Do I buy speakers or do I just donate the stereo system because I don't have the speakers? Also, Samantha has a bunk bed we just took apart the top half and stored it in the closet. I am thinking of tossing out the frame (damage and a piece missing) but keeping the mattress. I will be breaking up and tossing out the old dresser my son has been using. The drawers are getting stuck, the wood is chipping and there is some damage to the top. It does not look fixable. I gave him my dresser which fits in the closet and gives him more room. I have a few bags of blankets and clothes that will become quilts or purses/bags. We have a bunch of supplies to make Christmas ornaments as well. I think it's time to use all this stuff up or at least get it better organized. 

The not buying things shouldn't be too bad. I have been making a list of things we NEED and numbering them by importance. I will purchase the items when I save money for that specific item. No buying on a whim, and always have a plan. The hard part will be not buying the yummy quick snack foods that I usually get. I will have to really keep control while shopping. I was telling myself (yes I talk to myself. SHUT UP) I will only shop once a week with a list and only buy what is on that list. I need to make do with what I have and fix what can be fixed. Instead of just tossing it. 

So the plan is to well... make a plan, stick to the list and try to reuse everything I can. 

On another note, I am trying to read every book I own (that's a lot). At the moment I am re-reading It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken &  for the first time I am reading He's Just Not That Into You. 

Simple Pleasures

What does it take to please me?
I have been thinking about it today. I don’t think I'm hard to please. I'm low maintenance and like to take care of myself. I thought about what I enjoy and it seems I don't enjoy much; just simple things likes a quiet night at home cuddled up on the couch watching movies, a home made dinner with conversation, or a quite moment reading a book.
There are some things that I like but I have to get those myself. What are they you ask? Flowers... yup girly huh? How about some chocolate? More like Almond Roca or starbursts. Mmmm I should go get some now.

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