The Single Life: Dating, Intimacy, and Sex or lack there of.

This beautiful art is by People Everyday At Deviant Art

I've been wanting to blog about my serious issue.  Okay, it's really not that serious, just to me it is.

I have been technically single for 3 years now.  I have dated, most did not make it past dates 1-3.  Sad, I know.  It's not that I am picky or anything.  I just know what I am looking for.  Now this isn't what I really want to write about, but it is connected.

My issue is intimacy and sex.  I can't tell you how jealous I am of everyone who is getting some right now. I can't remember the last time I was intimate with someone or even when I had sex last.  Masturbation does not count in my book.  I miss it, all of it.  The holding of hands, the hugs and kisses, and amazing sex.  Yes, I know I can easily call up one of my many guy friends and ask for a sexual favor.  Most would be at my door within minutes, but I don't want that.  For the first time in 3 years I actually want a relationship.  I want to have that one person I can go to for anything.  But no, I am sitting here in front of my laptop writing about it instead.

In the last year I had finally become comfortable with being single and being alone.  Masturbation had become a daily (sometimes up to 3x a day) routine.  I would go on dates here and there, but had no interest in becoming more.  So I quit going on dates.  I don't want to waste anyones time.  Nor do I want to lead anyone on giving them false hope that we may one day be together.  My biggest problem with dating was some men were in such a hurry to be in a relationship just so they could have sex.  I would say "I'm not ready for a relationship" their response " oh, okay well when you're ready let me know". DUDE! I just fucking met you, and you already annoy me.  Then there are the guys who are totally fine with me not being ready and have the nerve to say " well we could just hang out and have sex occasionally." Uhm how about NO!   YES, I'm just as sexually frustration as you are, but I will not settle for your sorry ass.  Okay, that was a bit mean, but I had so say it a few times.

I also don't like that masturbation has taken up a considerable amount of time in my day.  I can't tell you how much porn I've watched in the last few weeks alone.  My Tumblr follows are mostly some kind of porn or nudity.  Yes, I know I am a pervert.  Even Masturbation gets boring after a while, and porn, well it makes me more sexually frustrated than anything.  Like I said I could call a friend for help, but I don't want a friend with benefits, a booty call, or a fuck buddy.  I tried the friends with benefits.  It didn't work out.

Why the change of heart?  I have no idea really.  I've been thinking about it a lot and, if I know what I'm looking for in a significant other,  I have no problem starting a committed relationship with the person who best fits what I am looking for.  Right?  As I write this up and re-read it, I feel like I'm whining. Maybe I am.  My biggest worry is I will settle. I don't want to do that.  I will not settle.

P.S. I have a crush on someone I can't have.  This bring the frustration to a whole new level.  I say crush because I don't know him well enough to say it's more than that.  I also prayed for the first time in a long time last night.  Weird, right?

Something I can't seem to get over.

Day 21 of the blog challenge.

Not being able to cuddle I think is something hard to get over. It's been a while and though I have some great friends they can't do that. It's weird and my friends get the wrong idea. My days are fine, usually. It's when night falls and I want to watch a movie or just relax and have that intimate moment. It would be better with a person rather than my Dinos or Cow (No offense to my cuddle buddies).

Kiss kiss

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 9: Your last Kiss
My last kiss, well that was with Ryan and that is all I'm going to say. I'm not going into details or anything so you'll just have to deal with it.

Here are some random facts about kissing:
1. The science of kissing is called Philematology.
2. Lips are far more sensitive than the genitals.
3. French kissing uses all 34 muscles in the face.
4. Passionate kissing burns 6.4 calories per minute.
5. It is possible for women to reach orgasm through kissing.
These fun facts are brought to you by randomhistory.com

I don't know about you but, I love kissing. To be honest I AM one of the women that can have an orgasm from kissing. IF the person I am kissing knows what they are doing obviously. We all hate bad kissers and we all have our preferences on how to kiss. Is bad kissing a deal breaker? Have you dumped or decided not to date someone because they can't kiss? I have, cause I'm mean like that.Okay okay, It was only once and in high school. I forgot his name. I just won't kiss the person or try to get out of it as fast as I can. I'm sorry but it's a total turn off if you suck at kissing. Something I have noticed in the last few years is that people don't kiss as much anymore. What are you afraid of? That you suck??? Cause you probably do. So get some practice... Go out and kiss someone!

What is your favorite way to kiss?

Two girls kissing and some boobs in the background YAY!

Lent: Day 12 Why I gave up Cursing & Sex

photo from www.skateandannoy.com

 Why did I gave up cursing & sex? Well it was a way to help cleanse my spirit, my emotions, and my heart. I am angry too much and curse too much, sometimes. I use cursing and sex like I use soda, as a release. I guess they are not that bad because I could be an alcoholic, or drug addict. I have another addiction, but that is another blog topic on it's own. I knew I may slip up a few times with these two but I wasn't expecting to get it perfect.

 I don't know how I got started cursing again. I didn't curse at all when the kids were little. It must have been the people I was friends with after the kids father and I split. Darn bad influences. I know I drop the F-bomb a lot and sh!t too. Now, I am the bad influence with my kids. My son is starting to curse at the TV when he plays games. Then when I tell him to watch his mouth; he says I freak out about the stupid words. GREAT! So maybe I can become a better influence and show my kids there are other colorful words to use. I just need to find some.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/froodmat/1213122428/

SEX! I'm such a man when it comes to sex. They say men have sex on the brain every 15 seconds. Hhmmm I think they were talking about me too. I love porn, sex, and masturbation, but I guess that's a no no for ladies. Yeah well I never said I was a lady. I used to masturbate on a regular basis. It helps me sleep, gets rid of my cramps and headaches. I have always been open about sex and relationships. I'm not afraid to discuss anything sexual, even if it's a topic I don't like. I won't go into detail here, maybe a mini blog series about my opinions and/or stories on sex in the near future? Yeah I can go on & on.
 I gave up sex because at the moment I really don't need it. I'm not in a serious relationship, so why would I have sex. I also gave up porn and masturbation. I can honestly say it was easier than I thought, but there have been a few times I couldn't shake the thought. I did slip up the first week of Lent, but I was also having some killer cramps. Oh well. I have been using exercising as an alternative. If I think about sex or get the urge, I exercise. It's working so far, though I think sexercise is much better. I do miss sex and porn. I know it's good for you- lose weight- better sleep & skin. It used to be that sex was just that sex, and fun. Now I need more than just sex. I need intimacy, but most people don't know what that is. Someday I will find someone worth being intimate with, until then I'll exercise. Damn that sounds boring. My life is going to suck.