Whining Rant

It's about that time again in my life where I am beyond sexually frustrated.  I get a bit emotional when I don't have sex. I cry a lot, throw tantrums, and become a man hater.  I become a bitter, angry shrew who is mad at everyone who is having sex.  Fuck you cute couples, Fuck you couple making out in public, and Fuck you married guy friends who think it's okay to flirt with me.
I'm frustrated to the point that I feel like purging my house.  Throw away everything! I hate everything and everyone.. All because I can't have sex.  Okay, okay, I know I can go out find a one night stand or something, but I fear STIs way too much to do that now. Maybe 10 or more years ago I would have been cool with it. Now, no way. Besides a one time fling is not going to quench my thirst.
I read that it takes two years of no sex for your libido to calm the fuck down and have almost no desire. That will never happen to me, even if I decided to run away to a convent and become a nun.  I guess I could take medication to kill it.  I'm afraid it won't work, but it is an option.  Yes, I know I have ranted and raved and whined again and again about this issue.  Masturbation no longer does the job. The instant I'm done, it's as if I never did it.  I still enjoy watching porn and all that fun stuff, so I don't know why I'm fucking damaged.  waahhh waahh boo hoo..

I just don't know what to do about it except cry or risk getting cooties. I don't want cooties.  Cookies on the other hand I do want... Anyone have some cookies for me?


I hate everyone.

Will you be my Anti-Valentine?

I know what you are thinking.  I've been single three years and I'm just bitter and jealous of all the ladies getting gifts on Valentine's Day.

NOPE! WRONG!

I don't really HATE Valentine's Day.  I just don't see the point in it.  Now, I'm not saying I wouldn't be grateful for gifts and attention on that day.  To me, it's just another day.   Why do we need a special day to tell someone we care and shower them with gifts?  Personally it would mean a lot more to me if I got flowers on any random day, just because.  By the way I dislike red roses.  The are so overrated.  Give me some sunflowers, dahlias, or  how about some random ass wildflowers you picked before you came to see me.  I love chocolate just like most ladies,  but why wait to have some.  I'll eat it any day of the year.  Actually, I buy that stuff weekly.  Bring me beer, whiskey & coke, and maybe a pizza instead.

The idea of women comparing, competing and crying over what their men got them or didn't get them is just sad.  Appreciate their efforts for crying out loud.  And men, you make me laugh when you go above and beyond with gifts hoping to get whatever sexual desire she likes to hold out on.  Ladies don't hold out on sex for gifts.  That's awful.  Give the guy a blow job or anal.  If you really don't like it,  don't use it as a way to get a gift you want only to fake that you're enjoy the sexual treat.  It can ruin the moment.

I'm the type of person that does not wait for a special occasion to show you I care, give you extra super duper affection, and/or give you a gift.  It will happen when it pops in my head.  If I buy you a gift, it's just because it made me think of you. There are only two special days I feel it is important for me to give someone extra attention and gifts: Birthday and Anniversary.  All other Holidays are optional and open for discussion.  

Now IF, I ever date a man who enjoys celebrating any Holiday, I will be down to participate.  Just don't make it a big deal if you don't like the Valentine's day. Talking about how much you hate it and don't want to participate over and over again is like a slap in the face. Hoping I agree so you don't have to spend money is just rude.  How hard is it to kindly ask my opinion of the darn Holiday?

Okay, so some of you are thinking, what about Saint Patrick's Day, Mardi Gras, Cinco De Mayo and any other holiday you get to indulge in drunken stupidness?  Like I said, They are open for discussion. As above, I always welcome beer as a gift any day of the week and ALL Holidays.

By the way Singles Awareness Day is Saturday February 15 and Steak and Blow Job Day is March 14.  Do not wait until March 14th to give your man a blow job or steak.  At the bare minimum that should be once a week.

So, if you want to be my Anti-Valentine, bring me some beer.  Or you could bring me beer just because, which is way better.

xoxo,

Lisa

P.S. I will end this silly entry with a song. A song that I adore and I sing along to the Joan Osborne version all the time.