FBGM...

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Plain and simple... Fuck Bitches Get Money! No time for Bull Shit.

I'm keeping my goals to myself and one other.  What I do in private is no ones business. My income, bank account, and next move are private, I clearly have no sex life since I work a lot and that's okay. I'm tired of the drama, gossip, and disloyalty.  What happened to helping, and supporting each other?
I need to find like minded people.  My inner circle will stay the same, but it's time to build around the Yin and Yang.


Virg- You are the Yin to my Yang, or is it the other way around. Haha

XOXO

Way Back When

My dog Roscoe and I when we lived in San Jose California 1977

Cleaning up

With my foot being a pain and my work schedule being inconstant, It's hard for me to get things done at home sometimes.  I really need to do some spring cleaning/de-clutter in this house.  So I made a list with the hopes of completing my cleaning within 60 days.  Some clean ups will take more than one day due to my hoarding.  The reason for this de-cluttering is to sell or donate as much as possible.  I would like to reduce the clutter and start my non-consumerist lifestyle.  I've been trying to start this a few times.  Slowly getting there, but not quite.  My kids are gamers and artists so it's hard not to spend money.  Now, they are both old enough to get jobs of their own to pay for all the extras they want.  My kids are frugal, always buying used games and refurbished equipment.  Unfortunately we can't buy used art supplies, at least not that I know of.   My daughter just spent $80 of her birthday money on supplies and complained.  I couldn't help but laugh.  We have discussed selling her art and I think we may just do that.

This clean up will also help us prepare for a future move.  Yes, move... I want so bad to move away and start fresh somewhere else.  In 2 years my youngest will be 18 and I made it clear that I want to move as soon as she graduates from high school. So we have 2 years to save money, do research for a new place, and reduce the items we own to basic necessities.  Of course things can change, but so far, this is the plan.  Best part, the kids are totally in on this plan.  I know 2 years sounds like a long time, but you just never know what might happen and time flies...  So I'm starting today.

So here's the de-clutter plan.  One room or section of my house a day until it's completed.  Like i said above, I'd like to complete this task in 60 days.  I have a feeling it will take me longer as some of the days I work will not leave me enough time to really get much done.  Each friday I will decide what rooms will be done based on my schedule for the next week.  The days I have off will obviously get the more time consuming jobs.  I expect to work on at least 5 tasks a week.

Since I don't have much time today before work, I'm starting small.  I will work on my nightstands and headboard.  I'm only using 1 nightstand, but once the second one is emptied out and cleaned, it will go into my storage closet instead of taking up space in my bedroom.  My storage closet is the true first task on the list and will take me through the weekend  to work on it.  I have a mid-shift, closing shift, the mid-shift. so not much time to keep it moving on the tasks at home.  I'll do my best because mid-shifts wear me out and I usually go straight to bed when I get home.  I can't get the apartment cleaned up if i can't put things away in storage.  Hopefully I can pick up a few flower boxes from work to help me with organizing.

Manic Monday

Happy Manic Monday

I hope your Monday was Marvelous.  Mine started out energetic, positive, and bright.  I had an appointment for an onsite recruitment for a small local staffing agency.  Unfortunately it wasn't right for me.  I decided to see what else was out in the world of employment only to feel a bit discouraged by the lack of possibilities.  Maybe the career center I was visiting had not updated for the week.  I did find two positions to apply for so it wasn't a complete loss.

I applied for the two positions when I got home.  I forgot how long it takes to apply for jobs online.  Retail jobs make you take those crazy long personality quizzes to see if you're a good fit for the company.  The same set of questions asked in different ways, how fun.  I do have a Career Fair in Concord on Wednesday. YAY!  When I picked up the flyer today I saw a list of companies that will be there.  NICE! So of course I googled ALL of them.  Out of the 39 listed less than half are an option for me.  That sounds okay, even with 6 being Staffing Agencies, 1 is the agency I wanted to make an appointment with.  If anything I may learn something new and maybe make some good business contacts.  You never know these days.

After applying for the two positions and while doing some company researching, I spoke to my mother on the phone for over an hour.  We talked about everything; my grandma, cousins, sisters, my fathers job, their house, plans for their trips to Nebraska and California, what I'm doing now, talked about two friends of mine, my kids and the measles outbreak.  Yeah, we talked a lot.

The rest of the day was working on some chores and I started on my resume updating.  I need to finish that by 11 a.m. Tuesday because I have a Fair Housing workshop I'm going to at 1 p.m.  Then I need to  go to the Antioch Library to print a bunch of stuff since my printer is out of ink.  I'm too cheap to buy new ink at the moment.  Every penny counts, especially when the dentist called to tell me I have an appointment next week and my payment will be $76.00.  UGH! I don't have money to spend on things other than bills right now.  I do need the dental work done though.  I'm trying to stay positive and keep good energy flowing..

Positive things happen to positive people. THINK POSITIVE!

Lent 19 & 20 of March: Food & Open House.

March 19, 2014

Okay, I'm supposed to be fasting.  Only fruit and veggies, right? Well I went for a walk/ hike with a friend and we went to Tailgaters afterward.  So, I had a yummy sandwich, onion rings and Arrogant Bastard again.  Yes Please and Thank You!  What?  oh I'm not supposed to have this because of Lent. YEAH SHUT UP!!!  I do what I want.

Mmmm Delicious!!!

Samantha had a doctors appointment at 6:45pm.  The doctor gave her new asthma medication, allergy meds and a long list for Lab in the morning.  Samantha may have depression and anxiety on top of food allergies.  The doctor has asked samantha to cut her milk intake in half and write in a journal every time she becomes ill or anxious for the next two weeks.  Samantha has another appointment on April 2nd, so we will learn then about the Lab results and if she can get the allergy testing done.

March 20, 2014

Samantha went in to Lab and had 6 vials of blood drawn. They were going to take 9 until the tech saw her walk in the room.  He decided to only take the 6, and good thing he did.  She became ill after the bloodwork.  They will be testing her for Celiac disease, lactose, thyroid and a few other things.

Tonight was open house for Dozier-Libbey Medical High School.  We wanted to see what is in store for samantha next year.  It was a long bus ride there and we didn't know how to get on campus at first.  Once we figured it out, I was super excited because there were lots of cows in the field next to the school.  Samantha kept telling me to calm down.  It was pretty funny.  We didn't stay long and only spoke to a few teachers.  We found out there is a Llama that hangs out with the cows, he is sort of the bodyguard for them.  On our way out, the sky looked awesome, this school has a beautiful view.

ooh pretty

Question: If you could spend one whole year doing anything you wanted, what would you do? 

Answer: I would travel. DUH!  I would love to visit Ireland, Italy, Japan and a variety of US cities.  I would pick 25 places to visit and stay for at least a week at each.  If I had the money of course. HA!

Lent Day Nine, March 13:I need to Relax

Creator & Author Unknown 

After yesterdays cry & whine fest,  and my venting to a friend. I ended up taking a couple Melatonin and crash.  It helped, this morning I felt a bit better and decided to get out and go for a nice walk this morning.  I was originally going to walk up to Black Diamond Mines, but instead I took a path that lead me to Canal Park and I enjoyed some time on the swings.  I went home more relaxed, and I had some time to reflect and write.  I think I need to really find out why my past likes to creep up on me, or more so, why I allow it to.  The above picture states "It's okay to have a meltdown." Well there was a time I had a meltdown almost daily.  I had a hard time controlling my emotions.  I also had a hard time facing my fears and my past.  I had not only unpacked, but I was living in a state of disaster.

Over the last few years I have been working on not allowing my emotions to run my life, but to pay attention and try to understand what and why i felt the way I do.  I have worked hard at not letting my emotions overwhelm me, but as you can see form many of my older entries I am still very much an emotional being.  I still have my meltdowns, just not as often and I can usually pinpoint why I am freaking out.  So today I sit and write what is bothering me and tell myself to find where the past and present are colliding and figure out what i need to do about it.  For the most part, I just need to accept the past as it is- The Past, forgive what was done and myself, and move forward.  It sounds simple enough, but nothing is ever as simple as it seems.  So, it's a work in progress and that's okay.

It was so pretty and meditative walking this trail in the early morning.

First thing I thought when i realized where the trail took me: "oooh swings, YAY!"

Swings can be so therapeutic.  As I sat there swaying back and forth, I closed my eyes and just let my mind drift off.



















Question: Who was there for you when no one else was?

For a long time I had no one.  Then I met Ellen, She was there for me during one of my hardest times, I also have Virginia, Becca, and Michelle.  They all have been there for me when I needed someone the most. Thank you so much for your friendships ladies.  You are much appreciated.

Giving Thanks in November, when else?

http://irishruleoflaw.ie/

It's funny how when November comes up EVERYONE want to do a daily Grateful/ Thankful for post on Facebook and other social networking platforms.  Why is it only in November that we do this,  because of Thanksgiving?   Gah, we are some lame asses.

What the hell am I rambling on about?  Oh yes giving thanks and that is what this entry is about. I'm going to give all my thanks in one post.  So I hope you are ready for it. I was going to do a daily thank you, but that is just too damn much and can get frighteningly personal.  (I almost wasn't sure if frighteningly was a word)

Now, before I get started on the mushy stuff I want to share a cool think I saw on Google+. Please listen to it because it is so beautiful and one of the many reasons I give thanks  and am grateful to be alive everyday.  You should listen to the beautiful crickets while reading this entry. Yup.

Crickets singing at human speed.   The comments are pretty interesting too.


My lazy ass giving thanks:

1. My parents, that's a given right.  If it wasn't for them I wouldn't exist.  EVERYONE should thank my parents!

2. Everyone of my awesome friends parents... Yea that's right because I wouldn't know you if your parents didn't bump uglies at one point. (Who the hell coined the term bump uglies anyway?)

3. My sisters, because it's the law or something.. Nah my sister are cool, though I missed out on most of their lives I still love them and wish we lived closer so I could see my nieces and nephew grow up.

4. My children's fathers:  Yep I said it. Again, if it wasn't for them my awesome kids would not be here today.  Also, if they didn't put me through all the bullshit they did, I wouldn't be the bitch I am today.  But you get no love from me. Just a quick Thanks and move on.

5.  Shelby: My eldest, who has taught so much about tolerance and acceptance than anyone ever has.   I can't wait to see your books on the shelves in stores.  You will be an exceptional author/illustrator. I love you and miss you so so much.  (she lives on the East Coast)

6.David: My son who is a challenge at most times, but is becoming a good man.  To see you find interest in Engineering and science the way you do is awesome, even if I have no idea what you're talking about.  I love you even if you don't like hearing it.

7. Samantha: oh my mini me... Only 13 and you have grown into a magnificent updated version of me.  I can't even express the awe and joy of watching you grow up and being the one that gets to guide you into adulthood and awesomeness.   Sometimes I am amazed that I made such a fabulous creature.  I love you oh so much mini me.

8. Michelle, Becca, Dondra, Jen, Debbie:  you girls are my family.  Though we haven't spoken all the time over the years, you girls are the ones I know I can go to for anything.  I appreciate all that you have done for me and the relationships we have.  Thank you for everything.  Words cannot express the love I have for you girls.

9. Tammi:  A beautiful soul, with a talent I am envious of.  Your words touch me deeply and your life even more so.  You are one of the most amazing people I know and I am thankful for having the chance to be a small part of your life. I love you Tammi.

10. Nick, Jeremy, Donny, Gabe, Mark, Byron, Henry, Tony, Harley, and Kyle:  You gentlemen have been my best buds for so long.  The few I can talk to about anything, literally anything and I love it.   Having friends like you guys is fan-fucking-tastic.  Everyone should have friends like you.  I love you guys to death, always and forever.

11. Sonia, Kyle, Becca, Jeff, and Dany:  Thank you so so much for giving the boost and encouragement I needed to get back into eating healthy and fitness.  making the decision to have a healthier lifestyle is hard, but you all have given me the motivation I needed to stay on track. Thank you!

12. Ryan: I could never write all the reasons I am thankful for knowing you.  You put up with me at one of my hardest times.  Thank you for all you did for me in the past and all you do for me now.  You're a good friend and I appreciate our friendship.  Love you much.

13. Virginia: My twin,  my favorite coffee buddy and confidant.  thank you for being there for me when I was a brat and helping me through what should have not been a difficult time.  You let me pitch a fit and talk shit and rant about all the feels I had.  Now looking back that shit was funny as hell.  Thank you for all you do twin.  I love you to death and for always.  P.S. We need to do coffee again.

14. J.W.:  Though we have not known each other long, you have made an impact on my life.  I had all these rules in my head about how things should go.  Mostly to protect myself, but at the same time it was preventing myself from taking chances.  Thank you for reaching out even though neither one of us had any idea what that would do.  You're an awesome person.  I am thankful for meeting you and having the chance to know you. I'm sure I have plenty more to learn from you.  xoxo

I love you guys and gals more than you could ever know.  Thank you for being a part of my life.  I can't imagine what life would be like without you.

Love Always,

Lisa

P.S.  Thats all the Thanks I'm giving.  Deal with it!

Just a Little Bit of Everything

  I have been so busy with my last week of the school session that I haven't started sewing yet.  I have been organizing my sewing projects though.  The sewing shall start this weekend YAY!  I am having such a hard time with my math class.  I am barely passing.   Medisoft is almost done too and I'm a bit sad, but I know the next classes I take will be just as awesome.  This session wore me out. Though I think Samantha being sick has been part of my stress and exhaustion.  Her blood work should be ready tomorrow, so I will post an update as soon as I get it.

I guess that's it for now... I'm off to shower and then sleep.  I am so darn tired.



P.S. Samantha is a blanket hog.  She has been sleeping in my bed and, every night I wake up cold, with very little of the blankets covering me.  I feel sorry for the man who marries her.

Broken Rearview Mirror.

2012 has come to an end, well just about. So much happened this year and yet not much of what I wanted. You can't always get what you want, right? Let's do a quick recap:

-I went back and forth to San Francisco to help Ryan and his family pack for their move. It was a chapter ending and new chapters being written for all of us. The house in San Francisco was like a second home. It was my getaway, a place for me to think and to get lost in adventures alone in the city & woods. I miss it so much.
-My cousin Michael was married and I had the chance to see my fathers side of the family.
-I decided to go blonde then went back to a color as close as I could to my natural color. I love the blonde but, I swore i would let my hair grow out for one year. It's so hard to not dye it.
-I disowned my mothers sister, that is all.
-I saw Jason Mraz & Christina Perri in concert.
-I started school again and will graduate August 2013.
-I was fortunate to hang out with some old friends & two tried to teach me how to snowboard.
-I was told I'm not the kind of girl you take home to mother. I'm too different/weird/cool to have as a girlfriend- I'm forever in the friendzone or the booty call zone.  These people are no longer my friend but sadly it seems thats the kind of guys I attract, so I have no new guy friends. When did sex become a requirement for friendship? Like I said I just happen to attract those kind of guys.  I'll pass!
-I also lost friends when I started school. I wasn't able to drop what I was doing for people, so they quit talking to me all together. Oh well, their loss.
- Friends passed away and I had to say goodbye too soon.  I guess that's just the way it is.

So, what have I learned?
I learned that some friends weren't really my friends. That even family isn't what it used to be. I'm not marriage or even girlfriend material, so I should start collecting my cats and spinster hats. I watch too many movies, or I need to watch more movies. Not sure which. I am emotionally stronger and less stressed than I have been in past years. I no longer have interest in making new friends. I don't care if you like me or want to be friends. I have learned to be comfortably alone, it doesn't bother me anymore.

I saw some movies this year, I think was more, but these are the ones that I remember:
 The Raven
The Dark Knight Rises
The Amazing Spiderman
Total Recall
Taken 2
The Man with the Iron Fists
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
Les Miserables

I will end this blog with a song dedicated to 2012. It was a little rough but not to bad and, it made me so much stronger than I thought I could be.  No looking back, only moving forward.

Hot Momma & kids

The weather has been ridiculous. I wish it would make up its mind. Over the weekend it was in the 100s and all we did was sleep or watch movies. It was just too hot to function. So much so that David and I both became ill. I don't know how people work outdoors in such heat. Farm workers, landscapers, and construction workers; I give you all much respect for the work you do. 

I live in an apartment complex that is considered the projects, it said so in my lease when I moved in. It is low income housing (Sec 8/ HUD/ Tax credit). I'll go into more detail about my life in The Projects another time. Don't get me wrong, I do love my 'hood, but today we talk about the Heat. We recently had some remodeling done and all of a sudden we are no longer allowed to have window air conditioners due to some fire safety issue. All these years we've had the window air conditioners and now we can't? Weird... and it sucks because it is too darn hot to be upstairs in this heat. I have 2 floor fans and a ceiling fan (in the dining room) going 24/7.  Lucky for us it is just cool enough to handle the warm weather upstairs tonight. 

My twin (not really twins) Virginia invited us to go swimming at her place today. It was perfect timing since it was in the mid 90s today. The kids had a good time. David said he didn't want to go but i made him, and then he says "I'm not swimming" but he did. Crazy kid. I didn't swim, but I did get to have some sister time with Virginia; it's been a while since we talked. 

It was a good day for a hot one. 

Just having a good relaxing time.

I am thankful for...

My children_ My reason for living. I don't know what I will do when they are all grown up and move away.

My parents _ I wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for them.

My home_ Though there are some bad days living in the projects. I can't complain. I don't live with my parents or other family member. I don't have to worry about rules or people I don't know coming through. This is MY HOME, it's my way or GTFO!

The experiences I’ve had_ I have been through some amazing experiences, but I have also dealt with some horrible ones as well. They all made me who I am today. STRONGER

Music & Art_ Both have helped me through many hard times and celebrated with me in good times. I can’t live without it.

Sex & Porn_ Yes please & Thank you :) Sadly it's more like Porn & self love, but it's better than nothing at all.

My friends_ who bravely stay with me even though they thought “damn, that chick is a stuck up bitch” when they first met me, then “damn she’s hella cool, super honest, doesn’t give a fuck, … holy shit this bitch is crazy” as we got to know each other.. then ” why the fuck am I friends with her… oh that’s right cause this bitch is crazy” :) THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME ALL THESE YEARS!

Thank you

What next?

  Lent is almost over, but i have given up some of my loves and thats okay.  What to write about after?  Oh yeah... I have a list of blog ideas by Chris Brogan and I have some books I want to discuss. I also have a couple secret projects I have been planning. I got some awesome ideas from websites I recently found. Plus talking to random people online about different topics has helped fuel some blog ideas.

  The kids are on Spring Break. It will be a boring break. I didn't plan anything and good thing because I got sick. YAY! No not really. My throat is killing me and I cough from time to time. I can't drink enough water to keep my throat moist and itch free. I slept most of today and I still feel tired. No body aches or fever though. I hope it goes away soon.

Good Night... eerr Morning to some of you.