I am thankful for...

My children_ My reason for living. I don't know what I will do when they are all grown up and move away.

My parents _ I wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for them.

My home_ Though there are some bad days living in the projects. I can't complain. I don't live with my parents or other family member. I don't have to worry about rules or people I don't know coming through. This is MY HOME, it's my way or GTFO!

The experiences I’ve had_ I have been through some amazing experiences, but I have also dealt with some horrible ones as well. They all made me who I am today. STRONGER

Music & Art_ Both have helped me through many hard times and celebrated with me in good times. I can’t live without it.

Sex & Porn_ Yes please & Thank you :) Sadly it's more like Porn & self love, but it's better than nothing at all.

My friends_ who bravely stay with me even though they thought “damn, that chick is a stuck up bitch” when they first met me, then “damn she’s hella cool, super honest, doesn’t give a fuck, … holy shit this bitch is crazy” as we got to know each other.. then ” why the fuck am I friends with her… oh that’s right cause this bitch is crazy” :) THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME ALL THESE YEARS!

Thank you

Sway

I want to learn this song.

Survey says...1

[Finish The Sentence]

If I could choose another name for myself, it would be ...
When I was a kid I wanted to be Samantha, but I gave it to my kid, so I choose Starrla Anne (Starr for short)

On my birthday, I like to ...
I don't know, I've only celebrated my birthday twice really.

My closet is ...
A mess, will be working on this weekend

The last place you'd ever find me is ...
At  a Circus - Clowns are scary

If I had $100 right now, I would ...
Pay bills

After I shower, I always ...
Dry my hair first

My dog always ...
used to bite my sister

When watching a movie, I prefer to snack on ...
whatever is available... hehe

This summer, I plan on ...
Trying something new A LOT!

If someone could read my mind right now, they'd probably hear ...
"Wow, I really need to stop thinking pervy thoughts for every question."

The last letter of my surname is ...
Z

My musical tastes are ...
ecletic. Varied as can be.

I'm always taking pictures of ...
random things.

When I look to my left, I see ...
A Messy closet

I can't wait until ...
it's May Friday the 13th... dun dun dun

The next concert I'm going to is ...
I have no idea

Right now, I'm listening to ...
Don't hold me down by Colbie Caillat

I would love it if ...
I could get out of this rut I am in

The colour of the shirt I'm wearing is ...
Yellow

I have never ...
met you, yet.

The last text message I received was from ...
RyC

I'm not pleased with ...
Myself

My latest addiction is ...
Keni Styles

I only kinda like ...
My life right now

My parents ...
are still married. Can you say that about yours?

If I won an all-expenses-paid trip somewhere, I'd choose to go to ...
Hawaii, New York, Texas, Michigan... one of those

I want to have a deep conversation with ...
My teenage self or myself 2 days before my death

The last thing I ate for dinner was ...
Chili

I'd love to be interviewed by ...
Keni Styles (blogger/porn star), Cakalusa (blogger), Dante Basco (actor), or My teenage self.

Coming Up... B2B

Bay to Breakers a.k.a B2B is almost here. I am excited and super nervous at the same time. This will be my first race, but I'm only walking/jogging it. I am staying in San Francisco the whole weekend. My friend is hosting. What a nice guy. I am supposed to get a cool shirt to wear for Bay to Breakers from Kreations of Total Kontrol. I'll let you know which one as soon as I know. I asked for the Bridge tee, but I said I will take whatever they have available. I really want the SHHHH Tee as well. Their S.W.A.G tee (Something We Asians Got) is pretty awesome too. I can't wear that one though, I'm not Asian. Though I was asked once if I was Filipino because I was wearing a Filipino Tee. The person who asked was Filipino. Look at my Profile pic and tell me, do I look Filipino to you? It made me smile, but at the same time I was thinking *Please stop smoking weed it makes you look stupid*. I love Filipino culture, well any Asian culture (I have an Asian Fetish/obsession). Well I'll leave the rest of the Asian stuff for another blog.

I have been doing a walk/jog interval set everyday for a month. 3 minutes walk/2 minutes jog. I am about to step up my game for the next 2 weeks. I will try to jog as much as i can by flipping the times and also adding some kind of squat exercises to my walks. I am also drinking as much water as I can, but I need to cut out the junk food. Boy do I love cookies and candy. Every time I go to the store I buy a candy bar or cookies for the walk home. A little counter productive, don't you think? I gave up meat, soda, dining out and sex for Lent which helped a little. I would love any ideas on how to train for these types of races/marathons.

*copied from my other blog because I'm lazy*

Holy Cow...err pig?

  So I had chili and cherry soda the other day and I got sick. I am still not feeling better. Why you may ask. Well 1. I ate beef and had soda. 2. I feel guilty. I really think skipping on beef and soda is the right choice, because even a rare occasion of indulging may make me ill. I do need to drink more water and milk. So Lent was a success to an extent. This year I only lost 5 pounds, but thats okay. I can't wait to eat pork, but I am afraid it will have the same effect on me as did the beef. We will wait and see. mmmm BLT.  I have been craving one for weeks. WEEKS PEOPLE!

  I also need to step up my game on fitness. I have been slacking off and doing workouts only half way. I need a coach. or someone to tell me to get of Facebook and get my ass moving.


oink oink

EASTER is here.

I'm not the Easter Bunny!

I wonder what this super cute kitty-bunny was looking at. He looks really scared or shocked. Maybe he/she saw the real Easter Bunny.

Happy Easter Everyone! I hope you have an amazing day. 

Photo courtesy of: Mosippy on Flickr

Good Friday. What's so good about THIS Friday?

Isn't every Friday a good Friday? It's the weekend... DUH!

So wrong.

Yeah yeah I know. All my religious friends almost died of a heart attack just now. No meat this Friday. Oh wait, you're not supposed to have meat on any Friday. Yep that's right. Most of you didn't know that, huh? Or do you just ignore it because you really need that In & Out burger done animal style? Wow that sounded sexual. *HIGH 5* .

If you eat meat on any Friday you are to abstain from some other sinful, joyful, dirty, little treat you enjoy. So the question for me would have been Meat or sex? hhmm.. If I had to choose I will pick MEAT to abstain from. I can't give up sex. Well I can and did, but.. never mind. Moving on. I'm not having meat on Good Friday because I gave it up for Lent. I think I'll just have some cereal and cheese its. Not together of course. Milk and cheese its sound weird. Maybe I'll try it... I said maybe.
Well I hope it's an awesome weekend for everyone. Even if you do not celebrate the holiday.

What next?

  Lent is almost over, but i have given up some of my loves and thats okay.  What to write about after?  Oh yeah... I have a list of blog ideas by Chris Brogan and I have some books I want to discuss. I also have a couple secret projects I have been planning. I got some awesome ideas from websites I recently found. Plus talking to random people online about different topics has helped fuel some blog ideas.

  The kids are on Spring Break. It will be a boring break. I didn't plan anything and good thing because I got sick. YAY! No not really. My throat is killing me and I cough from time to time. I can't drink enough water to keep my throat moist and itch free. I slept most of today and I still feel tired. No body aches or fever though. I hope it goes away soon.

Good Night... eerr Morning to some of you.

Lent Day 39? Confused & an Update

Confused am I. How am I on day 39? Easter is still a week away. Yet I checked my calender and counted the days 3 times. I guess this year is longer. I don't know. A part of me is excited about ending Lent, but at the same time it doesn't really matter. I told myself I am giving up beef and soda for good and I know that is what I will miss the most.


Update: Complete Randomness

I am doing okay with the exercising and walking. I need to step up my game and get more serious about it. I need to work on my non-consumerism better. I think i want to cut my hair. I want to find somewhere new to live. I also want to plan trips to the city now that it's getting warmer. I really need to start doing things on my own. I can't wait for other to be ready to go, I have to just do it alone. I keep telling myself I can't be afraid. I keep telling myself it will get easier and soon I won't notice how alone I really am. Why is it we can be in a crowd or with friends and people who care about us, yet we still feel alone. The thing is, I just can't get myself to go past friendship. I'm not ready and I don't think I will be for a long time. I feel like I'm being childish. It's like if I can't have the one I want, then I don't want anyone. It's all or nothing. It's selfish, stupid and unfair to others. But life's not fair.

Single.

Being single doesn't necessarily mean available, sometimes, it's another way of saying "I don't wanna be disturbed!" -Anon


I would love to know who said this. 

www.flickr.com/photos/mcanbalaban/2105389183

sin·gle 

adj.

1. Not accompanied by another or others; solitary.

2.

a. Consisting of one part, aspect, or section: a single thickness; a single serving.

b. Having the same application for all; uniform: a single moral code for all.

c. Consisting of one in number: She had but a single thought, which was to escape.

3. Not divided; unbroken: a single slab of ice.

4.

a. Separate from others; individual and distinct: Every single child will receive a gift.

b. Having individual opponents; involving two individuals only: single combat.

5.

a. Honest; undisguised: a single adoration.

b. Wholly attentive: You must judge the contest with a single eye.

6. Designed to accommodate one person: a single bed.

7.

a. Unmarried.

b. Lacking a partner: a single parent.

c. Relating to the unmarried state: enjoys the single life.

d. Of or relating to celibacy.

Where do I fit in this definition of single? i am solitary for the most part, unmarried (more like never married), Lacking a partner, but not enjoying this single life or the celibacy. Yet that is where i am. I am becoming more and more comfortable with being single, solo, solitary, celibate, alone. Slowly i am embracing the quiet, no longer missing the words of affection. There are no more Hi babe how was your day or week? I miss you and I love you are lost in once upon a time. Listening to love songs no longer stings my heart. 


There are times where loneliness sets in or I wake up in the night only to have no one to hold me. I have found ways to fight back at those feelings. I have a stuffed cow I sleep with and if i start to feel lonely I play inspirational music.  I have a special playlist for that lonely feeling.  Maybe I'll share it one day. I do have a song I have been listening to more and more lately, it is a lovely song about loving yourself and being alone, but not really alone. It called Melody by Kate Earl.  There is also a poem I read in the blog Think Big Project. The poem was a great message about loving yourself. They are my new inspiration to keep going and be happy with myself, to love myself. I will share them with you. 

Love After Love

By Derek Walcott

The time will come when, with elation

you will greet yourself arriving at your own door,

in your own mirror and each will smile at the other's welcome,  

and say, sit here.  

Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life.

My Body Image

Awesome quote

  Most women do not like being naked in front of others. Some won't even get completely naked in front of their significant others. Now I am no expert at all this being naked business, who is really?  I just think being naked shouldn't be an issue. Yet here I am insecure about my own body image. Though it is not what other see that I am afraid of; it is what I see or think I see when I look at myself. Many women have distorted views of their bodies. I know I had asked Ryan on many occasions while out if I looked like certain women. I thought these women were close to what I see when I look in the mirror. Ryan would always say no and I think a few times he thought I may be crazier than usual. I would love to have a tummy tuck someday. Mostly for comfort reasons rather than vanity. I have a difficult time finding clothes that fit well because after having 3 kids my belly isn't what it used to be. It also has to do with the fact I drank soda a lot and didn't take care of my body. So it is my own fault.

  Don't get me wrong, I do love being naked. I hang out at home naked all the time, maybe a little too much. Yet I am insecure about others seeing me naked. Weird, right? I am working on my body image in more ways than one. I am trying to get healthier inside and out. I am trying to see myself in new ways, testing myself and pushing my limits. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to be happy with what I have and who I am. It's all a work in progress.

Me July 2010 :(

This is me last Summer. I love this dress and it no longer fits. So I know I gained some weight since then. the sad thing is I was fat/ chubby last Summer. I tried to lose weight over the last few years and I could never lose any. I know I need a change in my diet and start working out more. This lent I have not lost any weight. I think my body is on starve mode and saving that fat just in case. I know my body will figure it out sooner or later that I am not starving.

I know I am a pear shape because all my weight is in my belly, hips, thighs & ass {HUSH VIRGINIA}.

I want to post pictures on here but I am a little worried about them becoming more than my before and after pictures. I know it would be a great motivation to keep me going. I've seen what people do to pictures online. I'll have to think about it

Lent: Day 36

  I figured out what day of Lent I was on. Depending on which day you start on your Lent can be 40 days or 42 days long. I have actually chosen the 42 day path. I'm not 100% sure what the difference is for starting Lent on Monday (Eastern Catholicism) or Ash Wednesday (Western Catholicism).  All I know is one is Western and the other Eastern. Maybe I should research it since I practice Lent. I have done pretty well this year especially with giving up so much. I did cheat a few times, and Ryan and I had a deal where if we cheated we had to add a week for each cheat. I will not be doing that this year because some of the things I have given up for Lent with be permanent or reduced.

  I will be giving up beef & soda permanently. I will be reducing my pork (once a week) and poultry (twice a week) intake. I will also reduce my cussing. Sex is easy to reduce because I am not in a relationship (so no need for sex) and I deleted all porn off my computer. I'm keeping the masturbation because it's good for me and it helps me sleep. Dining out will be for special occasions only (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.).  Social Networking- though I did not give it up completely, I have reduced my time. I try to log in at certain times of the day instead of leaving it on all day. I will reduce it to 2 log ins a day, 30 minutes long. So an hour a day to stalk you should be good.

good morning

I woke up at 6 then fell back asleep. 8 am and went out for a walk/jog. I think i'll go back to sleep. Nah I'm kidding. I had a good nights sleep even though I dreamed about weird stuff again. Maybe its time to keep a dream journal.

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Lent: I'm lost

Sometime today i need to open my Google Calendar and back track. I am so lost right now. I don't really know what day of Lent I am in. I have been doing very well with Lent. I did have a cheat moment i think. I tried some Jerky and I am not sure what kind of meat it was, I think pork, it was weird and I didn't like it. So maybe thats a good thing.

I have to be honest. I have been really depressed lately. It's why I haven't been posting or on Facebook a lot. I just don't have the energy. I workout and I take care of my kids. Thats it. I have been sleeping a lot (when the kids are in school) and when I am wake I try to find work. I don't know what is going on with me. I have no desire to be social, or leave my house if I don't need to. I try to go for my walks when my neighbors are not outside smoking, so they won't stop me so we can talk. I don't want to deal with any drama or stress right now. Please don't tell me I need to talk to someone or go to the Dr. It won't happen. If I need to vent or talk, I'll come here.

I just want to give up. Key word there is want, but I'm not going to. I'll work my way out of this depression. I've done it before and I know I can do it again.

Thinking about it

Thinking about life, where I have(n't) been, where I am now & where I want to be.
That's what I am doing while having a late dinner. No workout today; I was having some serious lady issues.

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Issues.

I have been having issues with my computer and decided to clean it out. I went through every file piece by piece. I am almost done.  It is much faster now and I removed so much stuff that i downloaded but did not need. Plus i have been having issues with my blog, which is why i have not posted. Hopefully I will be back tomorrow with a better update. For now enjoy the Easter Bunny pictures...

ooohh sexy... 

http://www.crazyegg.net/miscellaneous/16-amazing-easter-illustrations/

You are welcome!

Lent: Day 26? Saturday

It was a semi lazy day. My son David and I went shopping for shoes. It took 5 stores to find shoes for that kid. He's not really picky, but he was worried about how much I would spend. Awww so nice of him.  While we shopped Samantha went to see HOP with her aunt Denise and uncle Burt. Samantha said it was a cute movie. They took Samantha shopping after for a new helmet and a football pump. She won a football at school Friday, but it was deflated. I didn't know you could get them that way. As soon as Samantha got home, she ran into the dining room and started pumping up her football. She was so excited. I can't help but think how awesome it is to have a daughter who loves football.

I got the laundry ready to wash and had 2 tuna sandwiches. I didn't think sorting laundry made me so hungry. I'll get up and wash in the morning. Good thing the wash room doesn't open till 10:00. I get to sleep in. YAY!



Lent is going well. It is very hard to not curse. It is also hard to not think about sex. I have been tempted to masturbate again, but have not. I think maybe because I am close to starting my menstrual cycle again. I am craving sweets and spicy food. I am also getting heavy into the fitness thing. I have been walking/ jogging everyday and I think I want to extend it. I am only doing 30 minutes, but I think I want to go one hour. and up my jogging. we'll see.

Just wanted to share this. 

Have a good night... 

oh and....

Lent Days 22-24

I took some time off from over stimulation. I did get online to check emails, and read news. Some how yesterday I got stuck watching literal music videos after reading a music news blog about them. I think I watched all of them. There was some that were super awful, but it didn't really matter I still laughed. Here is a link to a literal Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Lent is going pretty well. After my psychotic masturbation frenzy I was fine. So it seems I can only go a couple of weeks before I need to release the sexual pressure. I wonder if guys go through that? I have been drinking a lot of tea and i think I need to switch to decaf because I am having a serious time getting to sleep. My time and days are way off.  I think this weekend I will only drink water and hot green tea. I need to give my body a break. I started the Body Rock exercises and have been doing a walk/jog intervals for 30 minutes everyday. That Body rock program is no joke. i was hurting after four minutes and then after that Samantha wanted me to workout with her using my Kathy Smith DVD. I bought it at Big Lots for $2.00, but Walmart is selling it for around $6.00. I cannot keep up with Kathy Smiths 80's workout. Samantha loves it and can keep up. I can get about half way through one of her workouts then I have to take a break. I remember when I could do 2 or more of the Richard Simmons Sweatin' to the Oldies. Oh, now I want that, can you still buy the set? Kathy Smith's video is pretty good. It has 3 different workouts on one DVD. It was worth the $2.00.

Okay well I'm off to bed. Good Night!

Lent day 21 It's Personal

It's early Tuesday morning. I should be asleep. Monday went well. I did too much exercise and I think I drank way to much tea. I feel wired. It was a good day though.

I am taking a personal day today, Tuesday. I'll be back Wednesday.

xoxo

Lent: Day 20 I hate Mac N Cheese, but I ate it.

Bleh

  I really do hate it. My kids used to love Mac N Cheese and want it almost every day with their dinner. I think that's why I started hating it. We had it so much. Hot dogs, mac n cheese, and green beans. For a long time that is all my kids would eat. As they got older they would eat corndogs, chicken nuggets and fish sticks. Now my son loves steak and pork chops. I have to fight with him to eat anything else. He may eat mashed potatoes and gravy or french bread (no butter). It's a losing battle with that boy. My girls have both decided they no longer like meat (except bacon, turkey lunch meat, and salami)  WTH?? Now what am I supposed to cook? Please dont say vegan meat because we tried that. No one liked it. Shelby lives with her father now so I only have to worry about her in the summer and Christmas. Samantha will only eat Caesar Salad. No other kind will do. Samantha LOVES corn, mashed or baked potatoes, with gravy if mashed, asparagus and broccoli. She is a my good eater, but only her. When and how did my kids become so freaking picky? I know we are pretty poor compared to most families, but I still buy good for you food. I have to figure out how to get my kids to eat more. They prefer processed crap which is all I can afford, but I do try to get fresh veggies and lean meats first. It's a daily battle for a well balanced dinner. I have a shelf filled with cookbooks, but I haven't found much to please the kids tastes buds.

 It doesn't help that their fathers side is filled with picky eaters. Their grandfather Dennis is the only one who eats anything. I know he makes good meals because we used to live with them. When we lived on our own, the kids father was so picky the kids hardly got veggies or healthy food. He pretty much ate crap. I refuse to make some of the meals I made back than now. Even though it would be more cost effect to make those meals and add veggies to them.  I just can't do it, The food makes me want to vomit.

  Back to the Mac n Cheese, I hate it, the taste, texture, everything. I used to add polish sausage and broccoli to it. I only eat it now because I want the kids to see that just because you don't like something doesn't mean you cant try it. Maybe you 'll like the next time. Today was a finish it off day. What does that mean? I cook anything that has not enough food for all of us. So we made fish sticks, chicken strips, mac n cheese and some broccoli. Pretty much finishing any semi-empty packages. We do that maybe once a week. I'm not going to get into the serving amount complaint I have right now. I'll save it for another blog. I ate the Mac n Cheese with a little of everything else. David (my son) did not touch the Mac n Cheese, I asked him why and he said "I don't like it". Oh nice, I'm not the only one, but I at least I ate it.

Any ideas, help, or advise on getting the kids to eat more is very much appreciated right now.

I'm off to watch Labyrinth and relax. Maybe I'll watch The Dark Crystal too.

This kitty must know my kids

P.S. We are working on our very own veggie garden. I'll post pics as we go.

Lent: Day ?? *^%#@%^*&*^&%$ (NSFW links)

I have been a bit depressed lately and i am trying to get things moving along in life.

Who am I kidding? No one. I am so F^*%ing out of it right now. My face is starting to hurt from the fake @$$ smile I've been carrying around. I'm tired, not interested in food and I cheated on my Lent. Honestly I don't care.  What did I do? I watched porn and masturbated. YUP I DID! Would you like to know what kind of porn I watched? NO? Too bad, I'm going to tell you anyway.

So I looked through the porn I have at home, but only found one I wanted to watch. I think I need new porn. Any ideas of what to get?

If i don't want what I have downloaded i usually go to hub hunter or the usual spots youporn, & pornhub. Theres another one, but I forgot what it's called.

First I watched was some softcore first time lesbian 3some.You know like when you hang out with your friends and experiment. Yeah it was like that. It was way to lovey and virginal. i watched the whole thing and thought it was a little unfair that the blonde chick got most of the attention. It was a little boring for my taste, but it was good enough to get me started. I wont watch that shit again though.

 I don't know the name of the porn because I downloaded it a while back. It's a 3some 2 guys and a chick in a yellow outfit including bright ass gloves. Why do I mention the gloves? She never took them off and they were distracting. I think both guys in the video are gay, maybe one is bi. The bi guy had 2doods tattooed on his arm, WTH?  The other guy well he would only do anal. No vag for that guy, so it would be safe to say he's gay. No worries, it was worth watching.

Eva Angelina

 Last I watched my favorite girl Eva Angelina. I'll watch anything of hers. This video I found online and it was okay. Mainly 3 women having their way with Eva. Though I love Eva, this is not one of the good ones. One of the chicks in the video was awful, I swear she was trying way too hard and she couldn't even do her part right. Whatever, it was still fun to watch Eva though, and it was enough to end my night.
*YES I'm judging porn*










So what have I learned from all this? I feel better now. I should not deprive myself of sex or masturbation. I love porn. Oh wait I already knew that one. Masturbation helps me sleep, gives me energy for the day and perks up my mood.

Have a nice day! xoxo

Isn't she damn sexy?

Lent day 17 Just pictures.

I miss us all together.

I miss San Francisco

Lent Days 15 & 16- A quickie

I just wanted to say hello. I am working on one of my other blogs at the moment. I am also doing research and prepping for a few blogs for here. I'm not really in the mood to do it, but I have a list of blogs i have been trying to finish.  Honestly i am in depression mode and trying to get out of it. I hate the way I feel right now. I know it will pass, or at least i hope it will. Maybe I'll blog later, maybe...

Lent: Day 14 what I did today.

Only day number 14? I have a long way to go.

Today went something like this...
1. made a new cleaning list
2. made a new chore calendar for the kids.
3. bought some more water and crackers.
4. sat in silence, listening to the world around me :)
5. fed the birdies again and one was peeking into the house.
6. chatted with Ryan & Henry
7. played Farmville & Cafe World
8. Googled images for : broken hearts, O face, scary food, and lolcats.
9. looked at the mess in my room and thought ' Damn it, my room never stays clean'.
10. wrote a list of what I want to blog about. {Working on them now}

Did some cleaning and trying to figure out what to do with everything that keeps ending up in my room. It's like my room is the junk yard of the house. I'll figure something out. I had a headache most of the day, but it wasn't too bad. I was still able to function. I was in a weird mood today, a sad, lonely, I hate the world day. Which is why I googled weird stuff. I was looking for a pick me up. It didn't work. It's just one of those sad little days. Thank goodness it's almost over.

Fixing a Broken heart.

WTH? So not eating that.

poor kitteh

Lent: Day 13 Social Networking & Old Photos

I didn't do much today. Organized some computer files, uploaded pictures to Facebook, and had some cake. I watched the birds eat the popcorn and bread I threw out onto the patio. I texted with Ryan for a bit and spoke with my grandmother Maria on the phone.

Lent is going well but, as you can see I am still using Facebook. So the Social Networking is still on. It's a good thing I chose to keep Social Networking going during Lent. If I would have gave it up it would take me days to respond to all the messages and clear my wall of unwanted posts. So I retracted one of my Lent choices.

Now on to some better stuff. I was going through some old computer files and uploaded the pictures to facebook. Tomorrow I will upload them to my Picasa and Flickr accounts. Here are a few of my favorites.

Neptune passed out on the couch.

My grandparents Maria & Eloy Perez

A cute duck at LMC pond

Meerkat- Oakland Zoo June 2009

Ryan riding the stone turtle. Oakland Zoo 2009

Lent: Day 12 Why I gave up Cursing & Sex

photo from www.skateandannoy.com

 Why did I gave up cursing & sex? Well it was a way to help cleanse my spirit, my emotions, and my heart. I am angry too much and curse too much, sometimes. I use cursing and sex like I use soda, as a release. I guess they are not that bad because I could be an alcoholic, or drug addict. I have another addiction, but that is another blog topic on it's own. I knew I may slip up a few times with these two but I wasn't expecting to get it perfect.

 I don't know how I got started cursing again. I didn't curse at all when the kids were little. It must have been the people I was friends with after the kids father and I split. Darn bad influences. I know I drop the F-bomb a lot and sh!t too. Now, I am the bad influence with my kids. My son is starting to curse at the TV when he plays games. Then when I tell him to watch his mouth; he says I freak out about the stupid words. GREAT! So maybe I can become a better influence and show my kids there are other colorful words to use. I just need to find some.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/froodmat/1213122428/

SEX! I'm such a man when it comes to sex. They say men have sex on the brain every 15 seconds. Hhmmm I think they were talking about me too. I love porn, sex, and masturbation, but I guess that's a no no for ladies. Yeah well I never said I was a lady. I used to masturbate on a regular basis. It helps me sleep, gets rid of my cramps and headaches. I have always been open about sex and relationships. I'm not afraid to discuss anything sexual, even if it's a topic I don't like. I won't go into detail here, maybe a mini blog series about my opinions and/or stories on sex in the near future? Yeah I can go on & on.
 I gave up sex because at the moment I really don't need it. I'm not in a serious relationship, so why would I have sex. I also gave up porn and masturbation. I can honestly say it was easier than I thought, but there have been a few times I couldn't shake the thought. I did slip up the first week of Lent, but I was also having some killer cramps. Oh well. I have been using exercising as an alternative. If I think about sex or get the urge, I exercise. It's working so far, though I think sexercise is much better. I do miss sex and porn. I know it's good for you- lose weight- better sleep & skin. It used to be that sex was just that sex, and fun. Now I need more than just sex. I need intimacy, but most people don't know what that is. Someday I will find someone worth being intimate with, until then I'll exercise. Damn that sounds boring. My life is going to suck.

Lent: Day 11 Why I gave up soda & dining out.

mmmmm

  I give up soda & dining out every year. I always end up going back to the same old habits. I am a serious soda drinker. I know it's bad for me and I know I can and should drink more water, but it's so yummy. You think the fact that its mostly sugar and makes me fat would be good enough to give it up, but I can't. It's my stress release. I don't smoke and I drink very rarely, so soda is my vice and what I go to when I'm stressed.  The reason I give it up every year is the hope that I will have the strength to not drink it anymore. I have yet to beat this addiction to soda & caffeine. I want to and I will... someday. Right now I would really like a Coca Cola or RC Cola please.

Jerry's Hot Dogs Beef & Chicken Gyros w/ fries

  The dining out has gotten better over the years. I do like to treat myself and the kids from time to time. The kids get pizza every month. I order pizza a side and a 2liter on a Friday. Sometimes I'll get Subway for us. For me, well, there are a couple of local diners I love to visit. Jerrys Hot Dogs is one. They have some awesome gyros. The Cheese Steak Shop in Pittsburg has some darn good sandwiches and I love the fried mushrooms. Okay, now I'm hungry.



Today: I had tea, water, and 2 breakfast burritos. I am stuck on those things. Eggs, veggies and a tortilla, yum. I went to the store before its started raining, but by the time I got out it was pouring. I was soaked when I got home. Then I waited a while before checking my mail this evening only for it to start pouring out of nowhere as i was returning from the mail box. I guess GOD thought I need more than one shower today.

Today is my eldest daughters birthday. Shelby is 16. YES 16, can you believe it? 16 years ago I was a teenager, I was still in high school and still living with my parents.  Two more years and she will be an adult. That  is a little scary. No, I don't feel old like everyone else says. I was young when I had her and I still am young. Well until my arthritis acts up from the freezing cold weather. haha

Lent: Day 10 Why I gave up meat.

Photo from www.demeterclarc.com/tag/vegetarianism/

  I gave up meat for health reasons and to help lose some weight. Catholics are not supposed to eat meat on all Fridays of the year, but many of us don't abide by it. It's usually when Lent comes around when people finally give it up.

  I'm not a big fan of beef to begin with, but the last few years I have given it up for Lent and noticed a huge difference in my health. My skin clears up, I have more energy, and I feel better over all. In 2009 I gave up beef for Lent. I felt good and lost 15 lbs... Then I went to my grandmothers for Spring Break and we ate beef almost everyday. I was so sick and my skin broke out in cystic acne across my collarbone and neck. I don't normally get cystic acne that bad. Once I got home I reduced my beef intake and did notice every time I ate beef the same thing would happen. I felt exhausted and I would break out real bad with cystic acne. It sucks because there are a few beef dishes i enjoy. It seems beef will have to be a special occasion  type of meal. I have replaced ground beef with turkey, it's great but more expensive.

  I gave up pork because i love it way to much. I eat bacon and ham like its candy. I know it's filled with fat and ham is packed with sugar and water. But I LOVE IT! Pork chops sound so good right now with mashed potatoes and gravy and some steamed veggies. I've heard that pork is not good for you, but I'm not sure how. I read eating pork chops can give you the same protein you get from beef, or something like that. If i had to choose between the two i would choose pork. When Lent is over I will reduce pork to twice a week. That will be one dinner and a breakfast. You have to have bacon or sausage with Sunday morning pancakes. Geez, look at that, I'm already making excuses why I should have it more than once a week.

  I chose to allow myself poultry once a week. I am a chicken girl, but my daughter loves turkey. So I try to have a little of both each week. Now there really was no need to remove poultry for Lent, but I thought I would push my limits. A way to test myself in getting creative with food and try new things. If I can't buy poultry all the time what's left? Something I have yet to try maybe.

Today all I had was 2 tuna melts and a hand full of bbq chips. I'm starting to feel better. Maybe tomorrow I will eat more.

Lent: Day 9 Samantha's Birthday

Day 9 is here and so far so good.
  I had a slip up, but that's okay. I haven't been feeling well. I stayed in bed most of today and tried to get some rest. At first I thought I had allergies, then maybe a sinus infection. Now I just don't know. I feel like crap and I don't want to go to the doctors. My body is sore, throat is itchy, and many other fun stuff. I had some 7up, orange juice, and a cup o' noodle for dinner. I took 2 showers and I'm about to take a bath.

It's Samantha's 11th birthday today. In two more years I will officially have no more little kids. I'll write more about that in another blog. Samantha brought St. Patrick's Day cupcakes to school for her class. She chose dinner, canned roast beef and I made some rice. No eggs or veggies tonight. She was in a hurry to eat so she could go out and play. i was going to make a cake, but she didn't want one due to the cupcakes she had left over. We'll save the cake for this weekend. Shelby's birthday is this Friday, so I'll have to call her early in the morning.

That's all for now,


Lisa

Lent: Day 8 I'm sick

I have a headache and sinus pressure from hell. I took some sinus medicine, but it's not helping. As soon as I am done with this blog I will go take a nice hot bath, drink some tea and read a book. I think it's the flu because I feel fever like symptoms coming on. I had a smore's poptart, bagel and salad for today. My throat is a little itchy so eating is no fun right now.

I had to go deal with some issues at my apartment complex. The manager and I spoke for a bit and I was a upset, but understanding. I'm still upset a bit yet, there is nothing I can do about it right now. I have to find a way to make things work. If I want to live here I have to go by their rules. It just sucks that they are just now enforcing rules that have been here for a long time. Somehow I didn't notice or maybe I miss understood the rules and then forgot all about it. I will have to keep my lease handy and reread it. Some new rules have been added that make things hard, but there is nothing I can do. I can't afford to live any where else. So I will just abide by the rules and keep to myself. I wish I could talk about it on here in more detail, but I don't want to risk getting evicted.

 I did some of the exercises from BodyRock.tv. I only lasted 10 minutes. Thats pretty good I think. I know in time I will get better and have more endurance, stamina, and reps. I need to get all the items she uses, but I don't have the money at the moment. I walked today even though it rained. I'll walk when it's not raining tomorrow.

I want to blog more but my head hurts. I'm going to relax in the bath. Maybe I'll blog later, if I don't fall asleep. Good Night.

xoxo,

Lisa

Lent: Day 7

I didn't do much today. I have a lot on my mind and can't seem to shake this feeling that has come over me. I have some blogs I was working on almost done and some new ones in brain storming mode. Do you remember when we were young and our teachers would make us do the brain storm clouds and write out all our thoughts, ideas, and such? I still do that. Sometimes I draw it out and sometimes I use my computer to make lists. I wonder if any schools still do that because my kids don't.
I had tea, a hand full of popcorn, and 3 chicken fajitas today. Thats it. I think I am getting sick, my sinuses are hurting and a little clogged. I have a slight headache and my stomach has hurting. Maybe I need to herbal tea or theraflu. I went for a walk today, but didn't do any other kind of exercise. I want to try  www.BODYROCK.tv. Maybe I can start that tomorrow. I'm going to take a nice hot shower, have some hot tea, and read a book in bed. Good night.

xoxo,

Lisa

The Slumber Party 3.12.11

Samantha's slumber party went well. There were a couple of girls who came to the party but couldn't stay the night. They had pizza, salad, and cupcakes. I made punch which came out pretty yummy. I looked through a variety of recipes and just took what I liked from them. The girls loved it. 

 The girls watched Austin Powers: Goldmember when the party first started and then switched to playing Singstar on the PS2. They sang 3 songs over and over again; Ashlee Simpson- Invisible, Britney Spears- Hit Me Baby One More Time, and Panic! at the Disco- I Write Sins Not Tragedies (It was funny to hear the girls skip goddamn). Samantha got some cute gifts and she was very excited about them. My friend Rebecca and her daughter came to the party and stayed a while, so I had some company. We looked through Liberty High Schools yearbook archives and talked about people we haven't seen in years. A kind of I wonder where they are now. Stories of high school are fun and a reminder of who you once were. They finished the night off with Coraline around midnight. Once everyone was asleep I finally went to bed. 

   I wake to someone knocking on the door. I thought it was one of the parents, so I hop out of bed, and start down the stairs. I hear Samantha telling my friend Chris he can't be here (girls only party). I come down the stairs to Samantha it's okay cause it's morning. Actually it was more like 10 something. I find the girls watching Stephen King's IT once I get down and say good morning. Nice morning movie, right? The girls had left over pizza for breakfast. I couldn't take much pictures because they wanted the house dark. It's okay because they had fun. That's what matters, because it's my children's turn to make the memories they will laugh about when they are my age. I hope they are all good ones. 

Lent: Day 6 the slumber party

I didn't eat much today. Salad, garlic bread, and cupcakes (I lost count). I had one slice of pizza. It was not worth the cheat. Oh well.
The slumber party is going well but I won't do it again.

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Lent: Day 5 bored already

I am so bored with Lent already. I'm doing well though. I did have a piece of salami today, then I remembered it's Good Friday, oopsy. I am really craving salty foods. I am hoping this craving will pass soon because it's driving me crazy. I had cereal for breakfast and chicken noodle soup (minus the chicken) for dinner. No lunch today though I had the salami and a Hawaiian sweet roll. I do need to drink more water. Everything else is great. I'm starting to feel more energetic as my body flushes all the toxins and caffeine out of my system. I'm going to destroy this weeks efforts tomorrow when I have pizza and a soda. I need to exercise more. I plan on downloading an interval timer app for my phone. I'm trying to figure out which one would be best for me.

I didn't do much today, I just kind of hung out and cleaned up. It was a boring day. I say it's time to get motivated and start some projects.

Lent: Day 4 & a mini rant.

Today I had a 2 pop tarts for breakfast, and a mini quesadilla for lunch. I bought a new kind of salad dressing by Lighthouse called Yogurt Kefir Cultures (Bleu Cheese) and I don't know if I like it. My salad tastes weird. Maybe because the dressing isn't as fatty and thick as the others I have. I also didn't boil my eggs long enough; I don't like them soft boiled. Oh well. My day went pretty well. I went for a walk and just hung out at home. I need to clean my kitchen though. It is such a mess because I have been cooking and then not going back to the kitchen in fear of eating more than I should. So tonight is clean the kitchen night.  I need to get the house ready for the slumber party anyway.

Speaking of the slumber party. Parents are just now R.S.V.P.ing. Really? Now you want to let me know your kid is coming? The sad part is almost all the parents said that they wanted to check out this party and decide if their daughter(s) should spend the night. Okay, I get that you are concerned about the safety of your child and want to make sure I don't live with a pervert. I would want to know too. The question is, why wait till 2 days before to tell me this? Why didn't you call last week and come speak with me in person at my home? Instead you want to embarrass your child and hurt my daughters feelings the day of her party; At the party. I'm totally fine with you checking out my place, or me, or who lives with me but, not during the party. I have a feeling none of those girls will be staying the night. Why didn't the parents just say "My daughter will come to the party, but will not participate in the sleep over". I'm fine with that. Don't say "I don't know because I need to check your place out". I wonder if it will be like this for my sons party? Maybe I should plan his further in advance. By the way my son will be staying at his grandparents for the weekend because there is a NO BOYS ALLOWED rule for the party. It was in place long before the planning started. Okay I'm done for the night. I need to exercise or something, get all this aggression out.. RAWR!

P.S. Just wanted to let everyone know I am registered for Bay to Breakers! WooHoo! I'm very excited and it is one thing I get to check off my bucket list.  I'll talk more about this later.

Lent: Day 3 Ash Wednesday

I didn't go to church today. Yeah sue me! My menstrual cycle is crazy and I didn't want to bleed out in church. My headache is still here, but much better. Hopefully in a few days it will be gone. I had th usual breakfast and lunch, fruit. For dinner I had cereal. I love cereal, especially ones with marshmallows. I have been craving salty things and i have been trying to avoid them. I didn't add salt to anything I ate but i did have a some Gardettos. Those things are really salty because i feel like a ballooned. My rings dont fit and my shoes feel tight. So I guess no more salty foods.
  I was out and about today buying Samantha's birthday presents (DVDs and a very special hair cut she has been begging for).  I think she looks really cute. I found an exercise program to do every day and I started walking again. I also signed up for Bay to Breakers. I can't wait to go. I didn't cuss once today. Of course there wasn't any sex or soda either. Facebook was more of an outside source today. Mostly sending pictures of Samantha's hair or news feeds from other sites while I was reading them.

I guess thats it. I haven't been blogging an regular stuff. Maybe I'll do that later. I'm gonna have some tea now, running around all day made me super thirsty.

xoxo,
Lisa

P.S. Samantha's hair. She loves the 60s and 70s hair styles. She chose a 60s mod style. She likes it.

BEFORE

AFTER

Lent: Day 2 'Fat Tuesday'

I had a headache yesterday, so I didn't blog the way I wanted. Boo to the headache! I went to bed early.


This year I started on Monday so I'm not supposed to indulge today but, I did, I had some frozen supreme pizza and didn't remove the pepperoni. I think I'll be alright though. I had the worst headache all day yesterday. I know it's the caffeine withdrawal, and it usually lasts a few days. I also started my menstrual cycle today. Headaches and cramps all day today! Talk about pushing my limits. I almost gave in and bought a Coke Classic. I drank tea instead and took some ibuprofen. It only dulled the pain. Caffeine has always been my monthly pain reliever. Everyone keeps telling me to drink coffee, but it gives me the jitters. Maybe if I have just one cup in the morning, it will give me enough pep to get the day going. I had my fruit for breakfast and lunch, a banana & a bagel for snacks. The pizza was my dinner.
  I weighed myself yesterday which would be the perfect day since I started my cycle. I am 160 lbs. A few weeks ago I was at my highest of 165 lbs... My goal weight was 134, but if I can get to 140 I will be happy. Once my menstrual cycle is done I will weigh myself again and take body measurements. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and we are supposed to fast. Since I am on my cycle I will eat the same as I did today and Monday. I'll have fruit for breakfast and lunch and a regular meal for dinner. If I don't eat during my cycle I will get lightheaded and faint. Wouldn't that be fun?

I was on and off facebook book for about an hour and 20 minutes. I have been keeping track of how long i am on instead of completely removing it. I thought it was funny how on the week I want to be on Facebook less, people want to message me more and see how I am. I only cursed 3 times today again. I guess 3 is my lucky number with cursing. No sex and no dining out.


So far so good.

My breakfast and lunch. I add cottage cheese at lunch & it's pretty filling too. 

Lent: Day 1

The first day wasn't to bad. I had fruit for breakfast and lunch. I made tea for me to drink all day and I had a nice big salad for dinner. I did drop the F-bomb twice today, but that is far less than normal. Hopefully by the e.d of lent I wont curse. I have an awful headache from my caffeine withdrawl. I hope its better tomorrow and the blog too. Good night lovelies.

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Inspiration

 I was seriously pissed yesterday about a situation that happened with my son. That anger turned into a freak out moment. All these awful thoughts started rushing through my head and I was about to lose it, I just wanted to scream. I logged into Facebook to vent and saw that Myspace had posted the music video Spotlight (Oh Nostalgia) by Patrick Stump.  I don't usually click on Myspaces links, but for some reason I did for this song. The lyrics hit me hard and helped me snap out of my mood and gave me the inspiration of how to discuss what happened with my son. Sometimes things happen for a reason or come to you just at the right moment. I think this song was one of those just at the right moment. I played the video over and over again. The video on Myspace is much better than the one I'm sharing. You can find that one Here on Myspace... For some reason I cant post the video in blogger. I think this will be added to my list of Inspirational songs. 

Cause they might try to tell you how you can live your life

But don't, don't forget it's your right, to do whatever you like, you like

Cause you could be your own spotlight, e-o, e-o

Lisa: unplugged

For Lent I said I would be giving up my Social Networking. Blogging & emails are okay. I'm not a big emailer anyway. Well, today & tomorrow is National Unplugging Day. It was started last year by sabbathmanifesto.org. I saw a ABC7 News clip  about the site on Facebook. I thought I would give it a try. What i really like about Sabbath Manifesto is that it's not just once a year, they want you to unplug once a week. They even have Ten Principles which you can read on their site and even download. I downloaded the phone app and I have not received my shut down message yet. I believe it's supposed to be at sundown. I even set up the app to text me every Friday to remind me to unplug. We'll see what happens. I'll be doing my Spring Cleaning during my unplugged session.

LENT: I'm giving it up, yup THAT!

What is Lent? See the calendar here and some explanation . Though I do not follow it exactly because I am not as Catholic as I could be. I know I can give up anything I wanted at any given time. The thing is, i have no will power. I use Lent as my way to force myself to give up the things I obsess about. It's a test to see if I am strong enough to go without it and stay away after Lent. I have failed every year so far. This year I will not fail. I want to push myself to my limits this year. What am I giving up? I am giving 6 things this year, yes 6, I said I want to push myself...

1. Soda- No big surprise. i am addicted to Coca Cola & RC. I know it's bad for me, but I love it. So it's time to really kick the habit or I really need to go to sodaholics anonymous.

2. Meat- Beef, Pork, & Poultry (Poultry only once a week). There is more to life than meat. I'll still buy some for my kids, but I will reduce how much they eat. My son will freak because he is a serious carnivore. I know in the long run it will be better for me. Plus I will use this time to learn new recipes and what other foods have the protein & nutrients I need that meat provides. I will allow myself ground turkey & chicken once a week, mostly so I can test out new recipes. i would like to completely remove Beef from our diet, and reduce Pork to once or twice a week.

3. Dining out- Yes I am giving up food that is not made or cooked in my house. With one exception: Samantha's birthday party. I will order pizza and sodas for that night. Yes I know I could make my own, but it's less stress to just buy it. I won't have soda but I will allow myself 2 slices of pizza.

4. Cussing- This will be my hardest to give up. I curse like a sailor. I curse so much I have had people tell me I'm rude. My kids are starting to curse on a regular basis at home. It makes me wonder what they sound like when I'm not around. So I need to cut it out. Only words allowed are Ass, and Hell. Why those words? I don't really consider then curse words.

5. Social Networking/ Facebook- YES I am going to give it up for 40 days. I know I can do it. I tested it out already. The question is whether or not I should deactivate my account or leave Facebook open so people can still leave messages on my wall. I will still use email, AIM, Skype, and my blog. My family is trying to get us all on Skype so we can chat weekly. I can't wait to see how that goes. I will also still use my phone, so call or text me.

and number 6 dun dun dun....

6. SEX- Anything sexual which will include watching porn, masturbation, NSFW sites, sex, men, women, kissing, cuddling, EVERYTHING!!! Hugs are okay, I can handle hugs.

I'm going to die