A New Direction

In need of a new direction and I think I found it.  Okay, maybe not new, but it feels that way.  I have been stuck, in life, in love, trapped within myself.  I have been trying to find myself all over again, but there is this road block in my mind, my soul has drifted off into space, and I think I left my heart somewhere in the past.  I am LOST!  Mentally, physically, and spiritually.  I'm a mess.  My house is a mess.  My job is a mess, well not really, but somedays it seems that way.

I think part of the problem is that I have not been able to manage my time since I started this new job.  It's exhausting and once home all I want to do is sleep.  I barely eat and lost weight, I sleep but not well, and I've become asocial.  My job demands a lot from me and I am still learning how to work smarter, not harder.  Limited training has made me think on the spot and do a lot of trial and error.  I'm getting the hang of it and moving faster, but today took a toll on me.  It took every ounce of strength I had not to cry at work. It was just an awful day.  No one to blame but myself and I am hard on myself.  I have high expectations for myself, so I let myself down more than I should.  It's something I need to work on.

I recently purchased The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  I have been wanting to read it for a while now and it was my gift to myself with my first paycheck from this new job.  I would like to start my own Happiness Project which I call Mindful Happiness.  I want to focus more on the little things, the moment, right now.  I am a planner, list maker, big picture thinker by nature.  Clearly being that way has not been working.  So it's time for a new approach.  It's also time for me to stop making excuses and procrastinating on finding my own happiness.

I started to compile a list of ideas that may work for my Mindful Happiness.  Though they may change as time passes.  So far this is what I have and I am hoping to think of more.

1. Be alone
2. Live in silence
3. Face my fears
4. Slow down
5. Organization
6. Give back
7. Disconnect
8. Set Boundaries
9. Mindful Mediation
10. Love Myself
11. Find my spiritual path
12. Reconnect with people/ make new friends
13. work smarter, not harder
14. Make healthier choices
15. Financial stability

If you notice, there is a theme.  I didn't realize it until I wrote the list.  Obviously I'm trying to tell myself I need to reconnect with myself, then I can reconnect with others.  When I was writing my list I looked up some words and phrases.  Somehow the word Discontent popped up in my search.  I wasn't looking for it, but it found me.  I think it's the right description for how I feel in my life right now.  

Discontent:  Dissatisfaction with ones circumstances. 

I am unhappy with the way things are right now and only I can change it.  So I am challenging myself to stop the procrastination and get my crap together.  Again.  I swear I go through this every year. This time, something is different,  this time it must be done.  I was comfortable before, content with the mundane life I had.  Even though I would complain from time to time, I was okay with how things were.  Not anymore.  

Time to do some research and see what else I can do to improve my Mindful Happiness.  I think I will start on my birthday, so I have a few weeks to work on setting up a plan and ideas to stay focused.