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| 11.06.2017 |
Today I thought deeply about how I am feeling. I thought about what brought me to this point. There is no straight answer. There never is. I don't know what started my journey down this road; I do know that ignoring my thoughts and feelings is how I'm here now. I was working more than I should and just coming home to sleep and eat. My days off would be running errands and doing chores. I quit going out to watch sports because I didn't want to drink anymore. I stayed home and watched Netflix and Youtube with the kids. Of course, I would snack the whole time I was watching shows. I always had beef jerky, Cheetos, and soda. We were ordering fast food or dining out while running errands because I was "too tired" to cook. I take full responsibility for what I've allowed to happen. I ignored my mental health, I treated my body horribly, and I pushed myself to the edge of exhaustion. There were signs and I even blogged about it earlier this year. Yet I just let this monster grow within me. I made a choice and now I have to fight to get back to a better mindset.
I am in constant pain, physically and mentally. My joints are hurting, I'm overweight (167.6 pounds), I have headaches throughout the day. I'm starting to get brain fog and becoming clumsy. My blood work from my last doctors visit looks like my health may be declining. I feel disgusted, defeated, and just plain DONE! I wish I could crawl into bed and sleep for days, but I can barely sleep more than 2 hours at a time. I know I need to figure out how to get out of this rut. I know this isn't long term. I'm working on it, little by little. Day by day.
That's all I can do for now. Take it one day at a time.
"There are two ways to be Happy: Change the situation, or change your mindset towards it"
-Unknown
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