In The Absence of Sex

Two years ago I attempted to explore a variety of dating and sexual encounters. It fizzled out quickly.  I was bored or unimpressed with the people involved.  I thought maybe it was me at first.  Then I realized I just didn't like the experience as much as I thought I would.  After years of so-so situation-ships and two failed long term relationships (One was extremely toxic), I felt that I needed to remove myself from any "adult" activities. 

During these last two years I did re-attempt some form of dating but failed.  The men I met only wanted sex or thought sex was a way to get to know someone.  Uhm, no sir, that is not how you get to know me.   I can't believe how many guys on social media go straight to dick pics after a few minutes of chatting.  SLOW DOWN DUDE!!  Men at bars or at other public places were so quick to want to hook up.  The few I gave my number to would text me way too much and get upset if I didn't respond right away.  Clingy much??  There were a few who were nice guys, but they were not a good fit for me.  The bad relationships strike again, seeing red flags early on when talking to men.  Yes, I am set in my ways and I may have too many deal breakers.  I keep telling myself to wait until I move next year.  I'll have better luck in a new place.  Will I really?  What are the chances?  I feel defeated here in this drug infected town.  The thought of "All the good ones are taken" comes to mind.  I know that's not true.  I think I'm just a pain in the ass and too lazy to try.

Interesting fact: I no longer have interest in sex.  I quit watching porn and boxed up my adult toys.  Yup, I am 100% sex free!!  Though I am proud of this, I do wonder if it has anything to do with my depression.  I can't remember the last time I had any "relief".  The only time I get the urge is at the end of my monthly cycle.  I take a nice long bath and I'm good.  Sex is good for you and helps you stay healthy.  Sometimes I wonder if my lack of desire is part of my health issues.  How does one go about finding out of that is the case?  I can't talk to my doctor about it.  So who do I go to?  Oh poop!! I forgot to schedule my pap and mammogram appointment.  Oopsy!!