The Single Life: Dating, Intimacy, and Sex or lack there of.

This beautiful art is by People Everyday At Deviant Art

I've been wanting to blog about my serious issue.  Okay, it's really not that serious, just to me it is.

I have been technically single for 3 years now.  I have dated, most did not make it past dates 1-3.  Sad, I know.  It's not that I am picky or anything.  I just know what I am looking for.  Now this isn't what I really want to write about, but it is connected.

My issue is intimacy and sex.  I can't tell you how jealous I am of everyone who is getting some right now. I can't remember the last time I was intimate with someone or even when I had sex last.  Masturbation does not count in my book.  I miss it, all of it.  The holding of hands, the hugs and kisses, and amazing sex.  Yes, I know I can easily call up one of my many guy friends and ask for a sexual favor.  Most would be at my door within minutes, but I don't want that.  For the first time in 3 years I actually want a relationship.  I want to have that one person I can go to for anything.  But no, I am sitting here in front of my laptop writing about it instead.

In the last year I had finally become comfortable with being single and being alone.  Masturbation had become a daily (sometimes up to 3x a day) routine.  I would go on dates here and there, but had no interest in becoming more.  So I quit going on dates.  I don't want to waste anyones time.  Nor do I want to lead anyone on giving them false hope that we may one day be together.  My biggest problem with dating was some men were in such a hurry to be in a relationship just so they could have sex.  I would say "I'm not ready for a relationship" their response " oh, okay well when you're ready let me know". DUDE! I just fucking met you, and you already annoy me.  Then there are the guys who are totally fine with me not being ready and have the nerve to say " well we could just hang out and have sex occasionally." Uhm how about NO!   YES, I'm just as sexually frustration as you are, but I will not settle for your sorry ass.  Okay, that was a bit mean, but I had so say it a few times.

I also don't like that masturbation has taken up a considerable amount of time in my day.  I can't tell you how much porn I've watched in the last few weeks alone.  My Tumblr follows are mostly some kind of porn or nudity.  Yes, I know I am a pervert.  Even Masturbation gets boring after a while, and porn, well it makes me more sexually frustrated than anything.  Like I said I could call a friend for help, but I don't want a friend with benefits, a booty call, or a fuck buddy.  I tried the friends with benefits.  It didn't work out.

Why the change of heart?  I have no idea really.  I've been thinking about it a lot and, if I know what I'm looking for in a significant other,  I have no problem starting a committed relationship with the person who best fits what I am looking for.  Right?  As I write this up and re-read it, I feel like I'm whining. Maybe I am.  My biggest worry is I will settle. I don't want to do that.  I will not settle.

P.S. I have a crush on someone I can't have.  This bring the frustration to a whole new level.  I say crush because I don't know him well enough to say it's more than that.  I also prayed for the first time in a long time last night.  Weird, right?

30 Day Blog & Music Challenge: Day 7

Music Challenge for today was to listen to a song suggest by someone named Ashley. I don't know anyone by that name so I will skip a song for today. Now on to the blog challenge

30 Day Blog Challenge: Your opinion on cheating on people.

Cheat- to defraud, deceive and/or deprive another of ....

Of what? Love, hope, faithfulness, honesty? How about all of the above and maybe more. The dictionaries say sexually unfaithful, but what about emotionally? I believe cheating is wrong, no matter what excuses you make. With a variety of relationships to choose from these days; people really need to set boundaries and rules when establishing a new relationship. You cant just assume that the one you want to date has the same values or beliefs as you do. Not everyone views cheating the same. My view is If we are in an exclusive relationship then anything you do with another female without my knowledge is cheating. This is sexting, sending or receiving sexual photos (email or phone, nude/semi-nude included) You need to share that shit, I like to look at titties too, I don't care if she's your friend with a husband and kids. If you go out on dates even with a friend (if you can't tell me that you are going out to eat or a movie with a friend then you have issues and are untrustworthy). To really be 100% honest my only 3 rules are be HONEST/OPEN , treat me BETTER than your female friends, and NO SEX with anyone else, unless we are in an alternative relationship and rules are set about other people. You can tell me about the fun you had with a female friend and how you guys went to the movies and had a great lunch. That is fabulous! But for some reason people hide stupid shit like that and then you wonder why people get jealous? You caused the jealousy in the first place. You are complimenting your female friend more/better than your girlfriend (cause you assume the GF "knows" what you think of her). It's nice to get compliments, flowers, gifts and surprises to remind us that you do care. If we treat each other as if we just met through the whole relationship, then there would be no desire for cheating. Keep it fresh people. Sadly some people get too relaxed or bored, relationships get stale, then they meet someone they think might be better. Then there are the people who always think the grass is greener on the other side or looking for the bigger,better, deal.

This may explain why I'm not dating at the moment. Apparently I'm too closed minded.

P.S. Yes you can go on a date with a friend and it means nothing more than spending time with that friend. There are more than one kind of date.

Blog Challenge day 2: How have you changed in the past 2 years?

 I feel the biggest change in my life in the last 2 years has been that I don't stress or worry as much as I used to. Don't get excited, I still have my freak out moments. I just don't have constant worry. I have been slowly letting go of the silly little things that bother me and trying to go with the flow of life. I have also noticed I have become comfortable being single. This is the longest I have been without a significant other. I guess you can say I used to be a serial dater. Going from one relationship to another. I hated being alone and I feared it so much. I have learned to enjoy my alone time and to make the most of it. I have also learned to not always be in such a rush, with relationships and life. I'm okay with just having friends and no love interests.  I take my time getting to know people and I don't put my whole life out in the open right away. I also like to just quietly people watch. I go for walks more and take myself out on dates. I feel being comfortable being alone is a huge step for me. I did try to date but I wasn't really into it. I wasn't ready to be in a relationship and most dates were, so obviously I was dating for the wrong reasons (to meet new people and hang out). One guy slapped me across the face and asked what jerk made me the bitch I am. I guess I'm a bitch for not wanting more than friendship, HA. Some days it sucks being single cause I want to cuddle, hold hands, and all that mushy stuff, but I don't have someone. That's okay though, because I have my stuffed cow Ralph to cuddle, plus a vibrator & a dildo to take care of my urges (but the vibrator has a crack in it cause I dropped it). Yeah i can't have all the mushy stuff, but oh well, that's life. Hopefully all those feelings and urges will go away and I won't think about it anymore.