I can't wait

Thanksgiving is almost here and I get a 4 day weekend. Though I would rather work. I have decided to do some work at home since I can't work for 2 days.

Time to blog, eat some turkey, and do some home maintenance... I have things I need to get rid of, mentally and physically.  Nothing bad or scary. Just some happiness and growth.  Oooh and I get to start Christmas decorating.  

Yay me!

Monday Morning Rambling

I start work in a few minutes, but all I can think about is this weekend.  I can't wait to get out of town. I've been looking forward to this mini trip for a while now.

There are many places within California I would like to visit and the Metro Hotel, Petaluma CA is one of them.  That is where I will be this weekend. I'm pretty excited. I have never stayed in Petaluma, though I think I have traveled through it a couple of times.  Before the hotel we will be visiting my favorite park in San Francisco, John McLaren Park. I haven't been there in a while and miss it very much.  After the park we will be going to the Dickens Fair which I have never been. So, two firsts this coming weekend.  Again...Super excited for this adventure!

Can you tell I'm excited? Maybe a little...

So here is my song for the week.  No surprise, right? You gotta love the 80's and the weekend.

It's All Good

I've been on a wild ride this past year.  Meeting new people, learning new things, starting a new job.... Oh wait, that's everyday in a life type shit... Never mind, I guess it wasn't as wild as I thought.

I have been on this journey to find myself. To become a better person and to be more self aware.  In these last few years I have learned we are a forever changing beings.  As we search for ourselves we change ourselves. We adapt, constantly breaking down and renewing ourselves.  I believe I am going through the breaking down process and it's about time I renewed myself.  In the last year alone, I have learned so much about myself it's ridiculous  My ideals of life, relationships, and self have changed.  What I used to think I might want someday, I now know for sure I want these things to happen in my life. It's time I made them happen.  There are a few things I have put up with and disastrously managed through out my life, thinking there will be a better way or a person to help me understand.  I have learned what that better way is and had a great friend help me understand my feelings on this situation and understand another point of view.  I can now move forward in my life knowing these problems will no longer be, a problem. I can manage with clarity and will not put up with any issues that come my way.

Yes I am being vague.  I am keeping many thoughts and feelings to myself   For now, that is best, and I apologize to my readers if this at all confuses you. My mind has been overflowing with thoughts and I have not yet sorted it all out, but I am working on it the best I can.  Things are changing again.  I used to hate change, I had to have a plan and know every detail in order for my mind to be calm.  I am trying to learn to be more in the now and be spontaneous.  Learning to live in what feels like chaos.  Expect the unexpected at all times.  It is difficult, but I am taking it day by day and getting better.

Whining Rant

It's about that time again in my life where I am beyond sexually frustrated.  I get a bit emotional when I don't have sex. I cry a lot, throw tantrums, and become a man hater.  I become a bitter, angry shrew who is mad at everyone who is having sex.  Fuck you cute couples, Fuck you couple making out in public, and Fuck you married guy friends who think it's okay to flirt with me.
I'm frustrated to the point that I feel like purging my house.  Throw away everything! I hate everything and everyone.. All because I can't have sex.  Okay, okay, I know I can go out find a one night stand or something, but I fear STIs way too much to do that now. Maybe 10 or more years ago I would have been cool with it. Now, no way. Besides a one time fling is not going to quench my thirst.
I read that it takes two years of no sex for your libido to calm the fuck down and have almost no desire. That will never happen to me, even if I decided to run away to a convent and become a nun.  I guess I could take medication to kill it.  I'm afraid it won't work, but it is an option.  Yes, I know I have ranted and raved and whined again and again about this issue.  Masturbation no longer does the job. The instant I'm done, it's as if I never did it.  I still enjoy watching porn and all that fun stuff, so I don't know why I'm fucking damaged.  waahhh waahh boo hoo..

I just don't know what to do about it except cry or risk getting cooties. I don't want cooties.  Cookies on the other hand I do want... Anyone have some cookies for me?


I hate everyone.

Words

Childish & Immature

Crazy

Emotional

Judgmental

Lazy

Loud

Obnoxious

Over Helpful

Over Sensitive (not the same as emotional)

Pack Rat

Passive- Aggressive

Sentimental

Smothering

Too Kind/Nice

Music on my Mind

It's Monday, How has your day been?  Mine has been a little slow but good. I applied for a new position at my current job. Hopefully I hear back from them soon.

That's not why I'm writing though. I've been stuck listening to love songs most of the day.  For some reason my ipod insists on playing only love songs. I know there are many other genres on my little device, so why is it playing girly, mooshy, love songs?  Finally I couldn't take it and hit the forward button a few times without paying attention.  In hopes of something different would play and I got my wish.  One of my new favorite YouTube songs played.

OH JEFFEREY

This is my other favorite song from him, but I haven't downloaded it yet.

I'M READING A BOOK

Thank you Julian Smith for making my day better with your songs.  Also thank you to JW for making me smile today.

I Think A Lot of Thoughts

There has been a lot of ruckus going on in my little brain.  Maybe because the work I do gives me opportunities to think random thoughts.

Thought #1-- I really need to do something about my cluttered apartment.  As I have been helping my friend JW and family prepare their homes for the move this past weekend. It made me realize I have way too much crap.  Okay, I already knew I had too much crap, but helping JW made me truly see it.  So, the question that popped into my head was: What would I do with all this stuff if I moved? The answer is: I have no idea. To me that is a sign of trouble.  I better get on it.

Thought #2-- I need to lose some weight and start eating better. AGAIN.. This new job has made me fat. Okay, it's not the job, it's my poor choices now that I work at a job where I sit on my butt all day.  I did a little research and I think I found a way to get some exercise in at work and found some great ideas for lunches.  I am thinking about going for the Ketogenic "diet"/ the Low carb high fat (LCHF) lifestyle.  It's just super hard because I am a Carb lover and have a sweet tooth.  I believe I can do it. I just keep using the excuse that carbs are easier to store in my "snack drawer" at work.  Lame right?  Also in my research I found this cute way to workout at work called  Deskercise, I need to pick out which ones I like and can do then make a little chart to print out and post in my cube.

Thought #3-- Blogging, it's a constant thought. I see or think of something and I think, "oh I should blog about that".  I try to write when I can.  I wish to write more content and more often.

Thought #4-- I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. I have been trying to write it all out so I can blog them.



Thought #5 --