I can't believe how fast 2014 went. I had some great adventures this year. I can say with happiness in my heart that 2014 was a great year. I have learned so much from my experiences this past year and it has helped me grow and become more self-aware. I should probably write a blog sharing all my favorite parts of 2014.
I can't wait to see what 2015 brings. I will do my best to manifest positivity, happiness, and love.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Well, Poop
It looks like I will have to learn to blog from my phone and squeeze sometime in at work in the morning before I start. Good thing I get to work 45 minutes early. No excuses, right?
My Mac is about to die on me and I can't do much with it. I've had it since 2008, I received it as a gift and it was already 2 years old. It has lasted me a long time. I am grateful of all that I was able to accomplish with my little friend Mac, but I think It's time to move on. Now I have to find a decent laptop I can use and another for my kids to share.
So, get ready to see weird post that may not be formatted correctly or look semi-nice because I suck at using Blogger on my phone. I also think it's time to revamp again.
My Mac is about to die on me and I can't do much with it. I've had it since 2008, I received it as a gift and it was already 2 years old. It has lasted me a long time. I am grateful of all that I was able to accomplish with my little friend Mac, but I think It's time to move on. Now I have to find a decent laptop I can use and another for my kids to share.
So, get ready to see weird post that may not be formatted correctly or look semi-nice because I suck at using Blogger on my phone. I also think it's time to revamp again.
What should my theme be for 2015?
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
I can't wait
Thanksgiving is almost here and I get a 4 day weekend. Though I would rather work. I have decided to do some work at home since I can't work for 2 days.
Time to blog, eat some turkey, and do some home maintenance... I have things I need to get rid of, mentally and physically. Nothing bad or scary. Just some happiness and growth. Oooh and I get to start Christmas decorating.
Yay me!
Time to blog, eat some turkey, and do some home maintenance... I have things I need to get rid of, mentally and physically. Nothing bad or scary. Just some happiness and growth. Oooh and I get to start Christmas decorating.
Yay me!
Monday, November 17, 2014
Monday Morning Rambling
I start work in a few minutes, but all I can think about is this weekend. I can't wait to get out of town. I've been looking forward to this mini trip for a while now.
There are many places within California I would like to visit and the Metro Hotel, Petaluma CA is one of them. That is where I will be this weekend. I'm pretty excited. I have never stayed in Petaluma, though I think I have traveled through it a couple of times. Before the hotel we will be visiting my favorite park in San Francisco, John McLaren Park. I haven't been there in a while and miss it very much. After the park we will be going to the Dickens Fair which I have never been. So, two firsts this coming weekend. Again...Super excited for this adventure!
Can you tell I'm excited? Maybe a little...
So here is my song for the week. No surprise, right? You gotta love the 80's and the weekend.
There are many places within California I would like to visit and the Metro Hotel, Petaluma CA is one of them. That is where I will be this weekend. I'm pretty excited. I have never stayed in Petaluma, though I think I have traveled through it a couple of times. Before the hotel we will be visiting my favorite park in San Francisco, John McLaren Park. I haven't been there in a while and miss it very much. After the park we will be going to the Dickens Fair which I have never been. So, two firsts this coming weekend. Again...Super excited for this adventure!
Can you tell I'm excited? Maybe a little...
So here is my song for the week. No surprise, right? You gotta love the 80's and the weekend.
Friday, November 7, 2014
It's All Good
I've been on a wild ride this past year. Meeting new people, learning new things, starting a new job.... Oh wait, that's everyday in a life type shit... Never mind, I guess it wasn't as wild as I thought.
I have been on this journey to find myself. To become a better person and to be more self aware. In these last few years I have learned we are a forever changing beings. As we search for ourselves we change ourselves. We adapt, constantly breaking down and renewing ourselves. I believe I am going through the breaking down process and it's about time I renewed myself. In the last year alone, I have learned so much about myself it's ridiculous My ideals of life, relationships, and self have changed. What I used to think I might want someday, I now know for sure I want these things to happen in my life. It's time I made them happen. There are a few things I have put up with and disastrously managed through out my life, thinking there will be a better way or a person to help me understand. I have learned what that better way is and had a great friend help me understand my feelings on this situation and understand another point of view. I can now move forward in my life knowing these problems will no longer be, a problem. I can manage with clarity and will not put up with any issues that come my way.
Yes I am being vague. I am keeping many thoughts and feelings to myself For now, that is best, and I apologize to my readers if this at all confuses you. My mind has been overflowing with thoughts and I have not yet sorted it all out, but I am working on it the best I can. Things are changing again. I used to hate change, I had to have a plan and know every detail in order for my mind to be calm. I am trying to learn to be more in the now and be spontaneous. Learning to live in what feels like chaos. Expect the unexpected at all times. It is difficult, but I am taking it day by day and getting better.
I have been on this journey to find myself. To become a better person and to be more self aware. In these last few years I have learned we are a forever changing beings. As we search for ourselves we change ourselves. We adapt, constantly breaking down and renewing ourselves. I believe I am going through the breaking down process and it's about time I renewed myself. In the last year alone, I have learned so much about myself it's ridiculous My ideals of life, relationships, and self have changed. What I used to think I might want someday, I now know for sure I want these things to happen in my life. It's time I made them happen. There are a few things I have put up with and disastrously managed through out my life, thinking there will be a better way or a person to help me understand. I have learned what that better way is and had a great friend help me understand my feelings on this situation and understand another point of view. I can now move forward in my life knowing these problems will no longer be, a problem. I can manage with clarity and will not put up with any issues that come my way.
Yes I am being vague. I am keeping many thoughts and feelings to myself For now, that is best, and I apologize to my readers if this at all confuses you. My mind has been overflowing with thoughts and I have not yet sorted it all out, but I am working on it the best I can. Things are changing again. I used to hate change, I had to have a plan and know every detail in order for my mind to be calm. I am trying to learn to be more in the now and be spontaneous. Learning to live in what feels like chaos. Expect the unexpected at all times. It is difficult, but I am taking it day by day and getting better.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Whining Rant
It's about that time again in my life where I am beyond sexually frustrated. I get a bit emotional when I don't have sex. I cry a lot, throw tantrums, and become a man hater. I become a bitter, angry shrew who is mad at everyone who is having sex. Fuck you cute couples, Fuck you couple making out in public, and Fuck you married guy friends who think it's okay to flirt with me.
I'm frustrated to the point that I feel like purging my house. Throw away everything! I hate everything and everyone.. All because I can't have sex. Okay, okay, I know I can go out find a one night stand or something, but I fear STIs way too much to do that now. Maybe 10 or more years ago I would have been cool with it. Now, no way. Besides a one time fling is not going to quench my thirst.
I read that it takes two years of no sex for your libido to calm the fuck down and have almost no desire. That will never happen to me, even if I decided to run away to a convent and become a nun. I guess I could take medication to kill it. I'm afraid it won't work, but it is an option. Yes, I know I have ranted and raved and whined again and again about this issue. Masturbation no longer does the job. The instant I'm done, it's as if I never did it. I still enjoy watching porn and all that fun stuff, so I don't know why I'm fucking damaged. waahhh waahh boo hoo..
I just don't know what to do about it except cry or risk getting cooties. I don't want cooties. Cookies on the other hand I do want... Anyone have some cookies for me?
I hate everyone.
I'm frustrated to the point that I feel like purging my house. Throw away everything! I hate everything and everyone.. All because I can't have sex. Okay, okay, I know I can go out find a one night stand or something, but I fear STIs way too much to do that now. Maybe 10 or more years ago I would have been cool with it. Now, no way. Besides a one time fling is not going to quench my thirst.
I read that it takes two years of no sex for your libido to calm the fuck down and have almost no desire. That will never happen to me, even if I decided to run away to a convent and become a nun. I guess I could take medication to kill it. I'm afraid it won't work, but it is an option. Yes, I know I have ranted and raved and whined again and again about this issue. Masturbation no longer does the job. The instant I'm done, it's as if I never did it. I still enjoy watching porn and all that fun stuff, so I don't know why I'm fucking damaged. waahhh waahh boo hoo..
I just don't know what to do about it except cry or risk getting cooties. I don't want cooties. Cookies on the other hand I do want... Anyone have some cookies for me?
I hate everyone.
Friday, October 24, 2014
Words
Childish & Immature
Crazy
Emotional
Judgmental
Lazy
Loud
Obnoxious
Over Helpful
Over Sensitive (not the same as emotional)
Pack Rat
Passive- Aggressive
Sentimental
Smothering
Too Kind/Nice
Crazy
Emotional
Judgmental
Lazy
Loud
Obnoxious
Over Helpful
Over Sensitive (not the same as emotional)
Pack Rat
Passive- Aggressive
Sentimental
Smothering
Too Kind/Nice
Monday, October 13, 2014
Music on my Mind
It's Monday, How has your day been? Mine has been a little slow but good. I applied for a new position at my current job. Hopefully I hear back from them soon.
That's not why I'm writing though. I've been stuck listening to love songs most of the day. For some reason my ipod insists on playing only love songs. I know there are many other genres on my little device, so why is it playing girly, mooshy, love songs? Finally I couldn't take it and hit the forward button a few times without paying attention. In hopes of something different would play and I got my wish. One of my new favorite YouTube songs played.
OH JEFFEREY
This is my other favorite song from him, but I haven't downloaded it yet.
I'M READING A BOOK
Thank you Julian Smith for making my day better with your songs. Also thank you to JW for making me smile today.
That's not why I'm writing though. I've been stuck listening to love songs most of the day. For some reason my ipod insists on playing only love songs. I know there are many other genres on my little device, so why is it playing girly, mooshy, love songs? Finally I couldn't take it and hit the forward button a few times without paying attention. In hopes of something different would play and I got my wish. One of my new favorite YouTube songs played.
OH JEFFEREY
This is my other favorite song from him, but I haven't downloaded it yet.
I'M READING A BOOK
Thank you Julian Smith for making my day better with your songs. Also thank you to JW for making me smile today.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
I Think A Lot of Thoughts
There has been a lot of ruckus going on in my little brain. Maybe because the work I do gives me opportunities to think random thoughts.
Thought #1-- I really need to do something about my cluttered apartment. As I have been helping my friend JW and family prepare their homes for the move this past weekend. It made me realize I have way too much crap. Okay, I already knew I had too much crap, but helping JW made me truly see it. So, the question that popped into my head was: What would I do with all this stuff if I moved? The answer is: I have no idea. To me that is a sign of trouble. I better get on it.
Thought #2-- I need to lose some weight and start eating better. AGAIN.. This new job has made me fat. Okay, it's not the job, it's my poor choices now that I work at a job where I sit on my butt all day. I did a little research and I think I found a way to get some exercise in at work and found some great ideas for lunches. I am thinking about going for the Ketogenic "diet"/ the Low carb high fat (LCHF) lifestyle. It's just super hard because I am a Carb lover and have a sweet tooth. I believe I can do it. I just keep using the excuse that carbs are easier to store in my "snack drawer" at work. Lame right? Also in my research I found this cute way to workout at work called Deskercise, I need to pick out which ones I like and can do then make a little chart to print out and post in my cube.
Thought #3-- Blogging, it's a constant thought. I see or think of something and I think, "oh I should blog about that". I try to write when I can. I wish to write more content and more often.
Thought #4-- I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. I have been trying to write it all out so I can blog them.
Thought #5 --
Friday, October 3, 2014
I Have 15 Minutes
I have 15 minutes to say Hello.
I have been pretty busy lately and I like it. I don't like the unknown, no one really does. As many of you know I live in Low-income/subsidized housing. When my income goes up, so does my rent. I took a day off work to make sure all paperwork and proof of employment was taken care of so by October 1 I would know what my new rent was and how I will need to budget my bills around it. It is October 2 and I have not been notified what my rent will be. I took half a day off Tuesday to take care of any loose ends. What irritates me the most is communication. Everyone involved has my contact information. How hard is it to notify me that there is an issue and it needs to be resolved immediately It would have been ideal for someone to call or email me and let me know what was going on. I emailed and called to keep in the loop, but no one knew anything or didn't respond in a timely manner. I'm frustrated. I can't pay any bills until my rent is paid. Some of my bills will now have a late fee.
My friend JW is moving this weekend. I have been helping when and where I can on house repairs, cleaning, and moving. Doing so is helping me keep my mind off my own home B.S... I am excited for JWs move. It will be a new adventure for his family.
Well believe it or not, that is my 15 minutes.
Many blessings to you and yours,
Lisa
I have been pretty busy lately and I like it. I don't like the unknown, no one really does. As many of you know I live in Low-income/subsidized housing. When my income goes up, so does my rent. I took a day off work to make sure all paperwork and proof of employment was taken care of so by October 1 I would know what my new rent was and how I will need to budget my bills around it. It is October 2 and I have not been notified what my rent will be. I took half a day off Tuesday to take care of any loose ends. What irritates me the most is communication. Everyone involved has my contact information. How hard is it to notify me that there is an issue and it needs to be resolved immediately It would have been ideal for someone to call or email me and let me know what was going on. I emailed and called to keep in the loop, but no one knew anything or didn't respond in a timely manner. I'm frustrated. I can't pay any bills until my rent is paid. Some of my bills will now have a late fee.
My friend JW is moving this weekend. I have been helping when and where I can on house repairs, cleaning, and moving. Doing so is helping me keep my mind off my own home B.S... I am excited for JWs move. It will be a new adventure for his family.
Well believe it or not, that is my 15 minutes.
Many blessings to you and yours,
Lisa
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Hot Thoughts, Not So Hot.
This time of year has always been a bad time of year for me. I don't really know why, it's just been this way for many years. These past 3 years has become a little easier as I try to learn what triggers my anxiety and depression. Learning and recognizing triggers can be difficult. Sometimes I have a delayed reaction and it takes longer to realize it. I have a lot of delayed reactions these days. I guess I'm getting old or dumber. Maybe both. I can't have seasonal depression, it happens in Winter, right? So what is causing me to be so down this time of year? I need to switch it around and make it my best time of year. I love Autumn and it's coming up, so why do I get sad, lonely, and lost this time of year? I do not fear change, but welcome it. Why can't I find the root of this issue? Ugh... so many questions I cannot answer and it's frustrating.
The last two days were rough, Monday I was having some difficult thoughts run through my mind. I was having a hard time controlling my thoughts. The ride home was helpful, until I actually got home and my kids had a blow out fight. I was so frustrated and upset that I had to leave. My daughter went to her grandparents and my son stayed home. I went for a walk, but could not get calm. My friend JW came and picked me up. A few shots of Jack Daniels with good conversation and I was feeling better. Then Tuesday the thoughts came back. Not as bad as Monday and I was able to focus on them better. I decided to write down these thoughts and ask myself Why was I thinking these things, Where were they coming from, and What can I do about it. Once I wrote it all out, I felt so much better. It also let me see my thoughts on paper. A great way for me to review and face these thoughts. My old therapist use to call these kind of thoughts HOT THOUGHTS, an instant emotional thought that makes you feel out of control. Write it down and ask why, where, how, and what?
I know it's mostly me doing what I do best, over thinking. Why do I do such a thing? Is it because I have an overactive imagination? Is it because of my anxiety and my constant moving mind... Its as if my brain never shuts down and is always going 80 in the slow lane. So, it seems the question I need to ask is How do I slow down my brain? I have tried meditation, it only works to calm me, but not work out or control my thinking better. Walking helps with my thought process, maybe I need to start walking again. Walking gives me time to just let my thoughts flow and release whatever emotions they bring. As above, writing helps as well, I think I will carry a journal at all times from now on.
I do have to say as the years pass I have gotten better. This is the first year that I did not try to hide from the world. I don't feel as ill and a-social as I did in years past. The physical aspect of this depression has not been present at all this year. I am tired, but I think it's just my new schedule for work. I think having the friends I do at this time has been a huge factor in my improvement as well. I could never express my appreciation for their friendship. Whether they know it or not, my friends have helped immensely.
Now... How do I figure out this thought process I got going on? My doctor suggests anxiety medication and exercise. I may just take her up on that suggestion even though I am against medicating. It may be helpful short term. Exercise I can do. The question with that is, do I do it at home or join a gym?
xoxo,
Lisa
The last two days were rough, Monday I was having some difficult thoughts run through my mind. I was having a hard time controlling my thoughts. The ride home was helpful, until I actually got home and my kids had a blow out fight. I was so frustrated and upset that I had to leave. My daughter went to her grandparents and my son stayed home. I went for a walk, but could not get calm. My friend JW came and picked me up. A few shots of Jack Daniels with good conversation and I was feeling better. Then Tuesday the thoughts came back. Not as bad as Monday and I was able to focus on them better. I decided to write down these thoughts and ask myself Why was I thinking these things, Where were they coming from, and What can I do about it. Once I wrote it all out, I felt so much better. It also let me see my thoughts on paper. A great way for me to review and face these thoughts. My old therapist use to call these kind of thoughts HOT THOUGHTS, an instant emotional thought that makes you feel out of control. Write it down and ask why, where, how, and what?
I know it's mostly me doing what I do best, over thinking. Why do I do such a thing? Is it because I have an overactive imagination? Is it because of my anxiety and my constant moving mind... Its as if my brain never shuts down and is always going 80 in the slow lane. So, it seems the question I need to ask is How do I slow down my brain? I have tried meditation, it only works to calm me, but not work out or control my thinking better. Walking helps with my thought process, maybe I need to start walking again. Walking gives me time to just let my thoughts flow and release whatever emotions they bring. As above, writing helps as well, I think I will carry a journal at all times from now on.
I do have to say as the years pass I have gotten better. This is the first year that I did not try to hide from the world. I don't feel as ill and a-social as I did in years past. The physical aspect of this depression has not been present at all this year. I am tired, but I think it's just my new schedule for work. I think having the friends I do at this time has been a huge factor in my improvement as well. I could never express my appreciation for their friendship. Whether they know it or not, my friends have helped immensely.
Now... How do I figure out this thought process I got going on? My doctor suggests anxiety medication and exercise. I may just take her up on that suggestion even though I am against medicating. It may be helpful short term. Exercise I can do. The question with that is, do I do it at home or join a gym?
xoxo,
Lisa
Friday, September 12, 2014
A Little Happy Update
Waiting at Walnut Creek Bart in the morning.. |
So....
As you can clearly see I have not been blogging. Instead I have been working, as in I got a 9-5 job, okay it's actually 7:30 - 4 but whatever.
I didn't want to talk about the job until I had been here for at least a month. Well it's been about a month, so it's now time to talk. The position is a Temporary Clerk for the county I live in. The Boss Lady I work under is a Systems Analyst in one of the many departments in the County. It's six months long, eight hour days, with an approximate 2 hour public transportation commute each way. Yes, that means I wake up between 4:30 and 5:00 am to get ready.
Here is my new daily schedule
4:30-5:00 --Snooze the darn alarm..... OMG I'm gonna be late
5:32 --YAY! 93x is here (right around the corner from my house) I usually sleep on this ride
6:10ish -- Arrive at Walnut Creek Bart to take 98x
6:24 -- YAY! 98x is departing
6:33 -- Arrive at Sun Valley Mall in Concord and walk the rest of the way to work.
6:45 -- Arrive at work
--- Clean my desk
--- Eat breakfast
--- Read or write in a journal while I wait to start
7:30-11:30 -- Logging in work from the previous evening and whatever else Boss Lady needs done.
11:30-12:00 -- Lunch ( I usually walk around the buildings or sit and watch the animals in the pond.)
12:00-4:00 -- Doing whatever kind of work that my Boss Lady needs.
4:24-4:35 98x to Walnut Creek Bart (this bus is always late... ALWAYS!!)
4:40-5:12 93x to home. I catch the 4:40 bus IF the 98x makes it in time. It's only happened once so far.
6:15 -- Hi Honey I'm Home!!!
By the time I get home, even though I usually sleep or read, I am too darn tired to cook. After a month you would think I have gotten down a schedule for home. NOPE, but I will... Someday
So now you know what I have been up to.
I think getting up early will in the long run be great for me. I have been trying to get myself on a schedule where I wake up before 6 am. I have been struggling with that for a long while. My only problem is I have loud neighbors and sometimes I am unable to get to bed at a decent hour.
I enjoy my job when we're busy, somedays I write or read while I wait for more work. I'm not always super busy, but I always have something to do. Next week will be off the hook busy as we are updating systems. Wish me luck...
My paper Clip Ram |
He wanted my Banana, but I didn't share |
Me taking a Selfie break. haha |
Friday, August 1, 2014
It's that time of year
I dislike this time of year. Well, it's more of a love/hate kind of thing. I'm trying to work on being positive and manifesting good energy. Why? Because I have something like seasonal depression and it creeps up sometime in August and ends in October. It seems to be coming early and I'm trying to stop it or at least reduce the level of stress and sadness it can bring. An overwhelming sadness, despair, and doubt. I don't want any of it. I want happiness, and contentment. I should be happy right now... I got a job, I should be excited. I'm indifferent. I am grateful for the friends I have who care and fill me will positive vibes. I can't express what their friendship means to me. I want to believe the positivity will help me conquer the issue I am having.
Monday, July 21, 2014
30 Day Challenge: Day 1- My Relationship Status
This card explains my life pretty well. I'm not saying that all my past relationship were awful. Only one was seriously dangerous. The rest just didn't work out. It takes two to tango, right? I have nothing to tell about my current relationship status. I don't have a significant other, but I do not consider myself available at this time. Does that make sense? I will say, it is great that I am not allowed to have pets in my apartment complex, or I would already have started my crazy cat lady collection. I do care for a cute stray cat when he comes around. Samantha named him DJ Meow-Mix (if you didn't know that).
This will be me someday, maybe |
Sunday, July 20, 2014
New Challenges
I'm excited, are you? |
This will take some work. :) |
I will change question 15 to Favorite Blogs instead of just Tumblr.
The music one looks fun. So expect a lot of youtube videos.
I'm not sure how I will do it yet. The plan in my head is one in the morning and one in the evening. Maybe a few, depending on my day or content of the challenges, will be posted together.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
I wish I could say it was PMS
I have been in bit of a funk lately. I can't shake the shitty feelings I have and the doubts that run through my mind. I would like to say it's PMS and tell myself to wait it out. The problem is, this all started way before my PMS started. My PMS does exacerbate the situation. I feel restless, fake, out of control, and completely lost. I hate the way I am feeling at the moment and I really hope it passes. I have been here before and I know where it leads... to a dark place I don't want to go. I know why I am coming to this awful place again, but I don't know how to stop it. The fear and the urge is strong this time too. I am trying to be careful. I am trying to distract myself and not allow my mind to drift off to this dark place. I fear I am losing this battle.
I just want to sleep until it passes.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Boredom Strikes
I'm sitting on the floor, watching Labyrinth, while eating my half burnt Digiorno supreme pizza. Okay I'm eating half and that's a whopping 700 calories... Yikes! I think I may give up frozen pizza.
And maybe a lot of other foods I don't really need. I started using myfitnesspal and Endomodo this week. I was using them before but my old phone wasn't able to keep up with the updates. I may switch to a different fitness app to link to myfitnesspal. Anyway, back to the pizza calories. I now need to work off 400 calories this evening. I know I will have to start planning my meals and make a fitness plan to keep me on track. Though I have these two apps to help me along, I also decided to use a fitness journal to keep up on my emotions and other habits. I'll have to participate in some fitness challenges or make up some of my own.
And maybe a lot of other foods I don't really need. I started using myfitnesspal and Endomodo this week. I was using them before but my old phone wasn't able to keep up with the updates. I may switch to a different fitness app to link to myfitnesspal. Anyway, back to the pizza calories. I now need to work off 400 calories this evening. I know I will have to start planning my meals and make a fitness plan to keep me on track. Though I have these two apps to help me along, I also decided to use a fitness journal to keep up on my emotions and other habits. I'll have to participate in some fitness challenges or make up some of my own.
Speaking of challenges, I found some nice 30 day challenges I want to try, also I think I will make my own challenges to keep things interesting. I want to combine photo, writing and music challenges together to keep me from getting bored. I don't understand why I become bored so easily. There is plenty to do and yet, I am bored.
I need to get my ass in gear... work out, find a job, and get my shit together. I've been so unmotivated, lazy, and bored.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
30 Facts Or Something
Random photo, just because. |
This was a tagging game on Facebook back in the day. You were tagged and had to write 30 facts or whatever about yourself. Then tag other people. Wooo, fun right? I posted mine November 16, 2010. I won't put the link to the original here but IF you are friends with me on Facebook I'm sure you can easily find it in my notes. I'm really tired and did not feel well today, but wanted to post something. I saw this on Facebook and laughed at myself. So why not share it here with a bit of an update.
1. I'm addicted to caffeine
2. I love toys from vending machines
3. I have 3 younger sisters- Cristy, Jessica, and Melanie
4. I've been told the first impression I give is a stuck up bitch
5. I've also been told that once someone gets to know me, I too damn nice
6. I would live in an off the grid compound and disappear from the world if I could.
7. I love black & white nude photography
8. I love porn
9. I'm a geek ... yup
10. I don't do drugs, but am 420 friendly and drink when I'm with friends. I don't consider marijuana a drug.
11. I have 3 kids ages 19, 16, and 14.
12. I love everything Harry Potter
13. I'm loud and obnoxious. Get used to it
14. I want to move but, I'm scared. Also I love it here, and keep finding reasons not to leave.
15. I'm overly emotional. I cry about everything :(
16. I'm horrible when it comes to math
17. I want to go to a nudist camp for a day or weekend.
18. I'm afraid of clowns and heavily crowded places
19. I have Anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder. It sucks
20. I am a cutter- No not one of those fake ass emo attention whores. I haven't done it in a while and no longer have the urge to do so. Only time will tell if I've beat it. --- Since the original post I have cut once. I guess I didn't win the battle.
21. I have NEVER smoked cigarettes and once considered it a deal breaker for relationships. I like the smell of it on some people though. Weird, right?
22. I used to be afraid of the dark. --- Not anymore :D
23. I have 3 nieces and 1 nephew I have never met.
24. I hate sleeping alone. --- I don't mind it now, though I prefer to snuggle up to someone
25. I hate driving.. it gives me anxiety attacks..
26. I dislike weddings and baby showers.
27. I think men in uniform, work attire, and cowboy attire are damn sexy.
Sagging jeans in not cute STOP IT!
28. Though I don't drive, I'm definitely a CHEVY girl.
29. I prefer husky men over skinny or fit guys.
30. I'm a procrastinator
Most did not change or changed a little bit. Geez, I can't believe I once said I had an asian fetish. What a dork I am.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Lesson Learned, I Hope
Last week I decided that I would detox for a few days because I was feeling sluggish and "off". Well I started yesterday with my usual senna tea and cabbage soup. Also yesterday I went over board on the tea and now today I feel sick. The box says two cups the first day and one for the next few days or more. Well I went all out and put two tea bags in my carafe and drank it all by noon. So of course I make another carafe with two bags and finish it before bed. Well let me tell you that the tea was seriously working by 5:00. I was in the bathroom every 15 minutes and I kept drinking the tea. This morning I only made on carafe with two tea bags and that's it. My GI Tract feels empty and dry. I don't think that is a good sign. I am still taking trips to the toilet every 30 minutes or so. I think I learned my lesson. I feel like crap (pun intended). I did have tacos for dinner tonight, we'll see how my body likes that. I think a nice bubble bath and an early bed time is in order tonight.
I usually do this detox about once a month except I don't drink two carafes of strong tea in one day. I clearly wasn't thinking when I started yesterday. All I was thinking about was I have my daughters high school graduation coming up, a wedding where I have to be ladylike and fancy, and well it's summer. I promised myself I would have healthier eating habits and lifestyle by summer. I feel like I failed, though I am eating better and trying to learn new ways to better myself inside and out. I think I am doing better but feel like crap because I am not where I thought I would be at this time. Set backs suck and I started procrastinating, then I get hurt. Excuses, excuses is what I am saying to myself right now. I AM a procrastinator and I can get lazy. I've said it before, sometimes I need someone to crack the whip and say "get your ass in gear" before I really get going. It's funny how I am willing to bust ass for others, but when it comes to doing things for myself, I have no motivation and I drag ass on it. LAME! I am fully aware of this problem I have. I am trying to figure out what I need to do to keep myself motivated for myself. Does that make sense to you? I guess I'm just stuck in a rut. No, that's just another excuse. ggrrrr I need to stop that.
So this is me getting my ass in gear and doing what I said I would do. I'm logging off and taking my ass upstairs to bathe in bubbles, then go to bed. Maybe some relaxing yoga before bed... oohh and some self love. uhh self love, wheres a man when you need one?
Good Night!
P.S. One cup of tea Lisa.... ONE CUP!
Spring Mayhem and Fan Girls
Chillin' and watching the show. |
Last weekend I went to CSU East Bay for their Spring Mayhem. My friend Becca invited me to go because T Mills was performing. Now, I am not a huge fan of T Mills, but I do like some of his music. He seemed really tall, then again I am only 5'2". It was cute to see him interact with his fans, especially the older ladies. He was polite and remembered a lot of his regular concert goers. he seemed humble and sweet. I'm not one to follow musicians from concert to concert. I'm not a groupie, but there were a lot of ladies there who had been following him to all the local events. I think that's crazy. Why would you want to follow a musician around and take pictures with them at each event? I enjoy good music and love going to festivals and concerts, I also like to meet and talk to the artists, but I just don't get the whole fan girling with the running, screaming, and fighting over a person of celebrity status. Everyone stands in line and gets to say hi and take a pic, WHY do you have to be first? WHY do you have to tell everyone how many times you have seen the artist in concert or "met" them as if it makes you better and higher in the fan girl food chain? WHY do you have to push, shove, hit, and kick to get as close as possible, is this person going to heal you with their special musical powers? I am a huge fan of some musicians and would love to have the opportunity to meet them, but I would never chase them or fight for their attention. They are just people who happen to have a great talent. It's nice taking pictures with people you admire, but I would rather be able to have a conversation with them. Not a "HI remember me, I go to allll your shows, omg I love you, can I have your baby?" Okay, not ALL fan girls are that bad, but most are. It's gross. This show wasn't even that bad, just a few crazy fan girls. The fangirling is part of the reason I don't like being in front at huge concerts.
At Spring Mayhem there were a few local bands (as in, California bands), and that's where I get excited. I love to support unsigned artists far more than celebrities. Though T Mills gave a great performance, and I truly enjoyed his show. I enjoyed the unsigned bands much more. I also prefer the intimate performance settings to huge concert crowds. The bands were great and the crowd loved them, well except for one. There was another rapper, can't remember his name, that I felt the T Mills fan girls didn't give him enough respect. He did well and was busting his ass on stage. The girls didn't care because he wasn't T Mills. Much respect to that guy and I hope he gets where he wants to go in life. The other bands included The Cires (pronounced like Cyrus), The Big Bang, Los Rakas, Lungs and Limbs, Radical Something, DLRN, Eric Billinger, and one or two more that I can't recall the names. All were fan-freakin-tastic and I would see them all again, if I can. I have nothing but love and respect for all the performers of Spring Mayhem. Over all I had a great time. I love live music and enjoy people watching. So it was a win/win for me. YAY! Let me share some photos with you.
Note: photos not in order.
They're already waiting front and center. |
The Big Bang Band |
DLRN |
Students entertaining crowd between performers |
T Mills of course |
The crowd enjoying T Mills performance |
Radical Something rockin' the stage |
The Cires (cyrus) |
Los Rakas from Oakland CA :) |
Lungs and Limbs |
After show sunburn, oopsy |
As I am writing this entry, I start to think about any possible celebrities I would fan girl over and love to meet. While I think about it I realize I am such a geek. Most people I would gush over are in some way nerdy or super smart. Well I'm not 100 % sure about a few. So lets list these people I would fan girl over, maybe... Note: not just musicians in the list
Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit (He's my Rock Star crush)
Scarlet Johansson
Nikola Tesla
Wil Wheaton
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Mark Twain
Elvis
Jennifer Lawrence (she loves food)
Robert Downey Jr.
Monday, May 19, 2014
A Little Fun
Something random and fun for you to read. I had this either on my old Myspace account or in my Facebook notes. Well anyway, here is a little questionnaire. Yeah, remember those? Haha Enjoy!
THREE.
FIFTEEN.
ONE.
Spell your name
without vowels: LS (aww I have no name now)
TWO.
What is the date 2
days after your birthday?: July 3
How many pairs of
jeans do you own: 4
FOUR.
What color(s) do you
wear most?: Blue & Black
FIVE.
Least favorite color?: Mustard (yes that is a color)
SIX.
Last song u heard?: Breaking Your Own Heart by Kelly Clarkson
SEVEN.
What's for dinner
tonite?: Cabbage soup & Senna tea
EIGHT.
Are you happy with
your life right now?: I'm happy enough
NINE.
Anyone ever said you
resemble a celebrity: Yes, Pink.. though I disagree
TEN.
In what state or
country do you want to go to school in?: California, Though it would be cool to go to college over seas.
ELEVEN.
Do you shop at stores
like hollister, abercrombie and fitch and aeropostel: HELL NO!
TWELVE.
How do you make money?: According to certain people I am a prostituting drug dealer. How I make money is no ones business, nor is it any of my business how you make yours.
THIRTEEN.
Last thing you bought
over 50 dollars?: Video games for my kids
FOURTEEN.
When do you start
Summer Break? UGH My kids get out in 2 1/2 weeks. It's not a break for me.
Are you missing
someone right now?: Always ;)
SIXTEEN.
One word to describe
you: Tenacious
SEVENTEEN.
Favorite pair of
shoes: None
EIGHTEEN.
Do you own big
sunglasses?: No, well i don't think they are big :/
NINETEEN.
What would you rather
be doing right now?: Masturbating
TWENTY.
What should you be
doing right now?: Writing a real blog entry on my opinions on intimate relationships
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Something, Something, blah blah blah.
I don't have anything important to say in this entry, but I should post something. So I'll give you an update.
I am going to see my eldest child graduate from high school soon. I am excited, scared, and most likely going to have a panic attack at least once on the trip. I think I will meditate about this.
I got a new phone FINALLY! I am one to use something till it falls apart. Yes, I'm one of THOSE people who is always behind in technology. I don't care! I had my Droid X for over three years. I loved that phone. Okay, that's horrible, we shouldn't love our phones. Oh well... I purchased the Moto X, yes I know it's not one of the new fan-dangled Samsung S blah blah blah and I don't care. Yes the S blah blah blahs look cool, but I really wanted to Moto X. Plus, my hands are way too small for the newer phones. After the Moto X I'll have to by the mini phones. Ever since the Moto X came out, I wanted it. I'm just cheap and refused to pay $550 for a phone, and I just said, I like to use things till they fall apart. I went to a few stores and looked online before I found a store that actually carried it. I wanted the white one but there were no more left. I was sad but excited to get the phone I have been wanting for a while. I guess you can say I am a very happy girl. R.I.P. Droid X, I'll miss you, and HELLO Moto X, yes please and thank you.
Monday, I went to the Golf Course. I'm still injured, so no I did not golf. I did watch and cheer on my friend while they golfed. I also used this time to test out my phones camera. It takes some nice photos. I'm still trying to figure out the Moto X. Give me another week.
Speaking of injury, my ankle is looking better. I can walk on it better at times and sometimes it kills. YES I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO STAY OFF IT! The swellings is almost gone but it feels as if my ankle is out of socket or there is something stuck between the bone and tendons. It just feels weird.
I am going to see my eldest child graduate from high school soon. I am excited, scared, and most likely going to have a panic attack at least once on the trip. I think I will meditate about this.
I got a new phone FINALLY! I am one to use something till it falls apart. Yes, I'm one of THOSE people who is always behind in technology. I don't care! I had my Droid X for over three years. I loved that phone. Okay, that's horrible, we shouldn't love our phones. Oh well... I purchased the Moto X, yes I know it's not one of the new fan-dangled Samsung S blah blah blah and I don't care. Yes the S blah blah blahs look cool, but I really wanted to Moto X. Plus, my hands are way too small for the newer phones. After the Moto X I'll have to by the mini phones. Ever since the Moto X came out, I wanted it. I'm just cheap and refused to pay $550 for a phone, and I just said, I like to use things till they fall apart. I went to a few stores and looked online before I found a store that actually carried it. I wanted the white one but there were no more left. I was sad but excited to get the phone I have been wanting for a while. I guess you can say I am a very happy girl. R.I.P. Droid X, I'll miss you, and HELLO Moto X, yes please and thank you.
First Selfie with the new phone |
This cat is a biter |
Monday, I went to the Golf Course. I'm still injured, so no I did not golf. I did watch and cheer on my friend while they golfed. I also used this time to test out my phones camera. It takes some nice photos. I'm still trying to figure out the Moto X. Give me another week.
Not bad phone, not bad at all. |
Ooohh pretty, well I think so anyway |
Speaking of injury, my ankle is looking better. I can walk on it better at times and sometimes it kills. YES I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO STAY OFF IT! The swellings is almost gone but it feels as if my ankle is out of socket or there is something stuck between the bone and tendons. It just feels weird.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
A Nice Hike at Mount Diablo
April 12, 2014
JW and I went for a little hike at Mount Diablo. It was my first time hiking there. Here are a few photos to share.
Sometimes, there is beauty in devastation. |
Can I live out here in the middle of the mountains? |
Another reason I want to live here in isolation |
I was too afraid to climb up this rock. |
Such a beautiful sight to behold. |
One of the many carving from Rock City |
This is for the Morgan Fire Recovery Study camera stands (02) |
Another view from the Recovery Study camera stands. :) (03) |
If you don't know about this study, you can check it out here: Nerds For Nature
If you would like to see the rest of the photos I took on our hiking adventure, you can see them in my G+ Photos album: Mount Diablo Hike 2014-04-12
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