Survey says...1

[Finish The Sentence]

If I could choose another name for myself, it would be ...
When I was a kid I wanted to be Samantha, but I gave it to my kid, so I choose Starrla Anne (Starr for short)

On my birthday, I like to ...
I don't know, I've only celebrated my birthday twice really.

My closet is ...
A mess, will be working on this weekend

The last place you'd ever find me is ...
At  a Circus - Clowns are scary

If I had $100 right now, I would ...
Pay bills

After I shower, I always ...
Dry my hair first

My dog always ...
used to bite my sister

When watching a movie, I prefer to snack on ...
whatever is available... hehe

This summer, I plan on ...
Trying something new A LOT!

If someone could read my mind right now, they'd probably hear ...
"Wow, I really need to stop thinking pervy thoughts for every question."

The last letter of my surname is ...
Z

My musical tastes are ...
ecletic. Varied as can be.

I'm always taking pictures of ...
random things.

When I look to my left, I see ...
A Messy closet

I can't wait until ...
it's May Friday the 13th... dun dun dun

The next concert I'm going to is ...
I have no idea

Right now, I'm listening to ...
Don't hold me down by Colbie Caillat

I would love it if ...
I could get out of this rut I am in

The colour of the shirt I'm wearing is ...
Yellow

I have never ...
met you, yet.

The last text message I received was from ...
RyC

I'm not pleased with ...
Myself

My latest addiction is ...
Keni Styles

I only kinda like ...
My life right now

My parents ...
are still married. Can you say that about yours?

If I won an all-expenses-paid trip somewhere, I'd choose to go to ...
Hawaii, New York, Texas, Michigan... one of those

I want to have a deep conversation with ...
My teenage self or myself 2 days before my death

The last thing I ate for dinner was ...
Chili

I'd love to be interviewed by ...
Keni Styles (blogger/porn star), Cakalusa (blogger), Dante Basco (actor), or My teenage self.

Coming Up... B2B

Bay to Breakers a.k.a B2B is almost here. I am excited and super nervous at the same time. This will be my first race, but I'm only walking/jogging it. I am staying in San Francisco the whole weekend. My friend is hosting. What a nice guy. I am supposed to get a cool shirt to wear for Bay to Breakers from Kreations of Total Kontrol. I'll let you know which one as soon as I know. I asked for the Bridge tee, but I said I will take whatever they have available. I really want the SHHHH Tee as well. Their S.W.A.G tee (Something We Asians Got) is pretty awesome too. I can't wear that one though, I'm not Asian. Though I was asked once if I was Filipino because I was wearing a Filipino Tee. The person who asked was Filipino. Look at my Profile pic and tell me, do I look Filipino to you? It made me smile, but at the same time I was thinking *Please stop smoking weed it makes you look stupid*. I love Filipino culture, well any Asian culture (I have an Asian Fetish/obsession). Well I'll leave the rest of the Asian stuff for another blog.

I have been doing a walk/jog interval set everyday for a month. 3 minutes walk/2 minutes jog. I am about to step up my game for the next 2 weeks. I will try to jog as much as i can by flipping the times and also adding some kind of squat exercises to my walks. I am also drinking as much water as I can, but I need to cut out the junk food. Boy do I love cookies and candy. Every time I go to the store I buy a candy bar or cookies for the walk home. A little counter productive, don't you think? I gave up meat, soda, dining out and sex for Lent which helped a little. I would love any ideas on how to train for these types of races/marathons.

*copied from my other blog because I'm lazy*

Holy Cow...err pig?

  So I had chili and cherry soda the other day and I got sick. I am still not feeling better. Why you may ask. Well 1. I ate beef and had soda. 2. I feel guilty. I really think skipping on beef and soda is the right choice, because even a rare occasion of indulging may make me ill. I do need to drink more water and milk. So Lent was a success to an extent. This year I only lost 5 pounds, but thats okay. I can't wait to eat pork, but I am afraid it will have the same effect on me as did the beef. We will wait and see. mmmm BLT.  I have been craving one for weeks. WEEKS PEOPLE!

  I also need to step up my game on fitness. I have been slacking off and doing workouts only half way. I need a coach. or someone to tell me to get of Facebook and get my ass moving.


oink oink

EASTER is here.

I'm not the Easter Bunny!

I wonder what this super cute kitty-bunny was looking at. He looks really scared or shocked. Maybe he/she saw the real Easter Bunny.

Happy Easter Everyone! I hope you have an amazing day. 

Photo courtesy of: Mosippy on Flickr

Good Friday. What's so good about THIS Friday?

Isn't every Friday a good Friday? It's the weekend... DUH!

So wrong.

Yeah yeah I know. All my religious friends almost died of a heart attack just now. No meat this Friday. Oh wait, you're not supposed to have meat on any Friday. Yep that's right. Most of you didn't know that, huh? Or do you just ignore it because you really need that In & Out burger done animal style? Wow that sounded sexual. *HIGH 5* .

If you eat meat on any Friday you are to abstain from some other sinful, joyful, dirty, little treat you enjoy. So the question for me would have been Meat or sex? hhmm.. If I had to choose I will pick MEAT to abstain from. I can't give up sex. Well I can and did, but.. never mind. Moving on. I'm not having meat on Good Friday because I gave it up for Lent. I think I'll just have some cereal and cheese its. Not together of course. Milk and cheese its sound weird. Maybe I'll try it... I said maybe.
Well I hope it's an awesome weekend for everyone. Even if you do not celebrate the holiday.

What next?

  Lent is almost over, but i have given up some of my loves and thats okay.  What to write about after?  Oh yeah... I have a list of blog ideas by Chris Brogan and I have some books I want to discuss. I also have a couple secret projects I have been planning. I got some awesome ideas from websites I recently found. Plus talking to random people online about different topics has helped fuel some blog ideas.

  The kids are on Spring Break. It will be a boring break. I didn't plan anything and good thing because I got sick. YAY! No not really. My throat is killing me and I cough from time to time. I can't drink enough water to keep my throat moist and itch free. I slept most of today and I still feel tired. No body aches or fever though. I hope it goes away soon.

Good Night... eerr Morning to some of you.

Lent Day 39? Confused & an Update

Confused am I. How am I on day 39? Easter is still a week away. Yet I checked my calender and counted the days 3 times. I guess this year is longer. I don't know. A part of me is excited about ending Lent, but at the same time it doesn't really matter. I told myself I am giving up beef and soda for good and I know that is what I will miss the most.


Update: Complete Randomness

I am doing okay with the exercising and walking. I need to step up my game and get more serious about it. I need to work on my non-consumerism better. I think i want to cut my hair. I want to find somewhere new to live. I also want to plan trips to the city now that it's getting warmer. I really need to start doing things on my own. I can't wait for other to be ready to go, I have to just do it alone. I keep telling myself I can't be afraid. I keep telling myself it will get easier and soon I won't notice how alone I really am. Why is it we can be in a crowd or with friends and people who care about us, yet we still feel alone. The thing is, I just can't get myself to go past friendship. I'm not ready and I don't think I will be for a long time. I feel like I'm being childish. It's like if I can't have the one I want, then I don't want anyone. It's all or nothing. It's selfish, stupid and unfair to others. But life's not fair.

Single.

Being single doesn't necessarily mean available, sometimes, it's another way of saying "I don't wanna be disturbed!" -Anon


I would love to know who said this. 

www.flickr.com/photos/mcanbalaban/2105389183

sin·gle 

adj.

1. Not accompanied by another or others; solitary.

2.

a. Consisting of one part, aspect, or section: a single thickness; a single serving.

b. Having the same application for all; uniform: a single moral code for all.

c. Consisting of one in number: She had but a single thought, which was to escape.

3. Not divided; unbroken: a single slab of ice.

4.

a. Separate from others; individual and distinct: Every single child will receive a gift.

b. Having individual opponents; involving two individuals only: single combat.

5.

a. Honest; undisguised: a single adoration.

b. Wholly attentive: You must judge the contest with a single eye.

6. Designed to accommodate one person: a single bed.

7.

a. Unmarried.

b. Lacking a partner: a single parent.

c. Relating to the unmarried state: enjoys the single life.

d. Of or relating to celibacy.

Where do I fit in this definition of single? i am solitary for the most part, unmarried (more like never married), Lacking a partner, but not enjoying this single life or the celibacy. Yet that is where i am. I am becoming more and more comfortable with being single, solo, solitary, celibate, alone. Slowly i am embracing the quiet, no longer missing the words of affection. There are no more Hi babe how was your day or week? I miss you and I love you are lost in once upon a time. Listening to love songs no longer stings my heart. 


There are times where loneliness sets in or I wake up in the night only to have no one to hold me. I have found ways to fight back at those feelings. I have a stuffed cow I sleep with and if i start to feel lonely I play inspirational music.  I have a special playlist for that lonely feeling.  Maybe I'll share it one day. I do have a song I have been listening to more and more lately, it is a lovely song about loving yourself and being alone, but not really alone. It called Melody by Kate Earl.  There is also a poem I read in the blog Think Big Project. The poem was a great message about loving yourself. They are my new inspiration to keep going and be happy with myself, to love myself. I will share them with you. 

Love After Love

By Derek Walcott

The time will come when, with elation

you will greet yourself arriving at your own door,

in your own mirror and each will smile at the other's welcome,  

and say, sit here.  

Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life.

My Body Image

Awesome quote

  Most women do not like being naked in front of others. Some won't even get completely naked in front of their significant others. Now I am no expert at all this being naked business, who is really?  I just think being naked shouldn't be an issue. Yet here I am insecure about my own body image. Though it is not what other see that I am afraid of; it is what I see or think I see when I look at myself. Many women have distorted views of their bodies. I know I had asked Ryan on many occasions while out if I looked like certain women. I thought these women were close to what I see when I look in the mirror. Ryan would always say no and I think a few times he thought I may be crazier than usual. I would love to have a tummy tuck someday. Mostly for comfort reasons rather than vanity. I have a difficult time finding clothes that fit well because after having 3 kids my belly isn't what it used to be. It also has to do with the fact I drank soda a lot and didn't take care of my body. So it is my own fault.

  Don't get me wrong, I do love being naked. I hang out at home naked all the time, maybe a little too much. Yet I am insecure about others seeing me naked. Weird, right? I am working on my body image in more ways than one. I am trying to get healthier inside and out. I am trying to see myself in new ways, testing myself and pushing my limits. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to be happy with what I have and who I am. It's all a work in progress.

Me July 2010 :(

This is me last Summer. I love this dress and it no longer fits. So I know I gained some weight since then. the sad thing is I was fat/ chubby last Summer. I tried to lose weight over the last few years and I could never lose any. I know I need a change in my diet and start working out more. This lent I have not lost any weight. I think my body is on starve mode and saving that fat just in case. I know my body will figure it out sooner or later that I am not starving.

I know I am a pear shape because all my weight is in my belly, hips, thighs & ass {HUSH VIRGINIA}.

I want to post pictures on here but I am a little worried about them becoming more than my before and after pictures. I know it would be a great motivation to keep me going. I've seen what people do to pictures online. I'll have to think about it

Lent: Day 36

  I figured out what day of Lent I was on. Depending on which day you start on your Lent can be 40 days or 42 days long. I have actually chosen the 42 day path. I'm not 100% sure what the difference is for starting Lent on Monday (Eastern Catholicism) or Ash Wednesday (Western Catholicism).  All I know is one is Western and the other Eastern. Maybe I should research it since I practice Lent. I have done pretty well this year especially with giving up so much. I did cheat a few times, and Ryan and I had a deal where if we cheated we had to add a week for each cheat. I will not be doing that this year because some of the things I have given up for Lent with be permanent or reduced.

  I will be giving up beef & soda permanently. I will be reducing my pork (once a week) and poultry (twice a week) intake. I will also reduce my cussing. Sex is easy to reduce because I am not in a relationship (so no need for sex) and I deleted all porn off my computer. I'm keeping the masturbation because it's good for me and it helps me sleep. Dining out will be for special occasions only (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.).  Social Networking- though I did not give it up completely, I have reduced my time. I try to log in at certain times of the day instead of leaving it on all day. I will reduce it to 2 log ins a day, 30 minutes long. So an hour a day to stalk you should be good.

good morning

I woke up at 6 then fell back asleep. 8 am and went out for a walk/jog. I think i'll go back to sleep. Nah I'm kidding. I had a good nights sleep even though I dreamed about weird stuff again. Maybe its time to keep a dream journal.

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Lent: I'm lost

Sometime today i need to open my Google Calendar and back track. I am so lost right now. I don't really know what day of Lent I am in. I have been doing very well with Lent. I did have a cheat moment i think. I tried some Jerky and I am not sure what kind of meat it was, I think pork, it was weird and I didn't like it. So maybe thats a good thing.

I have to be honest. I have been really depressed lately. It's why I haven't been posting or on Facebook a lot. I just don't have the energy. I workout and I take care of my kids. Thats it. I have been sleeping a lot (when the kids are in school) and when I am wake I try to find work. I don't know what is going on with me. I have no desire to be social, or leave my house if I don't need to. I try to go for my walks when my neighbors are not outside smoking, so they won't stop me so we can talk. I don't want to deal with any drama or stress right now. Please don't tell me I need to talk to someone or go to the Dr. It won't happen. If I need to vent or talk, I'll come here.

I just want to give up. Key word there is want, but I'm not going to. I'll work my way out of this depression. I've done it before and I know I can do it again.

Thinking about it

Thinking about life, where I have(n't) been, where I am now & where I want to be.
That's what I am doing while having a late dinner. No workout today; I was having some serious lady issues.

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Issues.

I have been having issues with my computer and decided to clean it out. I went through every file piece by piece. I am almost done.  It is much faster now and I removed so much stuff that i downloaded but did not need. Plus i have been having issues with my blog, which is why i have not posted. Hopefully I will be back tomorrow with a better update. For now enjoy the Easter Bunny pictures...

ooohh sexy... 

http://www.crazyegg.net/miscellaneous/16-amazing-easter-illustrations/

You are welcome!

Lent: Day 26? Saturday

It was a semi lazy day. My son David and I went shopping for shoes. It took 5 stores to find shoes for that kid. He's not really picky, but he was worried about how much I would spend. Awww so nice of him.  While we shopped Samantha went to see HOP with her aunt Denise and uncle Burt. Samantha said it was a cute movie. They took Samantha shopping after for a new helmet and a football pump. She won a football at school Friday, but it was deflated. I didn't know you could get them that way. As soon as Samantha got home, she ran into the dining room and started pumping up her football. She was so excited. I can't help but think how awesome it is to have a daughter who loves football.

I got the laundry ready to wash and had 2 tuna sandwiches. I didn't think sorting laundry made me so hungry. I'll get up and wash in the morning. Good thing the wash room doesn't open till 10:00. I get to sleep in. YAY!



Lent is going well. It is very hard to not curse. It is also hard to not think about sex. I have been tempted to masturbate again, but have not. I think maybe because I am close to starting my menstrual cycle again. I am craving sweets and spicy food. I am also getting heavy into the fitness thing. I have been walking/ jogging everyday and I think I want to extend it. I am only doing 30 minutes, but I think I want to go one hour. and up my jogging. we'll see.

Just wanted to share this. 

Have a good night... 

oh and....

Lent Days 22-24

I took some time off from over stimulation. I did get online to check emails, and read news. Some how yesterday I got stuck watching literal music videos after reading a music news blog about them. I think I watched all of them. There was some that were super awful, but it didn't really matter I still laughed. Here is a link to a literal Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Lent is going pretty well. After my psychotic masturbation frenzy I was fine. So it seems I can only go a couple of weeks before I need to release the sexual pressure. I wonder if guys go through that? I have been drinking a lot of tea and i think I need to switch to decaf because I am having a serious time getting to sleep. My time and days are way off.  I think this weekend I will only drink water and hot green tea. I need to give my body a break. I started the Body Rock exercises and have been doing a walk/jog intervals for 30 minutes everyday. That Body rock program is no joke. i was hurting after four minutes and then after that Samantha wanted me to workout with her using my Kathy Smith DVD. I bought it at Big Lots for $2.00, but Walmart is selling it for around $6.00. I cannot keep up with Kathy Smiths 80's workout. Samantha loves it and can keep up. I can get about half way through one of her workouts then I have to take a break. I remember when I could do 2 or more of the Richard Simmons Sweatin' to the Oldies. Oh, now I want that, can you still buy the set? Kathy Smith's video is pretty good. It has 3 different workouts on one DVD. It was worth the $2.00.

Okay well I'm off to bed. Good Night!