What was I saying?

So I haven't been posting much lately.  I'm sure no one noticed though, so it's all good.  A lot has happened in the last month and I won't go into awesome details, but it has been awesome.  Mind blowing awesome!

Mostly I want to apologize for the worst blog post ever.  Last night I wrote a blog about love.  It was shit.  One of the worst blogs I have ever written.  After reading it this morning I realized it didn't make any sense, my thoughts were all over the place and I somehow removed some things I was trying to say. I was distracted while writing (no excuse), and well my heart wasn't in it.  Funny right?  My heart wasn't into writing about LOVE.  Ha, what a joke.  So, I am going to revise it, and post it again once I feel the blog post conveys my deepest, truest emotions and opinions on love.  It means I'm taking the post DOWN... for now.

Thank you for reading and again, I apologize.  I need a nap or maybe a beer.

Lisa

Giving Thanks in November, when else?

http://irishruleoflaw.ie/

It's funny how when November comes up EVERYONE want to do a daily Grateful/ Thankful for post on Facebook and other social networking platforms.  Why is it only in November that we do this,  because of Thanksgiving?   Gah, we are some lame asses.

What the hell am I rambling on about?  Oh yes giving thanks and that is what this entry is about. I'm going to give all my thanks in one post.  So I hope you are ready for it. I was going to do a daily thank you, but that is just too damn much and can get frighteningly personal.  (I almost wasn't sure if frighteningly was a word)

Now, before I get started on the mushy stuff I want to share a cool think I saw on Google+. Please listen to it because it is so beautiful and one of the many reasons I give thanks  and am grateful to be alive everyday.  You should listen to the beautiful crickets while reading this entry. Yup.

Crickets singing at human speed.   The comments are pretty interesting too.


My lazy ass giving thanks:

1. My parents, that's a given right.  If it wasn't for them I wouldn't exist.  EVERYONE should thank my parents!

2. Everyone of my awesome friends parents... Yea that's right because I wouldn't know you if your parents didn't bump uglies at one point. (Who the hell coined the term bump uglies anyway?)

3. My sisters, because it's the law or something.. Nah my sister are cool, though I missed out on most of their lives I still love them and wish we lived closer so I could see my nieces and nephew grow up.

4. My children's fathers:  Yep I said it. Again, if it wasn't for them my awesome kids would not be here today.  Also, if they didn't put me through all the bullshit they did, I wouldn't be the bitch I am today.  But you get no love from me. Just a quick Thanks and move on.

5.  Shelby: My eldest, who has taught so much about tolerance and acceptance than anyone ever has.   I can't wait to see your books on the shelves in stores.  You will be an exceptional author/illustrator. I love you and miss you so so much.  (she lives on the East Coast)

6.David: My son who is a challenge at most times, but is becoming a good man.  To see you find interest in Engineering and science the way you do is awesome, even if I have no idea what you're talking about.  I love you even if you don't like hearing it.

7. Samantha: oh my mini me... Only 13 and you have grown into a magnificent updated version of me.  I can't even express the awe and joy of watching you grow up and being the one that gets to guide you into adulthood and awesomeness.   Sometimes I am amazed that I made such a fabulous creature.  I love you oh so much mini me.

8. Michelle, Becca, Dondra, Jen, Debbie:  you girls are my family.  Though we haven't spoken all the time over the years, you girls are the ones I know I can go to for anything.  I appreciate all that you have done for me and the relationships we have.  Thank you for everything.  Words cannot express the love I have for you girls.

9. Tammi:  A beautiful soul, with a talent I am envious of.  Your words touch me deeply and your life even more so.  You are one of the most amazing people I know and I am thankful for having the chance to be a small part of your life. I love you Tammi.

10. Nick, Jeremy, Donny, Gabe, Mark, Byron, Henry, Tony, Harley, and Kyle:  You gentlemen have been my best buds for so long.  The few I can talk to about anything, literally anything and I love it.   Having friends like you guys is fan-fucking-tastic.  Everyone should have friends like you.  I love you guys to death, always and forever.

11. Sonia, Kyle, Becca, Jeff, and Dany:  Thank you so so much for giving the boost and encouragement I needed to get back into eating healthy and fitness.  making the decision to have a healthier lifestyle is hard, but you all have given me the motivation I needed to stay on track. Thank you!

12. Ryan: I could never write all the reasons I am thankful for knowing you.  You put up with me at one of my hardest times.  Thank you for all you did for me in the past and all you do for me now.  You're a good friend and I appreciate our friendship.  Love you much.

13. Virginia: My twin,  my favorite coffee buddy and confidant.  thank you for being there for me when I was a brat and helping me through what should have not been a difficult time.  You let me pitch a fit and talk shit and rant about all the feels I had.  Now looking back that shit was funny as hell.  Thank you for all you do twin.  I love you to death and for always.  P.S. We need to do coffee again.

14. J.W.:  Though we have not known each other long, you have made an impact on my life.  I had all these rules in my head about how things should go.  Mostly to protect myself, but at the same time it was preventing myself from taking chances.  Thank you for reaching out even though neither one of us had any idea what that would do.  You're an awesome person.  I am thankful for meeting you and having the chance to know you. I'm sure I have plenty more to learn from you.  xoxo

I love you guys and gals more than you could ever know.  Thank you for being a part of my life.  I can't imagine what life would be like without you.

Love Always,

Lisa

P.S.  Thats all the Thanks I'm giving.  Deal with it!

Weekend Half Rant

It's Friday! YAY!  Just kidding.  I am doing what I do every weekend... NOTHING!  I live a boring life.

I am supposed to go to this breakfast with my walking buddies, but I am going to try to get out of it.  I do not want to go and I don't want to make a vision board.  Well not with them.  They are nice ladies, but too "Christian" for me to handle.  I wouldn't be able to make my vision board the way I want.  I can't talk about what I want.  I have to tone down my talks and behavior while I'm with them.  I may go anyway.  UGH.. I don't wanna.... whine, whine, whine.

Hailey's birthday is Sunday, she will be 13! YAY!  Samantha is going to her birthday party.  If you don't know who Hailey is, well we met her three years ago when her and Samantha became team mates at Delta Bowl.  Yep, the girls have been bowling in a league for three years together on Fridays.  I love Hailey as my own daughter.  Her father is kinda cute too.  When I signed her birthday card today I wrote "not your real mom" under my name.  It's a little joke between us.  At least she doesn't call me "The other mother"  because I'm not evil.  I could be though *evil laugh*.

Happy birthday, Loves you

While Samantha is out having birthday fun with her sister, I will clean house or something.  Samantha's friend rebecca wants to come over, but i am not in the mood for more kids and I am still waiting for a woman to come by and pick up the desk she wanted to buy.  I need to get this crap out of my living room.  It looks like a yard sale.  

I will for sure do some more research for next weeks Sex Talk.  I hope you guys and gals are enjoying those.  I have already pissed off a few people, lets see how many more feathers I can ruffle.   

Well I guess that's it for now.  I have to finish making dinner so I can go for my walk with the Christian girls.  Good night and wet dreams loves. XOXO

Wish List Wednesday

I think I want to bring this back.  I miss telling you all about the weird and lovely things I wish I owned.  I usually post photos with them, but not today. I'm lazy.

Lets get started shall we.

First:  I want the Leaf Bloom Rechargable Massager $140
Wait a sec... $140.00?  Holy moose knuckle!  Oh but it's flexible, has two usable ends, discreet and well, it's super cute.  I really want it!



Second: How about the Icicles No. 24
It goes for a nice $69.95.. ooohhh I just want it because it looks cool.  Something out of an hentai.  Not to mention it is glass and I  have always wanted a glass dildo.



Okay last one: How about something cute to wear 2Pc Hollywood Chemise Set
Cute, right? For $32.95? not bad.

Something Different.

Damn, I forgot were I got this pic. 

I've been staring at my blog trying to figure out what is missing.  It needs something different, something to make it ... ME.  Yes?  Shit I have no idea.

Why can't I just be happy with what I have right now?  I always have to change it up.  I'm never satisfied.  Such is the life of a woman. HA


248

Friday Night Blues

How about just some wine, or whiskey, whiskey sounds great. 

I was going to write about a recent situation, but I am not feeling up to putting it into words at this moment.

My daughter has some friends over tonight for a Horror Movie Marathon.  So far all I have seen them watch is David So and some random videos on Youtube.  So much for horror movies.  So I sit here at the laptop with headphones on trying to drown out the laughter and teen fun.

I feel left out of the fun in a way.  More of an "I wish I had some company for me."  The one who I would like to be here doesn't want to be.  Most of my friends are busy, want to go out and drink,  or the people who I would like to see don't want to see me.  So I sit here on my own with the laughter of teens  in the other room.  Yes, I guess you can say I am whining and No, I don't want cheese with it.

I don't like feeling lonely, no one does really.  It sucks, but it's my own fault I'm in this position.  I guess it's what I deserve.  Karma kicked my ass this week and a lesson was learned and boy did it hurt.

So all I have to say at this moment is    248

The Single Life: Dating, Intimacy, and Sex or lack there of.

This beautiful art is by People Everyday At Deviant Art

I've been wanting to blog about my serious issue.  Okay, it's really not that serious, just to me it is.

I have been technically single for 3 years now.  I have dated, most did not make it past dates 1-3.  Sad, I know.  It's not that I am picky or anything.  I just know what I am looking for.  Now this isn't what I really want to write about, but it is connected.

My issue is intimacy and sex.  I can't tell you how jealous I am of everyone who is getting some right now. I can't remember the last time I was intimate with someone or even when I had sex last.  Masturbation does not count in my book.  I miss it, all of it.  The holding of hands, the hugs and kisses, and amazing sex.  Yes, I know I can easily call up one of my many guy friends and ask for a sexual favor.  Most would be at my door within minutes, but I don't want that.  For the first time in 3 years I actually want a relationship.  I want to have that one person I can go to for anything.  But no, I am sitting here in front of my laptop writing about it instead.

In the last year I had finally become comfortable with being single and being alone.  Masturbation had become a daily (sometimes up to 3x a day) routine.  I would go on dates here and there, but had no interest in becoming more.  So I quit going on dates.  I don't want to waste anyones time.  Nor do I want to lead anyone on giving them false hope that we may one day be together.  My biggest problem with dating was some men were in such a hurry to be in a relationship just so they could have sex.  I would say "I'm not ready for a relationship" their response " oh, okay well when you're ready let me know". DUDE! I just fucking met you, and you already annoy me.  Then there are the guys who are totally fine with me not being ready and have the nerve to say " well we could just hang out and have sex occasionally." Uhm how about NO!   YES, I'm just as sexually frustration as you are, but I will not settle for your sorry ass.  Okay, that was a bit mean, but I had so say it a few times.

I also don't like that masturbation has taken up a considerable amount of time in my day.  I can't tell you how much porn I've watched in the last few weeks alone.  My Tumblr follows are mostly some kind of porn or nudity.  Yes, I know I am a pervert.  Even Masturbation gets boring after a while, and porn, well it makes me more sexually frustrated than anything.  Like I said I could call a friend for help, but I don't want a friend with benefits, a booty call, or a fuck buddy.  I tried the friends with benefits.  It didn't work out.

Why the change of heart?  I have no idea really.  I've been thinking about it a lot and, if I know what I'm looking for in a significant other,  I have no problem starting a committed relationship with the person who best fits what I am looking for.  Right?  As I write this up and re-read it, I feel like I'm whining. Maybe I am.  My biggest worry is I will settle. I don't want to do that.  I will not settle.

P.S. I have a crush on someone I can't have.  This bring the frustration to a whole new level.  I say crush because I don't know him well enough to say it's more than that.  I also prayed for the first time in a long time last night.  Weird, right?

Flustered or something like that

flust·er

verb

past tense: flustered; past participle: flustered

1. Make (someone) agitated or confused.

"You need to be able to work under pressure and not get flustered"

synonyms:  unsettle, make nervous, unnerve, agitate, ruffle, upset, bother, put on edge, disquiet, disturb, worry, perturb, disconcert, confuse, throw off balance, confound

As I sit here today alone for the most part; I listen to Nero Radio and Luke Bryan Radio on Pandora. I am also searching through a variety of Tumblr porn while trying to think of what it is I want to write about.  I take that back; I know what I want to write about, I just can't get my thoughts onto the page.  I've been so flustered for most of the last 24 hours.  Trying to smooth out my ruffled feathers with music and porn has not worked.  It's a bit disappointing to know even porn can't bring my mood up.  I want to express how I feel and why I am feeling this way.  For some idiotic reason I can't get it out of my head.  Every time I attempt to type out my thoughts they come out all wrong and I start over.  So here I am now just typing how much I want to write about something completely different.  BOO to me!  

UGH! How do I get these emotions out of me?   

P.S. I am so sexually frustrated right now, I need to ____________. Yeah, That.

Fitness Goals and a mini update

Hello, how have you been?  I've had a busy weekend and Monday.

Sunday I went to Stoneman Park in Pittsburg to weigh in for the free 24 fit challenge I have been wanting to try.  I will get my results in an email sometime this week.  I'm pretty excited since I've become such a fat ass.  The only problem is I have hurt my right shoulder.  I have spoken to mr Doctor about it already and may need physical therapy.  So, my plan is to discuss options with my new fitness coach.  Hopefully we can find ways to help my shoulder.
I am still participating in the walking group.  We walk at LMC for now and we are looking for other walking options.   Some of you may have noticed I took the Friday 13 blog down.  After our group meeting this weekend I realized there was more to this group than I thought.  This isn't just about fitness or becoming healthier.  It's about empowering each other to become better people and to encourage each other in our difficult times.  I also learned I was not the only one discouraged by how things were going so far.  So we made group and personal goals.  Something to look forward to and keep us challenged.  No one likes boring workouts.
With my attempt to become healthier, I have made some goals to help me not only better myself physically, but mentally as well.  I have been anti-social, not focusing on my educational goals and I haven't really checked off enough Bucket List items either.  This year of self feels as if all I did was whine about how miserable I am.  THAT SHIT NEEDS TO STOP! I need to get my ass moving.
I would like to share some of my goals with you today.

Fitness Goals:

1. Complete Fitness Boot Camp (3 classes a week for 5 weeks)
2. work up to jogging on a regular basis
3. Jog Bay to Breakers 2014 
4. Reduce Caffeine/soda until I wipe it out of my eating habits.   (Pretty much finish off what I have in my home) 
5. Learn cleaner eating habits.  Reduce refined sugar and remove processed food as much as possible.          (as I type this I am having a quarter of a Pepperidge Farm cookie)

Walking Group Goals: 60 day fitness goal

1. As a group walk 1 mile under 15 minutes.  
2. No refined sugars after 7 pm for first 30 days/ after 6 pm second 30 days. 
3. Reduce inches and not worry about what the scale says (though we will weigh in)

I'll find out more about how to achieve my goals and maybe add more once the boot camp starts.  As for the walking group, we need a name, and looking for people to join.  

My Sunburned Birthday Adventure

My birthday is July 1, and I am 36 years old this year.   I was planning on just going to school and going about my day like it's any other day.  Except i was far to sunburned to walk and my poor legs swelled up twice their size.  Why you ask?  Oh well, my friend Eric thought it would be nice to take me away for the weekend on a Birthday Adventure.  You know by now I love adventures, so of course I agreed not knowing what we will be doing until I got there.  Silly me, didn't think to bring sunblock and neither did Eric.  We drove to Forestville to go canoeing at Burkes.  I have never been before and at first said NO WAY!  Not that I didn't want to try, but there were a lot of people and I don't do well in big crowds.  This was a big crowd in water so naturally I panicked.  Once a large portion of the crowd was on their way I felt safe enough to go.  We get our canoe and head out for a three hour paddle ride down the Russian River.  Wait.. THREE HOURS?  Oh nice Eric, you could have told me BEFORE we got in the darn canoe.  Like I said before, I had no sunblock, with short shorts on.  It has been about ten years since my legs have seen the sun.  The scenery was fabulous, the canoe ride was great, and people were super friendly.  About half way through the ride I got wet but some local kids who got us with super soakers.  I was already getting hot and feeling a little burnt.  The water cooled me for a minute until I started to feel the burn.  I knew it was going to be too late by the time we were done.  So I did the best I could by taking my shirt off to cover my legs.  Once we got to the end I swam in the river until the bus came to pick us up.  The water was so cool and refreshing.  I want to go back and camp at Burkes.

It doesn't look bad, yet. 

One the Canoe trip was done we went back to the Hotel and cleaned up.  I took a cold bath and somehow with my burned legs was able to get my nylons on.  We went to dinner at the Hotel, walked around, and thought about going to the pool.  We sat and watched the people from our balcony before we fell asleep.  The next morning I stepped out on the balcony to see lots of spider webs, I saw some the night before, I just didn't realize there were so many.  There was one spider in particular wrapping his new meal.  I snapped a picture of him but didn't like it.  I snapped another and thought OH MY GOSH, He has a scary face.

Such an evil grin 

Once we were ready to go, I stepped out to say goodbye to Mr. Spider, but he was busy eating.  We went to Armstrong Redwoods State Reserve.  I had never been there and I was super excited because as you all know I love nature.  My sunburn wasn't too bad though my pants rubbed on my knees as i climbed.  I took some pictures of random trees and animals.  Eric spotted a doe, at first that is all we saw; then she starts walking away from us and we see two babies trotting behind her.  They were so cute.

Oh snap! Mama deer's looking right at us. 

We ended the day with Goat Rock Beach.  I'm not sure why it's called that when nothing looks like a goat.  I read that my favorite movie of all time, GOONIES, was filmed here (the last scene). We saw some seals playing in the water.  The water was ice cold by the way.  It felt good on my burned legs until I was out of the water.  The wind made me shiver like I had a fever.  BBRRRRRRRRRR

Arched Rock at Goat Rock Beach.  Photo by me

On the way home we grabbed some dinner and chatted about the weekend.  I complained about my legs and Eric says the dumbest thing ever "You're Mexican, I thought you could handle it".  Uh thanks man, cause Mexicans never burn.  I guess I'm not mexican enough to handle the sun, ha ha.  We get to my house only to find my son outside freaking out because a praying mantis is on the window.  I tell him how they are good luck.  He doesn't care, to him it's the devil.  We move the poor mantis to a nearby rose bush.  That my friends is my Birthday Adventure.

The Mantis we found on my window sill. 

** You can see the rest of the photos in my Google+ Album BDAY POST

Like, OMG... It's been while... AGAIN.

The super moon behind the clouds.  

Yes, I've been away for too long.  I wanted to blog, but didn't have time or made some lame excuse on why I couldn't.  Mostly, we are down to  one computer and I have to fight with the kids to get on the darn thing.  I tried to add the Blogger app after I reset my phone for the third time, but it won't let me log in.  Stupid phone won't let me use my Just Another Lisa Perez account for some reason.  I need to figure it out, so I can blog on the bus to keep you all updated.  I have been writing journals though. 

School is about 8 weeks away from being done.  I plan on extending my classes another 5 weeks.  There are some classes that are not included in my program and I would like to take them.  I haven't started looking for work yet.  I have a 2 week break in mid July and plan to start the second week to hopefully have a few interviews during break.  Cross your fingers.  I'm not 100 percent sure where to look for work.  I guess I'll just see what's out there and go with the flow.  

My 30 day challenges are going okay, though Junes started and then got lost in the chaos of school.  Oh well, I tried.  May was Fitness month and I started eating better, doing some fitness challenges I saw on Instagram.  I lost some weight and then started gaining it back.  Not because it was muscle but because i got lazy and started eating junk again.  July is all about reading.  So I will read up on as much fitness and health lifestyles as i can.  I want to learn about Macros and how it works.  I also want to know more about creating my own personal mini-gym at home.  I refuse to pay for a membership when i can invest in the equipment I need for home.  I am also doing The Gratitude Experiment. The challenge isn't until October, but this is a good head start.  It's interesting and has made me focus more on me.  So far I like it. Check it out HERE

My birthday is coming up real fast here.  I will go away for the weekend before my birthday and have dinner with friends the following weekend.  My buddy Eric insists on treating me to a weekend get-away to help me relax and focus on what is important -- ME.  I've been seriously stressed with school and it's been showing in my attitude.  I will visit my grandmother in San Jose during my two week break.  It will be a much needed break away from my neighborhood.  Which is another stress inducer at the moment.  This place has gone down hill in the last few months.  

Well I think I better get ready for tomorrow.  I'm a bit tired from the day.  I miss writing here on a regular basis.  

Music Monday: I've become a bitter woman.

      I was going to write about Third Eye Blind tonight.  As I started writing another song came on Itunes.  A song that I like, but it gives me a tinge of pain.  Wait, is tinge a word? I think it is.  Jason Mraz's Who's Thinking About You Now.  I listen to this song often and have a ugly habit of answering his question in a bitter tone, in my head, while the song plays. As the song nears the end I always want to say Yeah Right! ...  I didn't realize how bitter and angry I had become about love and relationships.  Yet, I listen to this song over and over again.  Is this my own way of torturing myself?  I look through my playlist and see what I have in them and see that one in particular has a lot of song that make me look bitter, angry, and maybe a bit psycho.  Haha , okay, not funny Lisa.  I'm really keeping up on my promise to myself about relationships/ men/ love/ friends.  I'm doing so well I have made some "friends" walk away.  Oh well, not my problem. Or is it?  Have I become so bitter and self involved that I have pushed everyone away?  Maybe.  This is supposed to be the Year of Self, right?  It's helped weed out people, sadly a few who I thought were important walked away and the ones I hoped would leave, have been trying harder to get my attention.  DAMN IT! It backfired, or am I just that bad of a person?  I am working on becoming a better person, I guess i'm going about it wrong.  So many questions and no answers.  *sigh*

I keep telling myself in the end it will all be worth it, but at what cost?

Well enjoy the song. Jason Mraz aka: Mr A to Z is one of my favorite artists of all time.

Happy Easter & an update

  I hope everyones Easter has gone well.  Mine was mellow until now; David just walked in the door.  It will soon be video game time.   

  March seemed to go by so fast.  Though I was super stressed with school and the load of work I had & still have, I am doing pretty good.  March was self awareness month for the 30 day challenges.  During this time I learned a lot about myself and had one to many talks with myself about stupid things I was doing.  I realized I was sabotaging myself way too much.  I was causing my own pain & heart ache over things I could not control.  I was also allowing myself to procrastinate again and getting angry when I didn't have what I wanted done.  I am my own worst enemy.  So, I decided it was time to become my own best friend and work on keeping on task, double checking myself, and working towards my personal goals.  I even made some new goals that will be added to my bucket list and 30 day challenges.  

  Lent is over, YAY! I only gave up beef & pork this year. Yes, I know I said I was giving up all that other stuff. It was so much more difficult with school and my will power was gone.  I have reduced my soda intake by a lot and I have started baking my own snacks & desserts.  So I did more of a reduce everything rather than give it up completely.  I was super jealous when my kids were eating beef jerky. 

  April is upon us with new challenges and lots of exciting plans.  I have started some new fitness fun and added some health apps to my phone to help me out.  Though April is my 30 day art challenge, I will be starting some health challenges as well.  These health challenges are to get me started for Mays Fitness Challenge.  Let me share with you what I am doing. 

The Daily Hiit (Body Rock) - Fitness & diet tips. Great workout videos and Lisa Marie (she has my name) is an awesome host. This site also has 30 day challenges YAY! I have been following this site for a long time.  The workouts kick my ass but, they are well worth it.

Lose It! - Food & Fitness tracker. You can use the website or the app. I have both.  I love the app because it has a barcode scanner.  I started scanning my food, which made me more aware of how much I was eating.  I started eating only the serving size instead of as much as I wanted.  I have lost 6 pounds in March and plan on losing a bit more.  There are challenges you can participate in (I'm doing a water challenge), tips and weight tracker. 

Blogilates - I just started using this site last week.  I have been doing their Sexy Broom Burn video.  Love It!  There are some nice exercises to do and they sell some cute workout clothes. 

My Tracks - You can get this in the Google Play store.  I just downloaded it yesterday so I haven't used it quite yet.  I have been walking everyday and I wanted a way to track my steps and where I was going.  I'll let you know how it goes. 

Hiit Interval Training Timer - This can also be found in the Google Play store.  This works well with the Daily Hiit and for walking, jogging or running. 

  So, yeah, there you have it.  I'll post my progress starting tomorrow. 

Keep on keepin' on, right?

It seems my Project 365 went down the tubes.. I may not have been taking daily pictures, but I'm still going strong on improving myself.  Sometimes life gets in the way and you have to adjust.  It's all good in the hood, or something like that.  Now off to do some shopping with my mini me.

Yesterday, making it count & worth mentioning

"Now that it’s all over, what did you really do yesterday that’s worth mentioning?"

~Coleman Cox

      Yesterday, I walked Samantha to Paradise Skate to celebrate her friend Loran's birthday. We got there an hour early, so we went to the Antioch Flea Market to kill time.  Samantha saw a cool knife and asked if she could get it.  It's her birthday soon, and it is a cool knife, so of course I bought it.  So proud of myself for buying my daughter her first weapon.  I know that sounds silly, but I like knives as well, plus I have been telling Samantha I would get her some once she turned 13. She was pretty excited.  We walked back to paradise Skate to meet up with her friends.  Instead of going home, I decide to walk to the pier to take some photos and meditate.  She was going to be there for about two hours.  I walked down L Street and went to Humphrey's. The so called "New Boat Launch" is where the park used to be.  I remember taking the kids there for picnics.  I walked out to the dock and stood there, just feeling the water rock me.  When a boat decided to dock, I walked back to the Pier by Humphrey's and just sat there quietly for a moment.  I walked around a bit to take some photos and then headed back to Paradise Skate.
      It was nice to have time for myself.  It's been to long, most of my ME time has been shower or sleep.  I haven't been blogging or working on my 30 day challenges due to the heavy workload I have for school.  It's about to get heavier.  I'm starting to get behind and I am studying every chance I get.  The only thing I got done for February's 30 day challenge was organization. THAT'S IT!  Gah, so frustrating. I haven't even started March's challenge.  Though it is frustrating to not be able to keep up right now, school is far more important to me.  So the challenges can easily be put on the back burner and done at another time. I was thinking about swapping some of the challenges to fit my schedule.  I told myself I need to schedule in blogging at least 30 minutes a day, even if I don't finish the post I can complete it the next day and then post it.  As long as I get something done.

     So... I guess what I am saying is what I did yesterday was worth mentioning because it helped me Refresh & Focus.  Moving forward and making each day count.


NOTE - Revising one of my old blogs and started posting there again.  Mostly quick notes and quotes to myself.  Maybe I'll share it soon.

Update 02.11.13

      This is just an update on what's going on.  I don't really have anything super exciting today.   First, the sewing is going horribly.  I didn't get much done this weekend.  I have realized there are a few things I need and will have to work around all that for now.  It's not a big deal, so I'll be fine.  I did however forget that I am supposed to be taking pictures for the Project 365: Year of Self and I haven't taken very many lately. OOPS! I'll get back on that this week.  Speaking of this week, Valentines Day/Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D.)/ Bleeding Hearts Day is Thursday.  How are you celebrating?  Me, I'm watching romantic comedies 50 First Dates & The wedding Singer while I stuff my face with home made cake.  If I didn't have school on Friday I would drink myself stupid and drunk dial people.  Other big events are this week as well Fat Tuesday, Ash Wednesday, and LENT begins.  I was just thinking I better look up when Lent is coming, then I saw a post on Facebook about Fat Tuesday. POOP!  It's already here.  So the plan is this

1. Give up beef & pork
2. Give up non-home cooked meals
3. Give up junk food (excludes home made cake & cookies) 
4. Give up soda (yes I know it's a junk food, but it's my addiction)

So pretty much the same stuff I always remove.  I want to remove something non-food related, but I have no idea what.  Maybe I'll figure it out by Wednesday. 

This weekend I went on a hike with my favorite twin Virginia. It was great, the scenery was beautiful, the hike was killer, and there was some really good conversation going on.   I felt great when I got home and didn't feel sore until Saturday night.  Sunday morning I was a little more sore but was still able to run errands.  This morning I get out of bed and attempt to go downstairs only to almost fall to my death.  Okay I'm being dramatic but I swear I thought I was gonna die.  You know that feeling when your heart jumps in your throat as you mistaken how far the step is on the way down?  Yeah, THAT.  Except there was pain included.  Boy was I super sore this morning; every step was awful the first hour.  I can't wait to go again next weekend.  

Isn't it pretty

I want to live out here with the cows

I have a super special blog coming up. Thanks to my lovely fellow blogger Tam.  Stay tuned for that.


I guess that's good enough for now.  Thanks for reading.

Just a Little Bit of Everything

  I have been so busy with my last week of the school session that I haven't started sewing yet.  I have been organizing my sewing projects though.  The sewing shall start this weekend YAY!  I am having such a hard time with my math class.  I am barely passing.   Medisoft is almost done too and I'm a bit sad, but I know the next classes I take will be just as awesome.  This session wore me out. Though I think Samantha being sick has been part of my stress and exhaustion.  Her blood work should be ready tomorrow, so I will post an update as soon as I get it.

I guess that's it for now... I'm off to shower and then sleep.  I am so darn tired.



P.S. Samantha is a blanket hog.  She has been sleeping in my bed and, every night I wake up cold, with very little of the blankets covering me.  I feel sorry for the man who marries her.

Whining Gibberish

Today became a bit emotional as the day went on. ..


      I was once told that I think too much.  I have been working hard on not being that way.  It's been working, I swear.  I have noticed lately  that I have been becoming more emotional about certain friends.  I realize we all grow apart and most of time move on.  So why does it hurt to know that a few friends are walking away from me and may possibly not be in my life by the end of the year?  I keep telling myself to get over it and let them go.  I tell myself I can't be hurt by their choice to move toward a better life for themselves.  Even if it means leaving me as a friend.  I have left some people behind, so I can't have hurt feelings. We're just friends, and if they choose to walk away, let them.  They may come back some day.  Maybe, doubtful, but maybe.  I guess it's karma for removing so many people from my life that I felt were doing me no good.  I wanted more positive, productive, and trust worthy friends.   The quote "If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is a part of yourself"(Hermann Hesse) comes to mind.  It really isn't the person, but a part of their character or behavior that I dislike/hate.  When I see characteristic traits I dislike in others I try to find it within myself and change it.  I am really working on being the best me, I can be.

Notice I keep repeating myself about letting it happen?  I wish I didn't get attached to people.  Well, I wish I didn't get attached to a few people. Everyone else can bugger off, if they so choose.  I guess I'll stop whining in this blog and go cry in the shower.


Oh and......

GO NINERS!

Hello February, Make my daughter better please.

Found on www.lumin0sityy.tumblr.com

HELLO FEBRUARY!

      It is getting warm. I didn't have to layer up yesterday.  I did have to take my daughter Samantha to get some lab work done & make a sonogram appointment for her as well.  She is having some serious digestive issues.  I am hoping it is a food allergy & nothing terribly serious.  I'm not saying food allergies are not serious, but it's a lesser illness than ulcerative colitis or cancer.  The Dr we saw (not her regular Dr) said it could be stress, allergies, bacteria, or over production of stomach acid. I have a feeling this will become a life altering ordeal for us.  We have already been told that she can no longer have anything with caffeine (soda,coffee,chocolate), and no foods heavy in tomatoes/sauce (pasta & pizza).  At least until we find out what is going on.  She has lost 4 pounds & is becoming underweight.  She even looks ill all the time.  So cross your fingers that the test results show something that can be quickly remedied.  I told Samantha that if she can't have these foods then I would not buy them for anyone.  So I will have to change some of our meals to different sauces & make lots more smoothies.  I'll remove all coffee like drinks from the house & take them to school for my classmates to use.

      I was hoping to have a nice fun bubbly post today, but it's a bit melancholy.  I start a new 30 Day Challenge today.  I was getting some stuff together to see what needed to be cut, mended, or washed before I get started.  I'll post photos as I go along, not every day but often.  Samantha will be helping me when she feels well enough.  She loves to create & sew.  So, this will be a mother-daughter challenge.

Two for One: Dental & Challenge 1 DONE!

January's 30 Day Challenge is officially over. YES!  I was so tired of taking a picture a day of myself.  I don't know how people can do that all the time.  I guess I could have gotten more creative but, oh well.  Starting Friday February 1 I will start my next challenge, Sewing.  We'll see how that goes.  I am excited to get started on some sewing projects though.  Now I have no excuses, I have to get them done.  Plus it will clear up some clutter in my house. So, are you ready for the last of the ME photos?

Day 27 of 30/365: Working on a project, I am stuck & getting frustrated at this point.

Day 28 of 30/365: Uhm... Good morning hair, what the hell are you doing?  I swear my hair has a mind of it's own.

Day 29 of 30/365: My favorite weekly me time.  I have made it a must on Fridays but, I really needed some time to relax mid week.  I bought Bath & Body works bubble baths when they were on sale.  I love that store.

Day 30 of 30/365: The last ME picture you will see until August (Dress up Challenge).  I hope I will have lost some weight or at least made a visible change by then with this exercise plan I started doing.  Geez, I look fat, then again it's THAT time of the month.










Okay That is now done. Lets move on to the topic of Dental care.  I like to read Post Secret, actually I love to read Post Secret.  This week there was this post card about Dental work.

Photo from www.postsecret.com

      To read this is disturbing but I totally understand this persons pain.  I don't really have anything to sell to pay for my dental.  I haven't had dental insurance in years.  I need to go to the dentist! What I have noticed lately is more and more people do not have dental. So I also notice more and more people with rotting, broken or missing teeth.  I, myself  am becoming one of these people.  It's disgusting, and I want my teeth fixed before I become one with nasty rotting teeth in the front.  I have 2 cavities, a chipped tooth and a broken molar.  I don't know why it's so darn expensive and not important enough for everyone to have it.  People can get medical for free, why not dental?  When I looked up dental plans; the cheapest was $113 a month.  I guess only the rich get to have teeth.  If I could afford it, I would get dental implants.  Until then I am trying to be as careful as I can.  

      I found information on some free dental clinics, but they are in cities I can't get to or they are months away, my teeth will be gone by then.  I saw that there is one on the Bay Area.  I'm not sure of all the info yet to see if I can go.  I'm crossing my fingers I can.  For as expensive as dental is, these free clinics need to happen more often, NOT just once a year.

Practicing Non Consumerism... again

   

I am going to start practicing non consumerism again.  Mostly because somehow I ended up with more stuff.  I won't need to buy shampoo, conditioner or soap for a little while (grandma brought me a nice bag full of hotel goodies). Plus we got a few new kitchen gadgets for Christmas and I have no where to put them.  I will be selling and/or giving away some of my things on Craigslist starting this weekend.  Doing so will relieve stress of a cluttered home and hopefully get me some money to help with my much needed eye exam and glasses, not to mention the dental work I need (an upcoming blog). 

      

      I will also be using some of the items to recycle or upcycle.  I follow a few blogs that show how to do some cool stuff with what you may already have at home.  This is where my February & April 30 Day Challenges will come in handy.  I will be using old clothes and bedding to make stuff for my sewing challenge. I will use some of my old books to make paper crafts that I have been wanting to try for my upcoming art challenge in April.  I want to try a few things but not overwhelm myself. We'll see what happens. 

Upcoming Projects:

1. Scrap Quilt - An unfinished project
2. Canvas style bags
3. Pillows
4. Stuffed Animals or something small. *Possible give away item?*

I have some patterns already, I just need to finish my craft room.   I think my sewing machine needs to be serviced, but I don't know how much it will cost.  I'll have to call Delta Vacuum and Sewing Center Inc and see.  My grandmother gave it to me and had it serviced a while back, but ended up not using it. So I guess that's it for now. I still have a lot of planning to do.   

I'm Getting Bored but....

      This week went by fast, at least it feels that way for me. I feel as if nothing was accomplished. I haven't had a chance to work on a project all week. I haven't been able to clean my house the way I like it, and I need to do laundry. GAH! Tomorrow is going to be busy. I did sleep in today, which is why nothing got done. I think I needed that extra sleep because I feel more energetic. It could be that I masturbated twice today too. I haven't done that in a while. I guess I needed that too, ha ha.
      There is less than a week left in this month. I will be changing to a new 30 Day Challenge. February is my sewing challenge. I will work on a variety of sewing projects every day. I am thinking thirty minutes to an hour a day should be good. I will go into more detail later in the week.
      So lets get on with my boring photos...

Day 20/365: Making lists & plans for future blogs. Also planning out my sewing projects so I can complete them in time.

Day 21 of 30/365: I wore my favorite shirt to school today.

Day 22 of 30/365: Chomping on some yummy french bread I bought at Safeway. I ate the whole thing and even wrote a blog about it.

Day 23 of 30/365: Just a little bored.

Day 24 of 30/365: Ignoring all the crazies on the bus again. Today some guy smelled like urine & kept trying to talk to everyone.

Day 25 of 30/365: Super bored & tired. I couldn't sleep but I couldn't mentally function. Ugh, I hate those nights.

Day 26 of 30/365: My hair is having issues. I think it's time to get a trim & maybe some bangs.

Listening

I am quietly sitting in my room with the lights out.  I am quietly listening to Jason Mraz, a variety of songs from him. Just listening, quietly.  Listening to the words as he speaks to my decaying heart & restless mind.  Hoping it will wake me up out of this funk. Hoping I can hear through the music what my heart & mind is trying to tell me. Because right now, I'm just not all that happy, and I want to be.

Dear French Bread

Dear French Bread,
     Why do you tempt me so?
You are my favorite bread.
I can't help but to love you.
You're so delicious with my soup or pasta
But you're the best on you're own.
As i sit here on the bus, i cant stop eating you.
By the time we get home, you will be gone.
And i will be fat.

Haha ... i knew i should have just passed the bread by, but noooo. Now im gonna be a fatass.

Project 365 week 3

This week was busy & then my friends daughter ran off for 36 hours but made it home safely. Samantha finished her cell project already, so we're good with that.  I'm making cabbage soup this weekend for the first time. Besides that my week was boring. 

Day 13 of  30/365- Samantha & I went to Somersville Towne Center to do a little shopping. 

 Day 14 of 30/365- Brrr it's cold in my house. I kept my scarf on until I went to bed.

Day 15 of 30/365- Trying to avoid the odd people on the bus. i just kept my head down acting like I didn't see them.

Day 16 of 30/365- I couldn't sleep. wasted 2 hours trying to calm my mind. bleh 

Day 18 of 30/365- It was warm enough for me to take off the gloves and scarf.  Plus it's Friday! Yay

Day 19 o 30/365- Slow day. Heading to Walmart (only because I have a gift card) to pick up a few things, then work on my room. Tomorrow the dinning room become my craft room :)

*Update 5:48: I bought all the Harry Potter movies at Walmart. YES! Movie Marathon night & the cabbage soup is simmering. It's gonna be a good night. 

Things not going as planned.

      This year has started out pretty good. Though there are some things I had hoped I would start or complete. I have done neither in any of the things on my list. Shame on me!  I'm being a procrastinator again. So I am looking over my list & revamping it.

      It seems as if this week is going by so slow, yet I can't get anything done. Tell me how that makes sense?   It doesn't help that my house is freezing. I have the space heater in my room because the cold doesn't bother the kids. I ask them all the time if they are cold & they always answer no. Must be nice to not freeze your butt off every night. My house needs cleaning but it is too cold downstairs to do anything. I have to bundle up with 3 blankets to watch a movie with Samantha. I know I am whining, but I swear as I get older it gets colder.  I bring the space heater into every room with me, even the kitchen.

   This weekend the plan is to help Samantha with her cell project. Go down town to take some photos.   I was asked by a classmate to photograph the beautiful purses, shawls, and jewelry she makes. I'm not sure when she wants that done. I also want to finish a project for my room, so I can move the furniture around. I just need to find someone I can borrow a step ladder from. The following weekend I want to work on reorganizing my living room & getting rid of one of my couches.  I'm also going to start selling some things on Craigslist & Ebay. I have way to much stuff & I need to get rid of it.

      I really need to keep things moving. I'm horrible at motivating myself, hopefully, I can get the whip cracking this weekend.

Project 365: Week 2

Random photo taken of the clouds. :)

  This week was very busy. School started & I have a lot of work this time. I am taking math, Advanced Excel, & Medisoft.  If you don't know what Medisoft is, well it's the program they use to put your info into the system at the Doctors office or Hospital. Not all use the exact program I am using but I'm learning the basics right now. YAY! It's not really hard, but tedious work. Every tiny detail has to be correct or everything is wrong. It's a pain in the butt I tell ya, but I like doing the work. It's a bit of a challenge for me & I like that.

  We 3 became ill midweek & stayed home from school one day. A stomach bug is going around & of course we caught it. Samantha was sent home early & she was so kind to share her cooties.

  As I was looking at my blog when I was revamping it again. I noticed that I had 2 pictures for each day. How silly, I am using my 30 day challenges as part of my Project 365, so there only needs to be one photo. DUH! So now when I share the photos you will see Day _ of 30/ _ of 365- ... Psshhh How did I not think of this before starting?

Day 7 of 30/365- First day of my second session at school. It was freezing that morning. I caught the 7:30 bus instead of the 6:30. I didn't want to get out of bed.

 Day 8 of 30/365- Sitting at my desk trying to read, highlight, & take notes for my classes. I was getting a little bored.

Day 9 of 30/365- I stayed home from school because I wasn't feeling well. I decided to attempt to clean & reorganize my room. I got rid of some stuff & have a bag of things to bring to school to share with classmates.  I'm not done with all the cleaning yet, hopefully tomorrow.

Day 10 of 30/365-  Went home early because I started feeling ill as the day went on. I made the mistake of having a soda & the carbonation didn't sit well with me. The bus was filled with weirdos at 2:30. I'll have to remember not to get on the bus at that time again.

Day 11 of 365- No Self Portrait. The day was so busy that I forgot to take one. So here is a crappy photo of the random hail from that night.

Day 12 of 30/365- Fresh out of the shower & about to blog. I'm still working on my room. I'm not rushing because then i'll just shove things back in boxes. I want to get rid of the boxes so I really need to look through everything.

Sick

Everyone stayed home today from school. We all had stomach issues which included nausea & vomiting.  It's not something we ate, so I don't know how we got sick. I'm feeling better just in time for bed.
I started cleaning my room and prepping for next months 30 day challenge. I put clothes I no longer wear in a box & will use them for sewing projects.
I guess that's all for now. Good night!

Project 365: Week one.

The first week of Project 365 is pretty random. I will do better at keeping up with my Year of Self and taking photos that go with it. Some days I may just want to share something I like.  So here is week one. Enjoy!

Day 1 of 30 & 365. Started the year off with a mug shot

Day 2 of 30 & 365. I was to lazy to find another reason to take a picture.

Day 3 of 365. I figured out I could write on my Polaroids. HELL YA! Oh and that's the coffee mug I bought at the 99 cents store. I needed one for school. I removed the zebra print but haven't found something to replace it yet.  

Day 4 of 365. Samantha and her friend Hailey planted some veggies. I got some radishes and boy were they spicy, I didn't know they were supposed to be like that.  I am hoping to grow my own veggies starting this Spring.

Day 5 of 365. Made myself a Blog journal for notes & ideas.

Day 6 of 365. I have too many boxes of stuff. I need to find a place to put my new Panini Press & Cake Pop maker. Then I should sell some of my books.  A good way to de-clutter my home and relieve some stress.