I had been working on blogs to post this past week. I even posted on Facebook that they would be up before and on Halloween. Well, that didn't happen. Tuesday the 30th I had a horrible migraine. I just barely functioned through the day. I kept the house dark with only the computer screen and stove light on. I had a hard time sleeping that night, and by the time I fell deep asleep it had to be around 6:30 am.
I woke up around 10am Halloween, and supposedly missed out on some excitement in the neighborhood. I cannot go into detail, but it is very serious. This is only a small part of the situation. More crazy things happened since that "excitement" and I had to call Police for help. I am okay and the other people involved are also okay. It was a scary situation, but things will get better. Though I am proud to be open about my life. This blog and my social networking sites may be the excuse used to discredit me. But, go ahead, I am an adult and I can do what I like as long as I am not hurting anyone or doing anything illegal. I am voicing my opinion and sharing my life with the world. I am mentally preparing myself for the possibilities of what may come. I am tracing my steps online and doing searches on myself. I will not delete anything because that will make it seem as if I have something to hide. Which I do not. I have a feeling the situation will get very ugly before things get better. So I am trying to prepare myself the best I can emotionally for possible future whatever. Hopefully this situation does not actually involve me and I can easily move on.
This incident has brought me to a place that I do not like. I am becoming fearful again and even a little paranoid. I don't know who I can trust. I am now wondering if I should become more private. I can keep blogging and doing social networking, but I will refrain from discussing many topics and not really being myself. I may just refrain from using any social networking for a while. Being open on just about everything and anything can make you a target. A target for judgement, bullying, and harrassment. There is a reason why you don't give out to much info about yourself. Though I dont give out my address and other private information, I do let people know my opinions and what kind of lifestyle I lead. I'm not sure yet if my online behavior has made this situation worse. I wish i could just openly tell you what has been going on, but at this moment i am not sure I can give you more than i already have.
A part of me wants to return to that protective crab shell and be forgotten. Then a part of me whats to keep being my crazy self and not worrying about it. If I hide away, doesn't that mean they win? I don't want them to win anything. So what do I do? Hide away, keep being open, or find some kind of middle ground? Is there a middle ground? I really don't know at this time. I have so many thoughts running through my head. I can't think straight right now. So for now I will keep to myself and hide away in my shell. I'll try to find other things to blog about to keep my mind off the situaton.
