What has changed this past month & what I hope happens next month.

Blog Challenge days 29 & 30 go well together, So I decide to wait until this evening to post. Day 29 is to be a photo of myself & Day 30 asks: What changed this month and what you hope will happen next month.

Here I am. 

This is me, no make up (not like I wear it that often anyway), hair pulled back like always and just my sports bra. Not much to look at now, I think I was pretty once upon a time. I just let myself go.

What changed this month? I think i have changed a bit, for the better. I realized some things about myself that I feel are horrible habits and/ or traits to have.  Some horrible habits I have known for a long time. I chose to ignore the fact that they were bad for me. I don't exercise enough, I walk everywhere, but I don't actually exercise. I drink tons of soda, eat too much snack foods instead of meals, and my sleep pattern is off. I think i really need to change that.Why am I wanting to do this all of a sudden? I'm not, I've said this plenty of times before. What makes it different this time is I have noticed how much money I am spending, time I'm consuming, and life I am wasting. Not to mention I am starting to look very old. I am not happy about that, mostly because people in my family don't age well. If I don't do something now I will look old and really gross in five years. UGH five years from now I will be 40. I'm not worried about the age really but, I am worried about what my health will be like when I become 40. Yeah it may too little too late, but I'm going to try anyway.
I don't want to just better myself health wise but mentally as well. I feel that i am at a low point right now and can't get out. All I want to do is sleep while the kids are in school and then go about my day/night when the kids are home. I feel sluggish, anti-social, and just plain stupid. I want to do things that will bring me back up emotionally. I want to find ways to stimulate my brain. I'm so bored with myself and life. I kind of like being anti-social though. I always end up being someones therapist or end up participating in gossip and hate talk. GAH! Why are we as a society so interested in talking shit about everyone else like we are better than them. I think most of the time I am saying WTF? Really, they did/said that? Why would they do/say that? It's old and repetitive. I'm done.

What do I hope will happen next month? Well it's June and the kids get out of school on the eighth. David (my son) has his eighth grade Promotion Ceremony on the seventh. YAY! David was also accepted into the AHS EDGE Academy. We went to the EDGE Expo and ribbon cutting ceremony tonight. It was very exciting. For the month of June, I hope start to better myself. I have a list of things I want to do this summer. I have goals I want to accomplish as well. June is the starting month. I am giving myself 3 months to get some things done and some things started. I don't want to start out doing it all at once and then give up cause I am asking too much of myself right off.  Stepping stones is the way to do it. I figure start something new every two weeks and I should be okay.  There are thirteen weeks until September 1st. I have eight total goals/challenges for summertime.

Challenges
1. Detox- Tea, fruit, and veggies for 30 days (water is a given)
2. No Facebook (exception for Davids Promotion Ceremony/dinner)
3. 30 day book challenge: How many can I read. (I may change it to the whole summer)
4. Summer self portrait challenge (a photo of myself everyday this summer)

Goals
1. walk/jog & Body Rock everyday (cardio or dance three times a week)
2. Make 5 purses/bags
3. Make 3 stuffed animals (one for each of my kids)
4. Make a quilt

The detox is needed. I ingest way to much sugar, salt, and caffeine. I will be substituting tea for soda and will gradually add coffee in the mornings. I'm not a big fan of coffee but will have one serving in the morning sometimes. I walk a lot already but I would like to add some jogging into it and go for longer distances. The Body Rock program will be great for me to do instead of going to a gym and I can even do the exercises anywhere if I have my phone. The photo challenge is more for me to record my progress.
I have all this stuff sitting in garbage bags waiting to be cut and sewn into something new, and I think it's time to recycle those items. Plus it will declutter my apartment and help me get back into non-consumerism.

The end of Mays 30 Day Music/song Challenge

Listen to a song the year your mother was born: 1959

The Fleetwoods - Come Softly to me. Music at that time was magical and I still favor it over todays music.

Listen to a song by an artist/band that starts with the first letter of your middle name: M

Moby- Southside Ft. Gwen Stefani. HA I forgot about this song.

This concludes my 30 day music/song challenge. I am looking for another 30 day challenge to start on the first.

30 Day Challenge, Day 28

Today's challenge is to listen to a song that mimics nature. In my search for such a song I came across a youtube channel by Okanokumo. This may not be mimicking nature, but the videos are very relaxing and great for meditation or relaxing baths. This youtube channel is well worth checking out.  Below is one of the meditation videos. It's close enough because I couldn't find anything close to sounding like nature.

Blog Challenge days 25-28

Day 25: 10 Ways to win My heart. (Do I have to talk about this?)

01. Be sincere 
02. Don't be clingy or jealous
03. Dance with me

04. Buy me flowers (Sunflower, Anemone, Belladonna, and Dahlia are my favorites) 

05.  Cook dinner with me

06. be silly with me

07. Love to read

08. Love to watch movies

09. Have great communication skills (talk to me) 

10.  Be yourself.

I didn't like this and I feel uncomfortable telling you.  

Day 26: My religious beliefs

I was somewhat raised Roman Catholic. I believe in GOD, Jesus, and all that jazz. I believe in all religions and that they all have a purpose. I'll leave it there or this blog will turn ugly and angry. I don't want that to happen.

Day 27: Talk about my siblings.

I have 3 sisters. Cristy, Jessica, and Melanie. Melanie is the only one that does not have children. Cristy is the only one married. They all live out of California because they moved to Michigan in 1996, then Cristy stayed in Michigan while everyone else moved to Nebraska, and now my parents moved back to Michigan but Jessica and Melanie stayed in Nebraska. So we are all spread out. We will all be together this Christmas for the first time in YEARS! It will be the first time I meet my nieces and nephew. 

Day 28: The month you were happiest this year and why

I would have to say March. That's when I went  to San francisco, got to stay at a hotel for free, went to the zoo, Had HELLA birthdays in 1 week (March 12-19)  had a wedding at my house with a 4 day bbq/party.  It was awesome!

Song Challenges Days 25-27

I'm supposed to be doing this daily, but my kids have been sick and then we got super busy. GAH, so glad this month is almost over.

Day 25: Listen to a holiday related song

I actually love this song and play the hell out of it every year.

Day 26: Listen to a song you hate

This song was okay at first, and I mean just okay. Then some weird guy i went on a blind date with decided it would be sweet to dedicate this damn song to me on Kat Country 103. It just so happens that my mom and sisters were also listening ( we were cleaning house) and they laughed their asses off. I was so pissed and not at my family, but at this guy being all mushy on the radio like that, bleh.

Day 27: Listen to an artist that starts with the letter of your first pets name. Roscoe was my doggies name.

Day 24: Things I want to say to 5 different people.

SM- Thank you for becoming a big brother to me. For helping when i needed it even when I swore I didn't. For bringing me into the crazy yet awesome family you have.

RS- Thank you for becoming my friend all over again. For having the girly gossips and introducing your daughter to mine. They have become great friends. You are a sister to me and I appreciate all that you do.

JS- Thank you for for becoming my friend when we both thought it was so much less and didn't expect anything to come from it.. We have great conversations. I enjoy your different yet similar views on life. You make me laugh, keep me thinking, and it's fun to listen to you sing while you play guitar.

RC- You came into my life for a reason, to show me love, even if only for a season, and heart ache (you were the Karma that knocked me down as low as I could go). Through all that I still love you and you will always be in my heart... for a lifetime.

VV- Thank you fro being my twin. Thank you for being a great sister and my best kidnapper when I needed it. I love our conversations, they always make me laugh. You keep me in good spirits.


To you all, Thank you for being there when I needed you most. Even if it was the wrong time, the wrong reason, or just doing wrong. You have made my life worth living.

Something I always think "WHAT IF" about.

I had a tubal ligation when I was 23. I don't think it was a mistake, at the time it was the right thing to do in my situation. I had three high risk pregnancies and risking my life or a babies was not what i wanted.  Looking back I wonder if there was an alternative. I had tried a variety of birth control with some unfortunate reactions. the father of my two youngest children refused to use condoms, pull out, abstain or get clipped himself. So I chose to do what was best for me and my children. Now, I think I was selfish for having the surgery, I didn't have all the facts and was told by 2 out of 3 Doctors to NOT do it. Yes Doctor #3 was more than willing to do the surgery.
I also feel my decision to have the tubal ligation 12 years ago is the reason for the end of my last relationship. Though he says it is not the case. I feel that my inability to have children damaged our relationship. Yes he knew that I was unable to have children, but I selfishly pursued and became engaged to a man who wanted children, knowing I could not give him what he wanted. It was and still is a battle within my heart.

10 things about me people don't really expect.

I'll find a way to disappoint you :)

1. I'm lazy- Though I would rather lie in bed all day watching movies and getting fat, I don't because I'm a mother and I want a better life than we have now. I try to get some lazy time in any chance i get.

Which is why....

2. 1/2 the people I know don't expect me to know anything- Yeah they think I'm as smart as a fictitious dumb blonde.

3. 1/2 the people I know don't expect me to do anything stupid- I don't know as much as you think I know, but I'm not as dumb as that blonde in #2 .. Trust me, I've done stupid things more than I would like to admit.

4. Some people don't expect me to be a friendly person. I'm always being told that others (who don't know me) say I am stuck up or snobby. I try not to come off as that but if I don't know you why should I be all up in your face saying with a big smile. I'm nice and say hello, how are you or just smile.

5.People don't expect me to be polite or nice (goes with #4)- People assume that because I live in the projects that I have a "ghetto" attitude. I'm not 100% sure what  "ghetto" attitude is but I am sure if I need to show you one I can bring it. I can go on and on with this topic, but i'll be nice and leave it here.

6. Certain people don't expect me to finish school- Oh trust me honey I will graduate one day with my Masters. I guarantee that!

7. This goes with #6. Certain people don't expect me to have a career.- I will someday, haha It's harder these days to get a job. I have friends with their BS and that just got laid off and can't find work. It sucks. I promise you I will find one worth keeping.

8. Some people think I'm strong. They don't expect to see my weak side, ever. Those people are amazing and such good friends.

but....

9. When pushed just enough, you will see how strong, how evil, and how much I will fight for what I believe in. certain people don't expect me to fight back, but I will and then some.

10. Most people I know don't expect me to better myself at all. - Well I say FUCK YOU!

Something I can't seem to get over.

Day 21 of the blog challenge.

Not being able to cuddle I think is something hard to get over. It's been a while and though I have some great friends they can't do that. It's weird and my friends get the wrong idea. My days are fine, usually. It's when night falls and I want to watch a movie or just relax and have that intimate moment. It would be better with a person rather than my Dinos or Cow (No offense to my cuddle buddies).

Day 24: Song from soundtrack of your favorite movie

My favorite movie of all time, The Nightmare Before Christmas. I watch it year round and can't get enough of it. Song is This is Halloween.

Song Challenge days 22 & 23

Day 22: Listen to a song somebody under the age of 10 recommends:

Justin Beiber: Boyfriend. I can't say I'm a fan, but I do respect him & his work. This performance at the Billboard Awards was pretty good. This is also the song my mini me is dancing to with her Hip Hop Dance class. What got me liking any of his songs is when i saw the Jollibee dancing video. Now every time I hear Baby I imagine the Jollibee Mascot dancing.

GO JOLLIBEE GO GO !!

Day 23: Listen to a song somebody over the age of 50 recommends:

Brand new key, pair of roller skates by Melanie. I chose this video cause I love the fact it is a home made music video from the 70s.

Day 21: Share a video/song on Facebook.

i chose the Piano Guys. If you haven't listened to their awesome versions of songs then you are seriously missing out. I hope they do Lord of the Rings soon.

thepianoguys.com

The last argument i had

30 day blog challenge Day 20: The last argument you had.

well.... uhm... I think it was... no... hhmmm ...

It took me a minute to think about the last argument. I think the only arguing going on lately is with the kids. Mostly to get their chores and homework done. The LAST one we had was about them two arguing to much. yes we argued about arguing. My children like most people insist on having the last word. So most of their fights/ arguments are really the last word. It's really frustrating when i tell them all they have to do is stop and walk away, but I hear "well he/she doesn't stop". The weird thing is, they only argue when I'm around. at first I thought it was for attention, but now I'm not so sure.

Day 20 Song Challenge: The 3 Second Rule

Song Challenge of the day is recommending a horrible song to someone i like: I chose this awful song called 3 second rule. It really really sucks.

Beautifully Ironic by: Ricky Mena

Ricky Mena has done it again. A new song posted today. It's a beautiful song that will hit you to the core. This one seriously needs to be on the radio NOW! It's just that great.

Go LIKE Ricky on Facebook at www.facebook.com/RickyMenaMusic
You can also find him at www.reverbnation.com/RickyMena

Enjoy and have a blessed evening

Day 19 of challenges

It's 12:30 am and I can't sleep.

Song Challenge: Recommend a great song to someone you hate. 

Yeah well I don't really HATE anyone. There are people out there I dislike, but not HATE. Hate is such a harsh word. I am trying to better myself as a person and hating others will not help me on that journey.So my song choice will be Good Morning, because It's morning and I know I have haters, no matter what though I will not lower myself to their level. I LOVE YOU Haters.

Blog Challenge: Something that never fails to make you feel better.

Oh that is so easy. Just look above. MUSIC always makes me feel better. When I'm angry i listen to song that make me want to scream and a sing along. When I'm sad or happy I listen to happy pop songs and by the end of the 3rd song I am all good. When i want a good cry I listen to sad love songs or break up songs. When I want to relax I listen to classical or opera. Music makes everything better.

30 Day Blog Challenge Days 14-18

Day 14- Something disgusting you do.
Do you really want to know this? No I don't think you do. Well I have this THING about paying close attention to my menstrual cycle. So close i take note of the bloods consistency, clotting, color, odor, and frequency of changing products. I do this because I have had serious health problems due to an odd cycle. So i keep track of every detail so I can discuss any changes or issues with my doctor. I used to write all the info down on a calendar, then i switched to google/yahoo calendar and now I have an app on my phone. I even keep track of when I take my pill and have sex (including masturbation). Sex and/or masturbation can help with menstrual problems. The pill has also helped me in a big way.  The app I use is called  ovuview. You can get it for Google or Android.

Day 15- The best thing to happen to you this week.
Hhmmm The best thing was I got a lot more done than I thought I would. Did some tossing out of crap I don't need. Took apart some furniture and all I have left to do is move the desk upstairs. I also got some pictures of a handsome guy sent to me in a text. Those made my week for sure. Though I will not share them with you and they are not even nude. Just my guy friend looking for a new pair of glasses and asking for my opinion.  Besides that my week was the usual.

Day 16- 3 things you are proud of about your personality.
#1~ My weirdness. I love being unusual and odd. It's fun and keeps people on their toes
#2~ Friendliness. I can talk to just about anyone and carry a pretty damn good conversation too. I love to meet new people, but i put myself in danger by talking to strangers. I'm surprised I was never kidnapped as a child.
#3~ Openness. This too can be dangerous for me. I have a boundary issue (meaning I have none) and am willing to talk about almost anything. So people try to take advantage of me or think I'm a horrible person because i am not afraid to speak my mind.
If you combine all this, you get trouble. haha just kidding I'm not that bad.

Day 17- Things that make you scared.
Clowns terrify me. I don't really know why but they do. There is something about them that makes me cringe. It was so hard to find a clown pic to use for this blog. I actually started getting ill and thought i was going to have a panic attack. I am also scared of the unknown (as in noises). I hate when things go bump in the night because then I can't sleep and every little noise freaks me out. That's all I'm telling you.

Day 18- Disrespecting parents.
This one is complicated. If you really think about it every generation was considered to have kids that were disrespectful to their parents and/or elders. Every generation swears their kids were worse. i would like to say kids these days are the worst, but i think society as a whole has become disrespectful. Everyone expects it but doesn't want to gibe it. Respect is earned and you earn it by being an example on how to be respectful.

30 day Song Challenge Days 14-18

Day 14- Watch music video that came out the year you were born. 

Elton John is AWESOME!

Day 15- Create an idea for a music video for your favorite song.

I have no idea how to create an idea for a music video. i swear all my creative energy was sucked out of me by my mini me when I was making her, molding her into a mini human. She absorbed my artistic youth while she grew in my belly.

Day 16- Listen to a mash-up of two songs you never heard of.

I love Bollywood!!

Day 17- Listen to any song.

Arden Cho has a lovely voice. Please follow her HERE on youtube

Day 18- Try to go all day without hearing any music. 

I didn't even try. My ringtone is a weird beeping noise and I didn't really have time to listen to the radio or Itunes. So woo hoo.  I even sorta cheated and had all the songs above picked out last week so all I would have to do is post them. Aww yeah I win!! hahahaha

A date I would love to go on.

Todays Challenge is: A date you would love to go on.

I guess I should break this down to 3 different kind of dates I like. I don't know how to explain dates.

Photo from a contest in National Geographic.

 Date #1: The Sunset walk on the beach.

I would love to just walk on the beach and chat with the person I am with. We would have a nice picnic dinner to enjoy, something I made at home. I love the beach and I miss it, I don't care if it's cold in the evenings. I have never had a date like this though. I've always gone alone or with my kids. 

How to plan and pack a picnic

Date #2: The picnic/ music in the park.

So pretty much the same as the beach. A nice picnic with food I made at home or some Togos mmm. We can just sit and talk, walk around, if there are swings I'm getting on. Plus I love music, so if there is a festival or event in a park. That's where I want to go.  I went last summer to the Phono Del Sol Festival with a friend and I had a great time.  

Date #3: The Movies

Now this date I have been on many times. Ryan and I would go to dinner and a movie a lot when we were together. Wait... we still go to dinner and a movie. We're not dating though, we are just good friends. Ryan and I saw The Raven last time I was in San Francisco. I love to watch movies, I have movie marathons at home all the time. It's even better when you have someone to watch them with, then go out to eat and discuss the movie. It helps the conversation get going. Some people like to eat before and that's fine to, as long as I get to eat. 

As you can see I love to eat and talk, so there has to be plenty of both on a date with me. Most would say I am a cheap date, or selling myself short. I'm not saying I won't go on a fancy date, I just like a more relaxed environment. Plus I have yet to meet a man who thinks I'm worth all that trouble. I would love to go to the Opera or a play, but those are super expensive and I don't know any guy who thinks I'm worth all that money and trouble. OH WELL, life goes on.

P.S. I just realized that everything I do that's fun is with Ryan. I need new friends.

Day 13: Watch a music video for one of your favorite songs.

Charlotte Church- Call My Name.  Yeah you remember her, she used to sing Opera/ Classical style music. Now she's a pop star. I guess. I still love her though.

Things I want to say to an ex

Day 12 of the Blog Challenge:

1:36 am - I don't know what to say to you right now.

It's 8:27 pm and I still not sure what to say. Mostly because I feel I have already said it in letters, emails, notes, postcards, and journals. I feel like i am bashing your head in with my feelings. All i know right now is that i am  thankful for the time I had with you and that we are still friends. I wish for you happiness and love beyond anything i could  have ever given you. You deserve far better than you let yourself have. i wish you would stop the self hate and insecurities. You are a great man, you just need to believe it.

Though sometimes I wonder if it's an act just to see what i will say or do. You like doing that to me, seeing what reaction you can get.  But, I don't really think it is... LOVE yourself, and I know you will find love, you are worth it, and deserve it. I hope you find a nice girl, get married and have babies soon. I think that's what you are looking for, what you want. Even if  you won't tell me. It's okay, I just want to see you happy.  For now I will leave it here. You know all the things I have said before. Maybe someday i will revise this, maybe I wont.

and now i wait for the text about this blog. I know its coming, *sigh*

Day 12: Favorite Show: Cheers

Todays Song Challenge is to listen to a song from my favorite tv show.

I used to watch Cheers, Mama's Family, The Golden Girls and The Wonder Years when i was growing up. I don't watch tv much now. I don't even know what shows are on. I was watching Bones, House, Ghost Whisperer, and Numb3rs for a while. Are they still on?

Day 10 Song Challenge

Listen to a song  from your childhood.

A classic and still one of my faves.

Day 11: Relationships.

Today's challenge is: My current relationship, if single discuss how single life is. 

Yeah I sleep around, even upside down, or on the floor :)  

This is were I am supposed to cry about how I HATE being single and I am so jealous of all the "pretty" girls who have boyfriends.  Bitch about all the exs who did me wrong and say how I hate men. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!
Yes I am single, I have been single for about one year and nine months. I even celebrate the anniversary of the day I was dumped by getting drunk, eating way too much junk food and crying. Just kidding, I only did that a few times. I believe I've said it before, but this is the longest i have ever been single. I used to be a serial dater, I had a new boyfriend pretty quick after a break up. Yeah i know I'm pitiful, we'll all get over it eventually. I used to think being single was a curse and if i was single no one loved me. Now... I don't care cause no one loves me anyway. All that matters is that I love myself. There are days i don't like myself, but i still love me.
The hardest part about being single is my guy friends. Having a single female friend does not mean she will be more than happy to fuck you. Well i guess I can only speak for myself. I'm tired of being called a Bitch or stuck up because I won't put out. You'll just have to go rub one out cause I'm not to blame for your blue balls. Besides the douche friends it's not too bad being single, though I do miss cuddling and making out. Yeah, yeah I like kissing. I miss having movie dates. I miss regular sex sessions, masturbation just isn't the same. My ex and I still fool around (his words) from time to time. I also had something going on with a friend, but that is done and I think he has a girlfriend now. None of it was on a regular though. Oh well, I'll just cuddle with Ralph and watch movies alone at home.
I feel that there is a grass is always greener thought whether you are single or in a relationship. You miss certain things from each lifestyle, so you have to find a happy medium whether you are in a relationship or not. I'm in no rush to be in a relationship, and i have this anti-marriage thought in my head a lot now. Soon I know it will become an anti-relationship thought. I made a promise and some serious relationship goals when I was 25. My deadline was my 35th birthday and that is 50 days away. I didn't accomplish what I wanted, almost, but almost doesn't count.  Should I keep my promise to myself on my 35th birthday?

Here's Ralph, waiting for me to get in bed. LOL 

P.S. I wonder how many people took that first photo the wrong way... Ha

Song Challenge Day 10: Favorite Genre

I have more than one favorite so I will pick a song from each.

Rock/metal/Nu metal (whatever you want to call it)

Limp Bizkits Gold Cobra Album happens to be one of my favorite. Then again I haven't heard a song from them I don't like. Plus Fred Durst is so sexy. I would love to spend a day with him :)

Rap

Tupac was a great rapper, business man, and philosopher. R.I.P. 

80's

Madonna was a huge influence on me growing up. Her ' I don't give a fuck what others think' attitude help mold me into the crazy chick I am today. 

Day 10 Blog Challenge: My views on drugs and alcohol.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 10: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

I have what i consider mixed or biased views on this topic. To start I will give you a small history of my experience. My children's biological father is a meth addict. He has been in and out of rehab many times.  I myself started drinking alcohol when i was 25, I had a drink once or twice before that, but had not gotten drunk. I have tried weed, all it did was make me hungry and tired. I drink occasionally and not every time do I get drunk. I am having rum and coke as I type this, and I have already had 2 beers.

My views on drugs and alcohol are complicated. For a long time I felt that drugs is drugs and its all bad. It's not like that anymore. Today I believe that in moderation you can have a drink or two and still have a good time. I for example have a one drink limit when I go out but, if I am at home I will allow myself to have more. I do not drive so I don't have to worry about drinking and driving for myself. This is where it gets complicated. In my opinion if someone is arrested for a DUI or DWI that person should lose their drivers license for one year and have to do a program. If that person is arrested again for a DUI or DWI then that person should lose their drivers license permanently and have to participate in an out patient rehab program. If this person is arrested again for the same thing then they get jail time based on the blood alcohol level. YES I know its different for everyone, but these people are CHOOSING to drive under the influence KNOWING that they are raising their chances of killing someone while they drive. Driving is dangerous, but under the influence in my opinion is the same as intent to harm, maim or kill someone. Like I said, this in my opinion.
Marijuana I believe should be legalized. It is a natural substance that anyone can grow. It has health benefits and has helped many people deal with pain during cancer treatments. In my opinion it is no different than cigarettes. If we can buy tobacco (a natural substance) then we should be able to buy marijuana as well. I don't want to talk to much about this topic now, maybe I'll write about it another time.
Hard/street drugs I think should be illegal and selling/ distributing it should have longer jail time. We as a nation need to step up and make a program to help addicts and stop dealers. Anyone caught selling to miners should get longer time in jail. Again, this is my opinion. I understand our prisons are over crowded and need funding. Some people are in prison for having drugs that were for personal use, put them in rehab instead, get them HELP! Make marijuana legal and that will reduce some of the overcrowding.

I wish I knew so much more about how the system worked when it comes to drugs and alcohol. I wish there was more we can do as a community to help addicts and the families who are torn apart from it. It's not fun watching people destroy themselves with addiction. It's hard to watch kids grow up thinking it's okay to be that way. I have been fortunate in that my children don't fall to peer pressure and refuse to have anything to do with drugs and alcohol. For now anyway and I hope it stays that way.

Music Challenge Day 9: SHOUT OUTS INSTEAD!

30 day music challenge day 9: Listen to a song from a genre you hate. 

I cannot think of a genre that I HATE. So instead of playing music i'm supposed to hate, I will share some songs that I like from a few local musicians.





Song #1 J-Ward (from Many Different Concepts) - No Vacancies

You can find music from Many Different Concepts HERE and go LIKE J-Wards page on Facebook.


Song #2 DEADDOWNHERE - There's Science in the Escape

DEADDOWNHERE is a project between Dan Ciuffini & Josh Stirling (aka Dirty Red)
You can find more music by Josh Stirling (aka Dirty Red) HERE & you can LIKE his page on Facebook.

Song #3 Ricky Mena - Laser Lights

I know I just blogged about this guy Ricky Mena but I love this song. Go LIKE his page on Facebook.

I guess that is all for now....Maybe I'll post pics of tits & ass later. haha Good evening kids.

xoxo,

Mizz Lisa

Kiss kiss

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 9: Your last Kiss
My last kiss, well that was with Ryan and that is all I'm going to say. I'm not going into details or anything so you'll just have to deal with it.

Here are some random facts about kissing:
1. The science of kissing is called Philematology.
2. Lips are far more sensitive than the genitals.
3. French kissing uses all 34 muscles in the face.
4. Passionate kissing burns 6.4 calories per minute.
5. It is possible for women to reach orgasm through kissing.
These fun facts are brought to you by randomhistory.com

I don't know about you but, I love kissing. To be honest I AM one of the women that can have an orgasm from kissing. IF the person I am kissing knows what they are doing obviously. We all hate bad kissers and we all have our preferences on how to kiss. Is bad kissing a deal breaker? Have you dumped or decided not to date someone because they can't kiss? I have, cause I'm mean like that.Okay okay, It was only once and in high school. I forgot his name. I just won't kiss the person or try to get out of it as fast as I can. I'm sorry but it's a total turn off if you suck at kissing. Something I have noticed in the last few years is that people don't kiss as much anymore. What are you afraid of? That you suck??? Cause you probably do. So get some practice... Go out and kiss someone!

What is your favorite way to kiss?

Two girls kissing and some boobs in the background YAY!

Lovely Breasts...

I'm on a breast search right now. I can't stop looking at breasts. I don't know why I have this desire to stare at them tonight. So I thought I would share some I like. The last ones are mine (not bare) I got a sunburn yesterday and now I will have to tan to even it out cause it looks stupid. i also need to tone up a bit, cause i don't like how the bikini top fits. Oh well, I'll have to deal with it for now. ENJOY

I want that sweater. 

very nice

:)

lovely

I think these come closest to what mine look like :)

These are mine. I got sunburned :(

Show some love for Ricky Mena

Ricky Mena is an artist from Pittsburg CA. Many of you know I am a huge supporter of local and unsigned musicians. This guy Ricky is one that deserves to be signed by a major company. His music speaks from the heart and he isn't one of those wanna be thugs. He keeps it real. Check out his Youtube Channel (some funny videos in there too) and Ricky also has a ReverbNation account as well. Go show this man and his music some love.

Oh Yeah and go LIKE him on Facebook at Ricky Mena Music

Much Love & Respect,

Mizz Lisa

30 day Song Challenge: My Parents suggest....

30 Day Song Challenge: Day 8: A song your parents/guardian suggested.

This was the first CD I ever got. Yes my parents bought this for me when I was 15. Thanks mom & dad.

Shout out to Worldwide Graffiti and some Boobs

One of the amazing pieces of art on WORLWIDE GRAFFITI

If you have a Facebook, which most people do these days, Please go check out and LIKE WORLDWIDE GRAFFITI. It's an amazing page that share some of the worlds greatest graffiti art. Yes I understand graffiti is considered illegal but, how do we know if all graffiti is? In some parts of the world it's called spray can art and that is when an artist is commissioned to make "graffiti" or spray can art. Who's to say that some graffiti we see is illegal or not. To me it's all beautiful work. What I hate though is that awful craptastic tagging kids and uncreative people do. Now that to me is illegal and disrespects graffiti art. Now go check out this page on Facebook.

and now for some boobs.

Larissa Riquelme

You are welcome. Have a great day!

30 Day Blog Challenge: Something I am worrying about.

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 8: Something I am worrying about.

 Jobs... I am having a hard time finding work and so are many of my friends. We all have different skills, some of my friends have degrees and yet we cannot find work. I don't get it. I was told you are more employable when you are employed. If you have been out of work for more than 6 months it gets harder to find work. More than 2 years out of work and well you'll probably never find a job. All these places are hiring but are passing up people who are willing all because they have been out of work for too long.
 There are some classes I would like to take to improve my skills and I would get certified. Sounds great, right? Well it's expensive and there are no grants to help pay for it. It's not through the local community college its one of those small private city schools. I am thinking about going back to LMC for now and take some Business Administration classes (close to what I want) to get me started. I just don't know if i can afford the books and supplies. I exhausted all educational funds from when I was going to school a few years back. I need to figure something out. I am also looking for volunteer work at the moment to keep me busy and hopefully employable.

What have I become?

Envy: A feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions.

Self Loathing: Refers to an extreme dislike or hatred of oneself, or being angry at or even prejudiced towards oneself.

What has become of me? Why have I reverted back to my old childish self? I am fighting these feelings of envy and insecurities. Yet, I fear they are winning and will take over my life. In the past 6 months or so I have become envious of many things, mostly sill things such as the way other females look. Why have I lowered myself to this horrible self loathing, angry person. I don't know if it's because I am stuck in a rut right now in my life or because i am single and starting to become very lonely. Maybe it's a little of both. I tell my friends and even strangers on the internet to love themselves as they are. That there is nothing wrong with them and they are wonderful. I am such a hypocrite! As I sit here trying to make everyone else feel better about themselves i am hating myself for not being them. I am not out seeking attention or a relationship. I don't fish for compliments and  for a long time I have been happy with the way I am. So why now do i want to break down and pick apart every little piece of me. In December I had a few good days where everything felt right. It quickly went away and the darkness set in once again.
I can't get it through my head that i don't need to be like this. As I sit here and type this I know it's crazy and I should stop. I can't, or at least don't know how. I go through this vicious cycle that is eating away and my being, eating my soul little by little. Envy- anger- self hate- disgust- anger- sadness- self hate etc... It just keeps going. How long can a person keep this up before they go insane or worse? I've always had depression and i have Borderline Personality Disorder. This time around it's something more, something far worse then anything i have ever had. I want to just hide in my home and hope it goes away. I feel like I am split in two. This fake being for the public and then this withered up hollow creature in the dark. If you knew the things I say and do to myself you would never speak to me again or maybe have me committed. I don't know. I'm tired, of everything. I want to give up, but I have children to take care of so it's not an option.
I am not asking for help. I am not asking for you to feel sorry for me. i am just venting and letting this out. Writing in a paper journal isn't helping the way I thought it would. All the angry things I say in those journals, if i said what I write to myself to other people I would probably be in jail or dead.

I am tired and need to sleep.

30 Day Blog & Music Challenge: Day 7

Music Challenge for today was to listen to a song suggest by someone named Ashley. I don't know anyone by that name so I will skip a song for today. Now on to the blog challenge

30 Day Blog Challenge: Your opinion on cheating on people.

Cheat- to defraud, deceive and/or deprive another of ....

Of what? Love, hope, faithfulness, honesty? How about all of the above and maybe more. The dictionaries say sexually unfaithful, but what about emotionally? I believe cheating is wrong, no matter what excuses you make. With a variety of relationships to choose from these days; people really need to set boundaries and rules when establishing a new relationship. You cant just assume that the one you want to date has the same values or beliefs as you do. Not everyone views cheating the same. My view is If we are in an exclusive relationship then anything you do with another female without my knowledge is cheating. This is sexting, sending or receiving sexual photos (email or phone, nude/semi-nude included) You need to share that shit, I like to look at titties too, I don't care if she's your friend with a husband and kids. If you go out on dates even with a friend (if you can't tell me that you are going out to eat or a movie with a friend then you have issues and are untrustworthy). To really be 100% honest my only 3 rules are be HONEST/OPEN , treat me BETTER than your female friends, and NO SEX with anyone else, unless we are in an alternative relationship and rules are set about other people. You can tell me about the fun you had with a female friend and how you guys went to the movies and had a great lunch. That is fabulous! But for some reason people hide stupid shit like that and then you wonder why people get jealous? You caused the jealousy in the first place. You are complimenting your female friend more/better than your girlfriend (cause you assume the GF "knows" what you think of her). It's nice to get compliments, flowers, gifts and surprises to remind us that you do care. If we treat each other as if we just met through the whole relationship, then there would be no desire for cheating. Keep it fresh people. Sadly some people get too relaxed or bored, relationships get stale, then they meet someone they think might be better. Then there are the people who always think the grass is greener on the other side or looking for the bigger,better, deal.

This may explain why I'm not dating at the moment. Apparently I'm too closed minded.

P.S. Yes you can go on a date with a friend and it means nothing more than spending time with that friend. There are more than one kind of date.

Day 6: the person I like and why

30 Day Blog Challenge Day 6: The person you like and why you like them.

I am guessing the Challenge writer is talking about some I would have a crush on or like for more than a friend. Well I don't really like anyone at the moment and when I do I won't tell anyone. I have made a rule for myself. I will not allow myself to show any interest beyond friendship to anyone. That I need not allow my emotions to rule my actions. I'm still working on it. I think having a little crush is okay, it's easy to snap out of those, but no lovey dovey shit. That's when people get hurt, mostly me. So, it's not allowed.

Day 6: A song by an artist that shares my name

30 Day Song Challenge Day 6: Listen to a song/cover song by an artist that shares your name: Lisa Loeb- Stay (I missed you). I remember this song well. I used to sing it all the time. This song is somewhat fitting at the moment. She is a great artist and I'm not sure what happened to her. I think she was on a TV show for a while. I guess I should look her up.

5 things that irritate me about the opposite sex/same sex

30 day blog challenge day 5:  5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex.


MEN:
1. Shaving- It's acceptable for them to grow hair anywhere on their bodies and yet they shave it all the way off. WHY? Just trim damn it. I don't want to rub up on a prickly body that shit hurts.

2. The Sexist Pig- There's men who know how to joke around and say stupid things towards female friends (it can be funny ladies don't take everything to heart) and then there are the men who mean every word that comes out of their mouths. These guys were raised by other pigs or hurt by some c*nt and now their mad at all the other girls. STOP BEING INSECURE.

3 The Mommas Boy- Stop letting your mother meddle in every detail of your life. Your mom doesn't need to do your laundry, cook your food, pick your girlfriend and support you. I know plenty of men who live with their mothers and can still maintain a separate life. So why do you mommas boys need your mother to decide for you?  Grow the fuck up!

4. Saggy Baggy Jeans- Guys that shit went out of style years ago. Plus you look stupid. Normally I say do what makes you happy but this wearing underwear-shorts/sweats-pants under your ass is really annoying. Do you realize that by the time you are 45 you will already need hip and knee replacement due to the way you walk now trying to keep your pants in the right spot? Buy pants that fit and a belt.

5. Insecure Men- It is not attractive at all. Please stop it. I don't want to hear "eww I look fat" or "do i look fat in this?" The worst 2 I have heard is: I think my dick is too small or I don't last that long in bed. BITCH PLEASE! There is nothing wrong with you. If I didn't like what you had to offer I wouldn't stick around. Girls say that mean shit to you cause they are EVIL & insecure. Be confident and you find a woman who loves you just the way you are.

WOMEN:
1.Insecure Women- Stop allowing society & other insecure people ruin your self esteem. I know it's hard sometimes. I used to be called fat, ugly, and stupid all the time. Now I don't care (and I'm 30 pounds heavier) I like myself enough to not worry about what other think of me.Yes there will be days when you feel like shit and hate yourself, but meditate, vent, eat chocolate, cry and/or watch a movie and let it go. Stop putting yourself down, Stop hating yourself, and Start loving yourself.  That doesn't mean become a C*nt (see #5)

2. Self Haters- These are the girls that judge themselves and others. These are the girls who gossip all the time and are two faced. These are the girls who are insecure and jealous about the silliest things. These are the girls we become when we lose ourselves. Don't be this girl.

3. The Follower- This is a girl who agrees to everything her friends say and can become The Roommate if you're not careful. This girl has a hard time making friends and becomes clingy, She's also a clingy girlfriend, so when she gets a man she'll disappear for a bit. Be ready when the boyfriend runs away because she'll need you to guide her. This bitch is creepy

4. The over/under dressed- When I go to the store I either see women running around in nasty old pajamas or dressed as if they are going to the club. You can look nice in a pair of jeans and a tee with some light make-up not a mask. This ain't cosmetology school or the circus please tone down your face. Please wear clothes that cover your ass. I dont need to see your crusty worn out thong. If half your ass is being squeezed and pushed out the top of your jeans then guess what? Your pants don't fit and I have to walk past your nasty ass to buy food. Not cool.

5. The C*nt- I hate this word with a passion. I think it is the most disrespectful thing you can call a woman. Sadly there are a few who deserve this title. Who are they you ask. They are the women above rolled into one. The all knowing, insecure, self hating, jealous, venom spewing, piece of shit. She is the Frienemy, she is the roommate, she is the one who may have more than two faces, she longs for your man, smiles in your face and then sabotages your life. She can be the neighborhood snitch/ whore/ gossip. Take your pick. This beast calls the kettle black, not realizing she is projecting her self hate on to everyone else. No matter what you say or do she will one up you, because she always has to be #1. Not realizing she is transparent and sad to look at. This woman ( I really hate to call her that) has been hurt to the point she has to hurt others to make herself feel better. What a Bully! Get over yourself chick and stop the hate!

From people of walmart

www.nytimes.com (2007)