Trying To Get My Groove Back

It's been tough.  I have not had the desire to write.  Then when I do have inspiration, I'm at work with no time to stop and jot down my thoughts.  I haven't been reading much either.  I have six books I have yet to finish.  I'm not exercising, cleaning, organizing, and I have reminders on my phone to make sure I do these darn things.   I need to get it together.

This time last year I was trying the Ruth Soukup challenges from her books.  I failed miserably.  One day is not enough time for my clutter.  I did however donate ten boxes to Salvation Army in July and will be donating another six this week.  My plan is to donate one more time by the end of the year.

I've made an End of the Year Plan... Yay! Okay, not really.  If I would have done what I said I was going to last year, I would be buying a house and 100% organized right now.   So this is me declaring my life a mess and it needs cleaning up... again.  My dream/Goal is to become a minimalist.  I have been watching videos on Youtube.  Now, I don't want to get rid of everything I have.  I want to reduce what I have to the important things and stop buying crap I don't need.  I will never give up on my books, NEVER.  So don't dare ask me to do that.  I also need to get my health in order.  I have gained a lot of weight recently and all my pants are pretty snug.  I also look gross when I'm sitting.  While I was thinking about ways to improve my life, I realized I spend most of my off time eating and playing Facebook games. YES, I said it, I play Facebook games.  I started to make a list of things I want to work on.  So this is where I'll start, then reevaluate in 30 days.

1. Make a Budget
2. Organize home and digital files
3. Donate to Salvation Army 
4. Reduce Social media & games
5. Read more (15 books by January 1)
6. Exercise (start at 3x a week)
7. Bring lunch to work. 

Dang It!

As I try to clean up my digital life I am getting frustrated. I have always saved my passwords and screen names, just in case.  Now I can't retrieve some of these accounts due to wrong passwords and my confusion of which email I used as a back up.  Hopefully I will be able to fix all this mess soon. I really want to get back to writing and using the other blogs I opened. Also, I want to clean up my online profiles.

I have failed horribly.

March Goals.

First off, I have awful hand writing. I think i need to add practice penmanship.

I have decided what my March Goals will be.  I failed February as I did not blog every single day.  I missed about 3 or so days of water and exercise.  I guess I did okay for February.  March will be hard.  I can be a social person online and I have a hard time keeping my mouth closed.  The purpose of this goal is to learn to just be in the moment.  To not look at my phone when I am bored.  To learn how to be less open to the world, and keep many things to myself.  I've been doing okay with the keeping certain things to myself.  I need to improve on it.  I will continue with Februarys goals as well except I will reduce my water to 80 oz.





- Be Mindful of your words.  I need to practice this, I have a habit of saying things I regret, I don't analyze what I want to say before I say it.  I need to slow down and think.   I have a list of words and phrases I would like to remove from my vocabulary.  Now I need to think of some fabulous words to add.

- Less Social Media, 3 days a week at most or an hour a day (posting blogs on sites). Blogging doesn't count and I can blog as much as I like.  Like I said above, I want to stop going to Social Media every time I'm bored.  In my last post about the dreams I've been having, I removed myself from Social Media completely.  I will not be doing so at this time.  I will reduce my time and decide which accounts should be deleted and which will be useful to keep.

- Giving up and letting go.  This is just my way of saying the time of purging is now and must be complete by the end of March.  When it comes to people.  I just wish the ones who stick around because they are bored, or because they feel sorry for me would just go away.  There are so many people that keep me around for no reason.  They aren't really my friends, I'm just a part of their collection.   Then there are the few that have me around "just in case"...  I was once a person who did that to someone else.  It's awful.  Don't do it.  Please don't make me the back burner friend.  I do not know if anyone is doing that, but I hope if there is someone, they will be kind enough to tell me the truth.  

Do I Follow the Signs?

I have had a dream three times in the last week.  The first dream woke me up and frightened me.  In the end, I was alone, though content and happy enough, I was very lonely.  The loneliness was my only struggle throughout the dream.  It wasn't all the time, just at key moments of my life in the dream.  I seemed happy, I really did.  Maybe I was just feeling sorry my dream self and didn't like the idea of always being alone in the future.  There was no one in the dream that was friend or family.  There were strangers, colleges, and such.  Just no one close to me in any way.  What does that mean?  How do I proceed with that?  Do I remove everyone from my life or is this what will happen if I don't change?

Usually if I have a dream more than once some or all of it comes true in some way.  Two small parts have already happened in real life, I'm now waiting for the second half of one of these scenes to play out.  There are parts of the dream that came to me so vivid and strong.  Almost as if I HAVE to do what my dream was telling me.  The only difference in the dreams is when these things start to happen.  One dream started today, when something changed in my life.  In the dream I deleted all Social Media, including my blog.  I remove myself from the digital world.  I have been contemplating this drastic decision all week.  The dream had me pretty much remove myself from the world.  I went to work and I came home.  I did nothing else.  I became silent, distant, emotionless, and a workaholic.  No time for anyone or anything.  I no longer saw the world, as if I was walking through a frosted glass tunnel.  I can hear it all but everything around me was blurry.   It seems in the dream I was invisible.  Maybe I was dead in the dream.  No, that can't be right.  There were parts of the dream that death would not fit.

I won't lie or hide the fact that though this dream sounds lonely and depressing, I am okay with it becoming a reality.  The thing about these dreams is that a part of me somewhat feels the way I did in the dream.  Does this mean the rest of me will finally go along with it?   I truly wish I was silent and emotionless.  I have far to much emotion for one person to handle and I say too much.

I have been writing all this crazy lists and trying to figure out how I want things to be for myself.  Maybe that is why I keep having these dreams.  My silly ideas are forming into what might happen.  There are certain things, many things I want to change about myself and I believe they are manifesting in these dreams to show my either how to go about getting where I want to be or a warning of what will happen if i do follow through.  The question is Do I follow the signs?

Lazy Saturday

Most of my saturday was super lazy. I watched Bones on Netflix, a few Youtube videos with Samantha, and went on a 30 minute walk, then to the store for a few snacks and Nesquick for the kids. Not an exciting day. The best part of the day is that my laptop decided to cooperate.

I didn't blog the last couple of days. I feel guilty about it and sat at my desk most of the day thinking about what to write. As I sat here staring at the screen, I thought that maybe it was time to change the design of my blog.  I changed the colors and background over and over again but could not figure out which one best represented me as a person. I was frustrated and getting tired. I asked a friend what they thought of a few themes I liked and they picked one that I really liked but wasn't sure about. I decided to go with it  but change it a little to fit ME better.  What you see is the end result and I am pleased with it.  Who knew designing a blog would be so darn stressful.

I am going to edit my Labels and change a few background things tomorrow.  I am thinking I will delete some old blogs that no longer represent me as well. It's time to clean up my blogs and maybe social networking sites need a clean up too.

30 Facts Or Something

Random photo, just because.

This was a tagging game on Facebook back in the day.  You were tagged and had to write 30 facts or whatever about yourself. Then tag other people. Wooo, fun right? I posted mine November 16, 2010.  I won't put the link to the original here but IF you are friends with me on Facebook I'm sure you can easily find it in my notes.  I'm really tired and did not feel well today, but wanted to post something. I saw this on Facebook and laughed at myself.  So why not share it here with a bit of an update. 

1. I'm addicted to caffeine 

2. I love toys from vending machines

3. I have 3 younger sisters- Cristy, Jessica, and Melanie

4. I've been told the first impression I give is a stuck up bitch  

5. I've also been told that once someone gets to know me, I too damn nice  

6. I would live in an off the grid compound and disappear from the world if I could. 

7. I love black & white nude photography

8. I love porn

9. I'm a geek ... yup

10. I don't do drugs, but am 420 friendly and drink when I'm with friends.  I don't consider marijuana a drug.

11. I have 3 kids ages 19, 16, and 14. 

12. I love everything Harry Potter

13. I'm loud and obnoxious. Get used to it

14. I want to move but, I'm scared. Also I love it here, and keep finding reasons not to leave.  

15. I'm overly emotional. I cry about everything :(

16. I'm horrible when it comes to math

17. I want to go to a nudist camp for a day or weekend.

18. I'm afraid of clowns and heavily crowded places

19. I have Anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder. It sucks

20. I am a cutter- No not one of those fake ass emo attention whores. I haven't done it in a while and no longer have the urge to do so. Only time will tell if I've beat it. --- Since the original post I have cut once. I guess I didn't win the battle. 

21. I have NEVER smoked cigarettes and once considered it a deal breaker for relationships.  I like the smell of it on some people though.  Weird, right?  

22. I used to be afraid of the dark. --- Not anymore :D

23. I have 3 nieces and 1 nephew I have never met. 

24. I hate sleeping alone.  --- I don't mind it now, though I prefer to snuggle up to someone 

25. I hate driving.. it gives me anxiety attacks..

26. I dislike weddings and baby showers.  

27. I think men in uniform, work attire, and cowboy attire are damn sexy. 

Sagging jeans in not cute STOP IT!

28.  Though I don't drive, I'm definitely a CHEVY girl. 

29. I prefer husky men over skinny or fit guys.  

30. I'm a procrastinator 

Most did not change or changed a little bit. Geez, I can't believe I once said I had an asian fetish. What a dork I am. 

Is it the End?

THE END IS NEAR!

Not exactly the end, just a revamp, transformation, evolution, maturity (okay, maybe not maturity).  Something is changing and I am going with the flow.  I can feel it in my soul.  I thought last year was the year of change.  I called it year of self and tried too hard to change and better myself.  I didn't do that bad, but I could have done better.  We could always do better, right?

I've been in the mood to throw things out and start a new, anew? Is that one word or two?  I have no clue.  Why am I rhyming? I have been going through boxes and what not in my home and removing anything that no longer serves a purpose.  This cleaning has now moved on to the interwebs.  I have removed social networking accounts, friends, groups, blogs, pictures, and updating what needs to be updated.  This will go on for a long time.  IF you have been removed or can't find me somewhere on the interwebs, you'll just have to deal.

I would like to make all my accounts fluid and matchy-matchy.  I am debating on whether I should deactivate my facebook or just leave it alone and not log in.  I'm killing my Twitter, though I may make a new one later.  I removed some old blogs and will be moving others to another site.  I will post all new sites and links here as soon as it is complete.  If you have any cool ideas or sites I should try, let me know please.

So, it's not really the end, but a much needed change of direction.    

Day 1: Project 365, 30 Day Challenges & so on.

I have decided to retry the Project 365. One picture everyday of the year. So my submission for Jan 1, 2013 is a photo of me.  I will be posting the Project 365 on Instagram (@justanotherlisaperez) and Tumblr. The Tumblr link is on the right side of your screen under My Other Hangouts.

 I am also doing a 30 day challenge again. For the month of january I will take a photo of myself everyday. Mostly head shots, but all will be of me in some way. I am hoping to find enough challenges to do one each month.  I'm pretty excited about it. If I have to I will make up challenges. Hey, you never know, someone else may use it.

I didn't do anything today. I woke up around noon, took a nice long shower, ate, and thats about it. I was online for a bit, but nothing came of the day. It's 11:00 pm and I was unproductive today.  The rest of the week will be busy, so it's cool that I took today off. Well at least I think so.  Well that is all for tonight. I just wanted to post my day 1 photo.  Good night.

~Lisa

A quickie.

Sorry my loves. I know I haven't been blogging and I'm sure no one wants to read my rambles. I've been having some emotional roller coaster shit going on. So please bare with me.

First off Autumn is my favorite season and yet I have seasonal depression so I have a hard time at the end of Summer & the beginning of Autumn. I slept 2 weeks of September away. Wishing the world would just disappear, but it didn't. The world is still here and so am I. It's a vicious cycle I go through every year. Maybe I will blog about it one day.

So here I am again, feeling ready to blog. Ready to rant, rave, and scare you. Okay I'm not really that scary.  I do try though. As I read online news, social networking posts, and just living life; I see plenty of things I should be ranting about these days. I don't because I am tired of reading so many damn complaints. Everyone is whining about something, shoving their mean spirited thoughts and ideas down others virtual throats. We have become an entitlement society like a spoiled rotten, undisciplined 5 year old.  It's annoying. Sadly I am complaining about the complainers. wwaaahhhhh.  I'll get over it.

I will attempt to blog daily. I will find a reason to blog, and if I need to vent and complain, I promise to find something nice to say as well. I guess one of my topics will be about bad exs, because thats what people want to read about. I'll think up some interesting topics, I'm sure I have some in my journals.

This blog makes no sense but we'll all get over it. I said it was a quickie.


So help me out and give me some blog topics you want to read about.

Here's something pretty to look at. :)

quickie

I had a relaxing and fun weekend.
I'm about to go to the City council meeting to find out what is going on with my hood.
It's freaking hot, but i can'tr complain cause there are soldiers in worse weather than I.
I'll blog more later. I'm just bored waiting for my ride to the meeting.
I also made a StumbleUpon account. YAY ME

It's the Fourth of July !

YAY! Happy Fourth everyone!

This is a mini blog, I'm tired of reading, but not yet tired enough to sleep.

.1 My lovely sunburn may have caused damage to my Jack Skellington tattoo. As I look at the sunburn on my arm I can see spots where the tattoo has become light.  It's like there are tiny blisters, so I will wait and see what the damage is.  I may just have the work redone and updated. The tattoo isn't complete anyhow.

.2 This is not a complaint really, okay maybe a little one, but what is up with guys thinking they can message you " you are so beautiful/ Wow I love your eyes/ You are so sexy, we should meet. heres my number." WTF, really? I don't know you and this is the first time you have messaged me. Of course Call Me Maybe now makes sense, though Timothy DeLaGhettos version could be more fitting. I'll put his video at the bottom. Crazy creepers I tell ya.
Here is one of the worst I've gotten so far: 
How are you? I found your profile quite interesting & you very sexy! :) Would like to get to know you more. Am married, but very open minded & fun loving. Are you? I live in Oakland. Am not on here for a hook up or a one night stand. Would love to get to know you more. Are you open to being friends & explore each other just casually if there's mutual attraction & chemistry, FWB..no strings attached affair/relationship, or whatever you call it? ;)

Why do people think this is okay? I just don't get it. I'm not all that and I know it. So they must think giving the fat/ugly chicks compliments will get them booty. Not this fat ugly chick. I'll pass guys.

.3 A friend of mine sent me a Facebook link about blogging. Unfortunately I just turned too old for the job. If you would like to try it out and are between the ages of 16-34 here is the Link to Nichols Research (food blogs) Good luck!


And here is the awesome video by Timothy deLaGhetto (LOVE HIM). Everytime I go to the store I now sing " where the hoes at where the hohos at" hahaha Damn I want some hohos now.
Also like his Facebook page: Traphik and the lovely lady in the video: LUX

I'm 35

Yesterday was my 35th birthday. Hooray! I wasn't feeling well and slept most of the day, BOO! I received one call, one text, one email (I thought that person forgot about me), and 50+ Facebook Happy Birthday greetings from friends and family. There is something that I realized. With social networking people have become super lazy, me included, that we don't even bother to call or send cards anymore. I feel I could do better in the birthday greeting department and will make an effort. Now that I have said that, I just noticed I missed my nephews birthday. GREAT, well better late than never, right? So I'll send his and his big sisters card at the same time.

So I have been reading my books for the challenge and they must bore me because I keep falling asleep while reading them. Maybe I am still ill. Thursday is my 7th day, so I need to get going. I didn't read much Saturday (super sunburn) or Sunday (ill), only when I took a bath. Haha bath time is reading time for me. i really do want to complete all 7 books. The goal is to finish 2 tomorrow. We'll see.

Taken Sunday, See my ugly sunburn. I think it's a sign I'm going to hell. Only I would get burned at a church event.

Beautifully Ironic by: Ricky Mena

Ricky Mena has done it again. A new song posted today. It's a beautiful song that will hit you to the core. This one seriously needs to be on the radio NOW! It's just that great.

Go LIKE Ricky on Facebook at www.facebook.com/RickyMenaMusic
You can also find him at www.reverbnation.com/RickyMena

Enjoy and have a blessed evening

Music Challenge Day 9: SHOUT OUTS INSTEAD!

30 day music challenge day 9: Listen to a song from a genre you hate. 

I cannot think of a genre that I HATE. So instead of playing music i'm supposed to hate, I will share some songs that I like from a few local musicians.





Song #1 J-Ward (from Many Different Concepts) - No Vacancies

You can find music from Many Different Concepts HERE and go LIKE J-Wards page on Facebook.


Song #2 DEADDOWNHERE - There's Science in the Escape

DEADDOWNHERE is a project between Dan Ciuffini & Josh Stirling (aka Dirty Red)
You can find more music by Josh Stirling (aka Dirty Red) HERE & you can LIKE his page on Facebook.

Song #3 Ricky Mena - Laser Lights

I know I just blogged about this guy Ricky Mena but I love this song. Go LIKE his page on Facebook.

I guess that is all for now....Maybe I'll post pics of tits & ass later. haha Good evening kids.

xoxo,

Mizz Lisa

Show some love for Ricky Mena

Ricky Mena is an artist from Pittsburg CA. Many of you know I am a huge supporter of local and unsigned musicians. This guy Ricky is one that deserves to be signed by a major company. His music speaks from the heart and he isn't one of those wanna be thugs. He keeps it real. Check out his Youtube Channel (some funny videos in there too) and Ricky also has a ReverbNation account as well. Go show this man and his music some love.

Oh Yeah and go LIKE him on Facebook at Ricky Mena Music

Much Love & Respect,

Mizz Lisa

It's 2 am

   I can't sleep again. So I finished my revised Bucket List. You can find it above my posts. I figured that would be the best place to put it. An easy way to find it whenever I or someone else wants to check up on it.
 I posted my bucket list on Facebook, Myspace, and Tumblr as well. I am hoping it will help someone else start or add to their bucket list. I found some of my ideas on Tumblr. there are some great visual bucket lists on Tumblr and it helped me decide if those were things I would really want to do. I removed some stuff and added a ton more. I know a Bucket List is never truly complete. There is always something more to add.
 I went to Target today to get a few things. One was a journal, I found one I liked and was holding it while I looked at what else there was. I saw something I thought a special friend would like. without thinking I set the journal I wanted down and picked up the other item. I looked it over and thought it would be a great gift. I put the item for my friend in the basket and totally forgot about the journal I wanted. So in the morning I will go back and get my journal. I'm such a dork.
 I just noticed that while I type I don't always hit the I at the right time and it doesn't get capitalized. Poor I is neglected by me.

Holy Cow...err pig?

  So I had chili and cherry soda the other day and I got sick. I am still not feeling better. Why you may ask. Well 1. I ate beef and had soda. 2. I feel guilty. I really think skipping on beef and soda is the right choice, because even a rare occasion of indulging may make me ill. I do need to drink more water and milk. So Lent was a success to an extent. This year I only lost 5 pounds, but thats okay. I can't wait to eat pork, but I am afraid it will have the same effect on me as did the beef. We will wait and see. mmmm BLT.  I have been craving one for weeks. WEEKS PEOPLE!

  I also need to step up my game on fitness. I have been slacking off and doing workouts only half way. I need a coach. or someone to tell me to get of Facebook and get my ass moving.


oink oink

Lent: Day 36

  I figured out what day of Lent I was on. Depending on which day you start on your Lent can be 40 days or 42 days long. I have actually chosen the 42 day path. I'm not 100% sure what the difference is for starting Lent on Monday (Eastern Catholicism) or Ash Wednesday (Western Catholicism).  All I know is one is Western and the other Eastern. Maybe I should research it since I practice Lent. I have done pretty well this year especially with giving up so much. I did cheat a few times, and Ryan and I had a deal where if we cheated we had to add a week for each cheat. I will not be doing that this year because some of the things I have given up for Lent with be permanent or reduced.

  I will be giving up beef & soda permanently. I will be reducing my pork (once a week) and poultry (twice a week) intake. I will also reduce my cussing. Sex is easy to reduce because I am not in a relationship (so no need for sex) and I deleted all porn off my computer. I'm keeping the masturbation because it's good for me and it helps me sleep. Dining out will be for special occasions only (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.).  Social Networking- though I did not give it up completely, I have reduced my time. I try to log in at certain times of the day instead of leaving it on all day. I will reduce it to 2 log ins a day, 30 minutes long. So an hour a day to stalk you should be good.

Lent: I'm lost

Sometime today i need to open my Google Calendar and back track. I am so lost right now. I don't really know what day of Lent I am in. I have been doing very well with Lent. I did have a cheat moment i think. I tried some Jerky and I am not sure what kind of meat it was, I think pork, it was weird and I didn't like it. So maybe thats a good thing.

I have to be honest. I have been really depressed lately. It's why I haven't been posting or on Facebook a lot. I just don't have the energy. I workout and I take care of my kids. Thats it. I have been sleeping a lot (when the kids are in school) and when I am wake I try to find work. I don't know what is going on with me. I have no desire to be social, or leave my house if I don't need to. I try to go for my walks when my neighbors are not outside smoking, so they won't stop me so we can talk. I don't want to deal with any drama or stress right now. Please don't tell me I need to talk to someone or go to the Dr. It won't happen. If I need to vent or talk, I'll come here.

I just want to give up. Key word there is want, but I'm not going to. I'll work my way out of this depression. I've done it before and I know I can do it again.

Lent: Day 20 I hate Mac N Cheese, but I ate it.

Bleh

  I really do hate it. My kids used to love Mac N Cheese and want it almost every day with their dinner. I think that's why I started hating it. We had it so much. Hot dogs, mac n cheese, and green beans. For a long time that is all my kids would eat. As they got older they would eat corndogs, chicken nuggets and fish sticks. Now my son loves steak and pork chops. I have to fight with him to eat anything else. He may eat mashed potatoes and gravy or french bread (no butter). It's a losing battle with that boy. My girls have both decided they no longer like meat (except bacon, turkey lunch meat, and salami)  WTH?? Now what am I supposed to cook? Please dont say vegan meat because we tried that. No one liked it. Shelby lives with her father now so I only have to worry about her in the summer and Christmas. Samantha will only eat Caesar Salad. No other kind will do. Samantha LOVES corn, mashed or baked potatoes, with gravy if mashed, asparagus and broccoli. She is a my good eater, but only her. When and how did my kids become so freaking picky? I know we are pretty poor compared to most families, but I still buy good for you food. I have to figure out how to get my kids to eat more. They prefer processed crap which is all I can afford, but I do try to get fresh veggies and lean meats first. It's a daily battle for a well balanced dinner. I have a shelf filled with cookbooks, but I haven't found much to please the kids tastes buds.

 It doesn't help that their fathers side is filled with picky eaters. Their grandfather Dennis is the only one who eats anything. I know he makes good meals because we used to live with them. When we lived on our own, the kids father was so picky the kids hardly got veggies or healthy food. He pretty much ate crap. I refuse to make some of the meals I made back than now. Even though it would be more cost effect to make those meals and add veggies to them.  I just can't do it, The food makes me want to vomit.

  Back to the Mac n Cheese, I hate it, the taste, texture, everything. I used to add polish sausage and broccoli to it. I only eat it now because I want the kids to see that just because you don't like something doesn't mean you cant try it. Maybe you 'll like the next time. Today was a finish it off day. What does that mean? I cook anything that has not enough food for all of us. So we made fish sticks, chicken strips, mac n cheese and some broccoli. Pretty much finishing any semi-empty packages. We do that maybe once a week. I'm not going to get into the serving amount complaint I have right now. I'll save it for another blog. I ate the Mac n Cheese with a little of everything else. David (my son) did not touch the Mac n Cheese, I asked him why and he said "I don't like it". Oh nice, I'm not the only one, but I at least I ate it.

Any ideas, help, or advise on getting the kids to eat more is very much appreciated right now.

I'm off to watch Labyrinth and relax. Maybe I'll watch The Dark Crystal too.

This kitty must know my kids

P.S. We are working on our very own veggie garden. I'll post pics as we go.