Weekend Half Rant

It's Friday! YAY!  Just kidding.  I am doing what I do every weekend... NOTHING!  I live a boring life.

I am supposed to go to this breakfast with my walking buddies, but I am going to try to get out of it.  I do not want to go and I don't want to make a vision board.  Well not with them.  They are nice ladies, but too "Christian" for me to handle.  I wouldn't be able to make my vision board the way I want.  I can't talk about what I want.  I have to tone down my talks and behavior while I'm with them.  I may go anyway.  UGH.. I don't wanna.... whine, whine, whine.

Hailey's birthday is Sunday, she will be 13! YAY!  Samantha is going to her birthday party.  If you don't know who Hailey is, well we met her three years ago when her and Samantha became team mates at Delta Bowl.  Yep, the girls have been bowling in a league for three years together on Fridays.  I love Hailey as my own daughter.  Her father is kinda cute too.  When I signed her birthday card today I wrote "not your real mom" under my name.  It's a little joke between us.  At least she doesn't call me "The other mother"  because I'm not evil.  I could be though *evil laugh*.

Happy birthday, Loves you

While Samantha is out having birthday fun with her sister, I will clean house or something.  Samantha's friend rebecca wants to come over, but i am not in the mood for more kids and I am still waiting for a woman to come by and pick up the desk she wanted to buy.  I need to get this crap out of my living room.  It looks like a yard sale.  

I will for sure do some more research for next weeks Sex Talk.  I hope you guys and gals are enjoying those.  I have already pissed off a few people, lets see how many more feathers I can ruffle.   

Well I guess that's it for now.  I have to finish making dinner so I can go for my walk with the Christian girls.  Good night and wet dreams loves. XOXO

Wish List Wednesday

I think I want to bring this back.  I miss telling you all about the weird and lovely things I wish I owned.  I usually post photos with them, but not today. I'm lazy.

Lets get started shall we.

First:  I want the Leaf Bloom Rechargable Massager $140
Wait a sec... $140.00?  Holy moose knuckle!  Oh but it's flexible, has two usable ends, discreet and well, it's super cute.  I really want it!



Second: How about the Icicles No. 24
It goes for a nice $69.95.. ooohhh I just want it because it looks cool.  Something out of an hentai.  Not to mention it is glass and I  have always wanted a glass dildo.



Okay last one: How about something cute to wear 2Pc Hollywood Chemise Set
Cute, right? For $32.95? not bad.

Something Different.

Damn, I forgot were I got this pic. 

I've been staring at my blog trying to figure out what is missing.  It needs something different, something to make it ... ME.  Yes?  Shit I have no idea.

Why can't I just be happy with what I have right now?  I always have to change it up.  I'm never satisfied.  Such is the life of a woman. HA


248

Friday Night Blues

How about just some wine, or whiskey, whiskey sounds great. 

I was going to write about a recent situation, but I am not feeling up to putting it into words at this moment.

My daughter has some friends over tonight for a Horror Movie Marathon.  So far all I have seen them watch is David So and some random videos on Youtube.  So much for horror movies.  So I sit here at the laptop with headphones on trying to drown out the laughter and teen fun.

I feel left out of the fun in a way.  More of an "I wish I had some company for me."  The one who I would like to be here doesn't want to be.  Most of my friends are busy, want to go out and drink,  or the people who I would like to see don't want to see me.  So I sit here on my own with the laughter of teens  in the other room.  Yes, I guess you can say I am whining and No, I don't want cheese with it.

I don't like feeling lonely, no one does really.  It sucks, but it's my own fault I'm in this position.  I guess it's what I deserve.  Karma kicked my ass this week and a lesson was learned and boy did it hurt.

So all I have to say at this moment is    248

The Single Life: Dating, Intimacy, and Sex or lack there of.

This beautiful art is by People Everyday At Deviant Art

I've been wanting to blog about my serious issue.  Okay, it's really not that serious, just to me it is.

I have been technically single for 3 years now.  I have dated, most did not make it past dates 1-3.  Sad, I know.  It's not that I am picky or anything.  I just know what I am looking for.  Now this isn't what I really want to write about, but it is connected.

My issue is intimacy and sex.  I can't tell you how jealous I am of everyone who is getting some right now. I can't remember the last time I was intimate with someone or even when I had sex last.  Masturbation does not count in my book.  I miss it, all of it.  The holding of hands, the hugs and kisses, and amazing sex.  Yes, I know I can easily call up one of my many guy friends and ask for a sexual favor.  Most would be at my door within minutes, but I don't want that.  For the first time in 3 years I actually want a relationship.  I want to have that one person I can go to for anything.  But no, I am sitting here in front of my laptop writing about it instead.

In the last year I had finally become comfortable with being single and being alone.  Masturbation had become a daily (sometimes up to 3x a day) routine.  I would go on dates here and there, but had no interest in becoming more.  So I quit going on dates.  I don't want to waste anyones time.  Nor do I want to lead anyone on giving them false hope that we may one day be together.  My biggest problem with dating was some men were in such a hurry to be in a relationship just so they could have sex.  I would say "I'm not ready for a relationship" their response " oh, okay well when you're ready let me know". DUDE! I just fucking met you, and you already annoy me.  Then there are the guys who are totally fine with me not being ready and have the nerve to say " well we could just hang out and have sex occasionally." Uhm how about NO!   YES, I'm just as sexually frustration as you are, but I will not settle for your sorry ass.  Okay, that was a bit mean, but I had so say it a few times.

I also don't like that masturbation has taken up a considerable amount of time in my day.  I can't tell you how much porn I've watched in the last few weeks alone.  My Tumblr follows are mostly some kind of porn or nudity.  Yes, I know I am a pervert.  Even Masturbation gets boring after a while, and porn, well it makes me more sexually frustrated than anything.  Like I said I could call a friend for help, but I don't want a friend with benefits, a booty call, or a fuck buddy.  I tried the friends with benefits.  It didn't work out.

Why the change of heart?  I have no idea really.  I've been thinking about it a lot and, if I know what I'm looking for in a significant other,  I have no problem starting a committed relationship with the person who best fits what I am looking for.  Right?  As I write this up and re-read it, I feel like I'm whining. Maybe I am.  My biggest worry is I will settle. I don't want to do that.  I will not settle.

P.S. I have a crush on someone I can't have.  This bring the frustration to a whole new level.  I say crush because I don't know him well enough to say it's more than that.  I also prayed for the first time in a long time last night.  Weird, right?

Flustered or something like that

flust·er

verb

past tense: flustered; past participle: flustered

1. Make (someone) agitated or confused.

"You need to be able to work under pressure and not get flustered"

synonyms:  unsettle, make nervous, unnerve, agitate, ruffle, upset, bother, put on edge, disquiet, disturb, worry, perturb, disconcert, confuse, throw off balance, confound

As I sit here today alone for the most part; I listen to Nero Radio and Luke Bryan Radio on Pandora. I am also searching through a variety of Tumblr porn while trying to think of what it is I want to write about.  I take that back; I know what I want to write about, I just can't get my thoughts onto the page.  I've been so flustered for most of the last 24 hours.  Trying to smooth out my ruffled feathers with music and porn has not worked.  It's a bit disappointing to know even porn can't bring my mood up.  I want to express how I feel and why I am feeling this way.  For some idiotic reason I can't get it out of my head.  Every time I attempt to type out my thoughts they come out all wrong and I start over.  So here I am now just typing how much I want to write about something completely different.  BOO to me!  

UGH! How do I get these emotions out of me?   

P.S. I am so sexually frustrated right now, I need to ____________. Yeah, That.