A Little Fun

Something random and fun for you to read.  I had this either on my old Myspace account or in my Facebook notes.  Well anyway, here is a little questionnaire.  Yeah, remember those? Haha Enjoy!

ONE.

Spell your name without vowels:  LS (aww I have no name now) 

TWO.

What is the date 2 days after your birthday?: July 3

 THREE.

How many pairs of jeans do you own: 4

FOUR.

What color(s) do you wear most?: Blue & Black

FIVE.

Least favorite color?: Mustard (yes that is a color)

SIX.

Last song u heard?: Breaking Your Own Heart by Kelly Clarkson

SEVEN.

What's for dinner tonite?: Cabbage soup & Senna tea

EIGHT.

Are you happy with your life right now?: I'm happy enough

NINE.

Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity: Yes, Pink.. though I disagree

TEN.

In what state or country do you want to go to school in?: California, Though it would be cool to go to college over seas. 

ELEVEN.

Do you shop at stores like hollister, abercrombie and fitch and aeropostel: HELL NO!

TWELVE.

How do you make money?: According to certain people I am a prostituting drug dealer.  How I make money is no ones business, nor is it any of my business how you make yours. 

THIRTEEN.

Last thing you bought over 50 dollars?: Video games for my kids

FOURTEEN.

When do you start Summer Break? UGH My kids get out in 2 1/2 weeks. It's not a break for me. 

 FIFTEEN.

Are you missing someone right now?: Always ;)

SIXTEEN.

One word to describe you: Tenacious

SEVENTEEN.

Favorite pair of shoes: None

EIGHTEEN.

Do you own big sunglasses?: No, well i don't think they are big :/

NINETEEN.

What would you rather be doing right now?: Masturbating

TWENTY.

What should you be doing right now?: Writing a real blog entry on my opinions on intimate relationships

Lent 19 & 20 of March: Food & Open House.

March 19, 2014

Okay, I'm supposed to be fasting.  Only fruit and veggies, right? Well I went for a walk/ hike with a friend and we went to Tailgaters afterward.  So, I had a yummy sandwich, onion rings and Arrogant Bastard again.  Yes Please and Thank You!  What?  oh I'm not supposed to have this because of Lent. YEAH SHUT UP!!!  I do what I want.

Mmmm Delicious!!!

Samantha had a doctors appointment at 6:45pm.  The doctor gave her new asthma medication, allergy meds and a long list for Lab in the morning.  Samantha may have depression and anxiety on top of food allergies.  The doctor has asked samantha to cut her milk intake in half and write in a journal every time she becomes ill or anxious for the next two weeks.  Samantha has another appointment on April 2nd, so we will learn then about the Lab results and if she can get the allergy testing done.

March 20, 2014

Samantha went in to Lab and had 6 vials of blood drawn. They were going to take 9 until the tech saw her walk in the room.  He decided to only take the 6, and good thing he did.  She became ill after the bloodwork.  They will be testing her for Celiac disease, lactose, thyroid and a few other things.

Tonight was open house for Dozier-Libbey Medical High School.  We wanted to see what is in store for samantha next year.  It was a long bus ride there and we didn't know how to get on campus at first.  Once we figured it out, I was super excited because there were lots of cows in the field next to the school.  Samantha kept telling me to calm down.  It was pretty funny.  We didn't stay long and only spoke to a few teachers.  We found out there is a Llama that hangs out with the cows, he is sort of the bodyguard for them.  On our way out, the sky looked awesome, this school has a beautiful view.

ooh pretty

Question: If you could spend one whole year doing anything you wanted, what would you do? 

Answer: I would travel. DUH!  I would love to visit Ireland, Italy, Japan and a variety of US cities.  I would pick 25 places to visit and stay for at least a week at each.  If I had the money of course. HA!

Lent March 17 & 18: Cabbage soup & Illness

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

I did nothing special today.  My kids don't like corned beef so I made cabbage soup instead.  love cabbage soup.  I use the recipe from cabbage-soup-diet.com, This site even has a nice diet plan. It works for me when I want to detox.  I won't eat the potatoes or meat until the last day though.

Samantha has not been feeling well and is home sleeping.  This kid keeps having health issues and I'm running out of options.  She'll be eating the cabbage soup and hoping to feel better. I seriously believe she has food allergies and had requested testing done, but it hasn't happened yet.


March 18, 2014

Happy Birthday to Shelby!
My oldest child is 19 today. YES 19, I can't believe that in two years she will be old enough to drink alcohol and go to bars. AAHHH!!  It is hard to believe and say that I have an adult child.  Ha ha adult child sounds funny to me.  I spoke to her on the phone and we talked about her homework.  She had to write a paper on Shakespeare.  Her father was ordering in and they were just going to hang out at home.  I forgot to ask her about graduation.  Poop!  Yep, she also graduates high school this year.  I'm scared and excited to fly to Baltimore.  I haven't seen Shelby since she moved with her father and I have never been to Baltimore or even Maryland. So this will be interesting.  I miss her.

I went to Tailgaters in Antioch for the first time today.  Had some Arrogant Bastard beer and chicken wings. MMMMM Beer and wings, yes please!  I learned they have Goldfish Derbies.  I think that is so cool; I'll have to go back to try it out sometime.  The bartender Rob is a cool dude.  If you go to Tailgaters in Brentwood or Antioch, sit at the bar and hopefully you'll meet Rob.


Question: In one word, What do you want most from your relationship?

Answer: Communication

Day 11 & 12 of Lent: Santa Cruz & a Birthday.

Saturday March 15, 2014

My sanctuary. 

Headed out to Santa Cruz with JW and the girls. We brought home made sandwiches and snacks for the day.  We visited The Mystery Spot  before going to the beach; I had never been there before.  I love science and the mysteries of the world, but I was not impressed, I don't know why.  The only thing that made it fun was the company I had.  It was nice to see them having a good time and that's what made it worth it.  I was so excited to be at the beach.  We didn't go the the beach at the Boardwalk because it's too crowded.  I dislike large crowds.  We found a nice spot and i actually stripped down to my bikini.  Can you believe it?  I can't, I was self conscious about it.  I still have a lot of insecurities about myself and it's hard for me to run around in very little clothing.  We tanned for a little bit and then went for a little walk down the beach.

You know, I have never been inside a lighthouse.  I need to add it to my Bucket List

We went to the Boardwalk and walked around, did some people watching, and had a deep fried twinkie for the first time.  I thought it was a little too sweet for me, but I would have another.  I got a little turtle made of shells and we named him Cruz.  We only went on one ride, the Sky glider (I think that's what it was called).  I am terrified of heights, but it was still fun, well until it stopped.  I'm such a baby.  JW and I went to the bowling alley near by and grabbed a couple beers before heading back to the Arcade to play a couple games.  Once we all met up again we played mini golf before heading home, and well I suck at mini golf, but I had a lot of fun.

Cruz the Turtle. 

Sunday March 16, 2014

Happy 14th Birthday to my mini me.  We already celebrated her birthday last week and she was supposed to celebrate with her fathers side of the family today.  All she ended up doing was going to lunch with her grandparents.  She will have a party on the 23rd.  She slept most of the day because she wasn't feeling well.  Poor kid.  Nothing much else happened. We watched movies and hung out.  It was a nice relaxing Sunday.  

Looking Fabulous... 

Question by Jo Estes:  If anything, What is the one thing you would do differently and why?  Also, How do past experiences affect the person you are today & the choices you make? 

I wouldn't change a thing in my life. Even the hardest times, the times when i was at my lowest,  I would change nothing. But, IF I had to pick at least one thing, it would be that I continued college when I first attended.  Though if I did, my life would be completely different and I wouldn't be who I am and I wouldn't have the great friends I do today.  The experiences I've had in my life, good and bad, have taught me to love, accept myself and others for who we are, and understand that nothing is forever.  I appreciate what I have, forgive myself and others for our mistakes, and live life as it comes.

  

Lent Day Ten Friday March 14: I'm Excited

Such pretty flowers. Thanks JW

Last night (Thursday), I went out to dinner & a walk with JW and we had a nice time.  We always have a good time, at least I think so.  I might be wrong, who knows.  JW invited me to go to the beach with him and of course I said yes.  The ocean is my sanctuary and my place to reflect, refocus, and gain perspective.   The ocean is the best place to meditate in my opinion.  I am so excited to see the ocean again.

Oh by the way, did I mention how awesome my friend JW is?  He brought me some lovely Daffodils on Wednesday after my meltdown.  I can't tell you how much I appreciate my close friends and all they do.

Question: Where do you go to find peace?

Answer: Nature is the best answer, though it's not really a where.  When I need to find peace, clear my head, or meditate, I go for a walk or I'll bart to San Francisco and enjoy the beach.  Sometimes I will sit and just listen to the world around me.  It calms me and gives me a chance to refocus.

Lent Day Nine, March 13:I need to Relax

Creator & Author Unknown 

After yesterdays cry & whine fest,  and my venting to a friend. I ended up taking a couple Melatonin and crash.  It helped, this morning I felt a bit better and decided to get out and go for a nice walk this morning.  I was originally going to walk up to Black Diamond Mines, but instead I took a path that lead me to Canal Park and I enjoyed some time on the swings.  I went home more relaxed, and I had some time to reflect and write.  I think I need to really find out why my past likes to creep up on me, or more so, why I allow it to.  The above picture states "It's okay to have a meltdown." Well there was a time I had a meltdown almost daily.  I had a hard time controlling my emotions.  I also had a hard time facing my fears and my past.  I had not only unpacked, but I was living in a state of disaster.

Over the last few years I have been working on not allowing my emotions to run my life, but to pay attention and try to understand what and why i felt the way I do.  I have worked hard at not letting my emotions overwhelm me, but as you can see form many of my older entries I am still very much an emotional being.  I still have my meltdowns, just not as often and I can usually pinpoint why I am freaking out.  So today I sit and write what is bothering me and tell myself to find where the past and present are colliding and figure out what i need to do about it.  For the most part, I just need to accept the past as it is- The Past, forgive what was done and myself, and move forward.  It sounds simple enough, but nothing is ever as simple as it seems.  So, it's a work in progress and that's okay.

It was so pretty and meditative walking this trail in the early morning.

First thing I thought when i realized where the trail took me: "oooh swings, YAY!"

Swings can be so therapeutic.  As I sat there swaying back and forth, I closed my eyes and just let my mind drift off.



















Question: Who was there for you when no one else was?

For a long time I had no one.  Then I met Ellen, She was there for me during one of my hardest times, I also have Virginia, Becca, and Michelle.  They all have been there for me when I needed someone the most. Thank you so much for your friendships ladies.  You are much appreciated.

Day Six and Seven of Lent: Not all that exciting

Day six started a bit slow. I woke up with another headache, putting in me in bed for longer than I wanted.  I was hoping to get up and exercise, but that didn't happen.  I had a nice visit from a friend and I ended up doing some of my workout before bed.  Not much else went on.  It was a good but unproductive day.

Day seven was okay.  I did a little exercising and walked to pick up pizza for dinner.  Not much else today. I've been lazy the last few days because I'm PMSing.

Boring as hell, right?

So here are my questions for the two days....

Day six: What always helps lift you up when you're feeling down?

Music always helps lift my spirits.  Also having someone or some way to vent my frustrations.  I am hoping fitness will become a new way to uplift my mood and I won't need people to help me anymore. I don't really like venting to people like I used to.

Day seven (from a friend): What is more important, taking care of others or yourself first?

My answer is you must take care of yourself before you can take care of others.  You can't take care of another if you cannot take care of yourself.

Lent day Five: Ready for a Challenge

The day started with a hangover like feeling.  I think the very little sugar I had yesterday may be the cause, or maybe the caffeine from my tea.  I had an awful headache.  I got up to make the girls from Samantha's slumber party pancakes and bacon.  Chocolate chip pancakes were made for the first time. I'm not really a fan of them, but the girls liked them.  I chose a BLT instead.  We watched Nine Dead and I thought it was interesting.  It's like a mystery/psychological thriller type movie.  The girls all left before 2 pm. YAY! I thought they were staying past dinner, because Samantha invited them to stay that long.  Now that the kids are gone I can relax and clean up the house. Ha ha, yup cleaning house was relaxing for the moment.  I need to clear my head and think things through.  I have some things on my mind and in my heart that need to be worked out.  I'll go for a walk after dinner to help.

We made:
Hershey's cookies and cream cookies,
Brownies,
Blueberry cheese cake (also I bought one too),
Home made Oreo McFlurries,
Nachos for dinner
Nuka Cola (Fallout video game drink)
Chocolate chip pancakes with bacon for breakfast.









Tomorrow is the start of my 30 Day Challenges.  I will do Marc and Angels Challenge called 30 Challenges for 30 days of Growth.  I got it as a free download. Yay for free! According to the challenge I have to do these challenges for the full 30 days. A new challenge each day, but I must continue to do each challenge EVERYDAY! So as I add a challenge each day I will still be doing day ones challenge. This will be a challenge for sure and I'm excited.

Also, I will start a variety of fitness challenges that I am going to put together and make my own fitness challenge, sorta. We'll see how it goes.  If you would like to join me in my fitness challenge I will post a separate entry about how I will be challenging myself.

Question of the day: What does every good relationship have?

Communication- an honest, open, and trusting communication.  It's very important that people are not afraid to express their feelings with one another.  Be honest, open, trustworthy, understanding, and thoughtful in all communications in any relationship.

Lent Day Four: Blah.

Okay, I'm not really eating pumpkin anything, though pumpkin pie does sound good.  I had things I shouldn't today, but it was worth it.  Tonight is my daughters 14th birthday sleep over.  I'll post more about her party and what I ate tomorrow after everyone goes home.  I had a good day besides cheating on my Lent.  I knew I would because it was Samantha's party.  I had a healthy breakfast and lunch, fish and veggies.  Dinner was a little more open. haha...

I am now just sitting in my room reading, writing, and researching.  Keeping to myself while Samantha and her friends have a good time.  I'm working on a relationship blog I have been wanting to post. It seems harder than I thought, or maybe I am over thinking it.  Eh, who knows...

Question of the Day: If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in only three words?

Answer: Believe in yourself.

Lent Day Three: Not so Fast

It's Friday day three, and I'm supposed to fast all day.  I ended up getting ill and I'm not sure why.  Nausea was something awful today. It was so bad I ended up eating.  Once I ate lunch I felt so much better.  So, I think I will have to change the fasting to fresh fruits and veggies only on Wednesdays and Fridays.  I have never had a problem with fasting before.  I think I need to re-educate myself on fasting.  I prepped my food for the next two days, fish and asparagus, with hard boiled eggs.  I'll make me some iced tea tomorrow for the day.

Not much else to talk about really, Samantha's birthday party is tomorrow evening.   Lord help me with a house full of teenage girls.

Question of the day: What activities help you feel most like yourself?

Writing is definitely one of the activities.  I enjoy writing and expressing myself.  Putting my idiotic randomness onto paper or in a blog entry helps me see myself and focus on what I am feeling or thinking more clearly.  Reading is another,  yeah that might sound funny, but I like to get lost in a world that is not my own.

I've been writing more lately than I have in a long time.

Lent: Day Two - I'm Hungry

I don't think the fasting is going to go well. I was so hungry yesterday.  Today I woke up early and headed to the grocery store to get a few things.   I didn't feel hungry until i was in the store smelling all the random food.  I didn't even make it out of the parking lot before I opened up the bagged salad and started eating.  I won't do that again.  I feel low on energy, but maintaining.  I had a few beers and dinner at Extreme Pizza before heading out to watch a local play.  I don't think I drank enough water today and must remember to drink at least 80 oz a day.

Tomorrow I fast again. We'll see how it goes; If I don't feel well or have a hard time I will change Wednesdays and Fridays fasting to fresh fruits and veggies only.  I can't have my health suffer over Lent or anything else.  

Question of the Day: What do you like most about being alone?

My answer is the option to be in my home privately and enjoy the silence or to be in out in the world and enjoy nature.  Though I live in an apartment and can hear the neighbors most of the time.  I have found ways to enjoy my time alone reading, writing, and even meditating with no interruptions.  If the neighbors are too loud I will put on some music.  Maybe even dance in the nude. Yes I enjoy being in the nude often when I am alone.  Sometimes I can't find alone time in my home, so I will go for a walk and enjoy the solitude of being in the world.  It helps me think, plan, and clear my head when I'm upset or confused.  Sometimes I will hike up into Black Diamond Mines and sit quietly, enjoying nature.  Being alone helps me refocus, regain my inner-self, and relax.

Lent is Here! Day One

It's the first day of Lent, Ash wednesday.  I am fasting today, having only tea and water.  I am starving since I didn't eat dinner last night and had one to many drinks for Fat Tuesday.  That was not a good decision. I am very disappointed in myself at the moment.  I had a great time with a few close friends.  I should have ate more though.  Oh well, lesson learned.

I decided to weigh myself  (150 lbs.) and take pictures to post later. I want to see if there is a difference in my body shape and weight at the end of Lent. Though I am not doing this for weight loss, I would like to keep track.  I said in my last entry that I would be doing a 30 day fitness challenge and a writing challenge as well.  I will write more as I start them on Monday.

I have been working on this entry most of the day and all I can think about is tacos... Yes tacos- Jack in the Box tacos or Taco Bell tacos.  I just want some fast food tacos.

Lets do the Question of the Day shall we...

From www.thoughtquestions.com

What's one bad habit we are all better off without?

My answer is negative self thinking.  We have enough people in society telling us what they think we need or want to be.  Telling us we're not good enough, we will never make it in life, and a million other ugly comments. Many of us don't know how to get past the negative self talk because we were raised in a home with so much negative ideas. I know this all too well, for I was that child.  We break ourselves down with doubt, fear, and self abuse.  We are taught that if we are not perfect in someone else's eyes, then we are worthless.  Somehow our self worth becomes someone else's decision. Our minds become clouded with doubt, jealousy, and hate.  Some people manifest this into negative thoughts and behavior towards others.  They become bullies and doubt everyone else because they could never see past their own self negativity.  It took me years to learn to let go of my self hate and doubts; to stop questioning my choices in life based on someone else's ideas of me, their idea of what i was worth.  Looking back, I wasn't worth anything at all to them.  I was just an object either in the way, a burden, only useful when the time came for whatever they had in store for me.  Sometimes I still doubt myself, who doesn't?  I sometimes go back to those negative ideas and thoughts, I forget my worth for a moment, and I have to stop myself.  I have to remind myself that I am not the person others tried to tell me I was.

I will leave you with a quote

Lent Is Near

Tomorrow is Fat Tuesday!  Indulge in your sins...  I know I'm going for coffee with my friend Emma and talk about furthering our education.  I'm more excited to catch up with her and hopefully talk about fitness too.

Lent is coming, Lent is coming and guess what? I still have no idea what to give up besides soda.  I want to do the bad carbs and or refined sugars.  The problem is I just don't know enough to give 100%.  I have to give 100% or I won't feel that I completed Lent.  So, I think I will go with No junk food (mostly to remove refined sugars), Soda (again sugars), and processed foods (no pre-made/boxed/packaged crap). I think that would be a good start to better choices in the long run and removing sugars and carbs I do not need.  Also, it will give me time to learn more about good and bad carbs.  Yes?  Sounds good to me.  I will also be fasting on Wednesdays and Fridays- tea and water only.

I will restart an old workout challenge I want to do.  I'll post more about this in detail tomorrow.  I would also like to work on some writing and self awareness.  I will answer one question each day, something about myself, my opinions, beliefs and what not.  If you have a question you would like me to answer, feel free to message me or comment below.  During Lent I will  be working on a new 30 day project.  It will go with my question of the day.   It is called 30 Challenges for 30 days of Growth by marcandangel.com.  I found Marc and Angel on G+ and I enjoy their website.  So I thought I would give their challenge a try during Lent.  I will also use some of their questions for my Question of the Day.  I feel that this will be a great way for me to really get in touch with myself (haha touch myself, yeah okay, it's not funny).  Seriously, I think this will be good for me and I would like it if you would consider doing the same.

I think that's it for now.  I'm tired and waited till way to late to write.  I'll give you the low down on how blogging will be for Lent and where the challenges will fit in.

Good night

Lisa

Lent is Coming

Yes my friends, Lent will be upon us in three weeks.  Wait, three weeks?  POOP! I don't have much time.   I am still not sure what I want to give up.  Since I started participating in Lent, I have always given up the same things.  Beef, Pork, Soda, Dining out, and Junk Food.  Once I gave up sex (including masturbation and porn); It was horrible.

I rarely eat pork these days. Mostly bacon and that's only once or twice a month.  We eat beef more now and less chicken.  Dining out isn't like it used to be.  I rarely eat fast food (though Samantha and I ate McDonalds twice last week).  Junk food and soda are still high on my list of things I eat in excess.  Maybe I should give up Bad Carbs.   Junk food and soda are part of the bad carb family, so I think it makes sense, yes?  I was also thinking about doing the Daniel Fast, but you can't drink tea.  Then there was the no processed food idea as well.  I think the no bad carb idea may be best.  It combines the bad carb and processed food together.  I still have three weeks to get ideas, so if you have one, let me know.  

I want to do something a bit different this year on top of my blogging daily about Lent.  I want to do a writing exercise.  I need 40 questions or topics to write about.  I'm looking for topics that will be thought provoking, emotional, and give me an opportunity to reflect on past experiences and really look into myself.  If you have a topic you would like me to write about or a question you would like me to answer.  Send them my way.  If I don't get 40 that's okay.  I would like as many as I can get.


That's all for now.  Good night and sweet dreams.

Your Friend,

Lisa

Who am I?

Who, what, why, when, where, how...

Those pesky questions always lingering.
Who am I?
What kind of person am I?
Why am I this way, can I change it?
When did I become who I am today?
Where do I go from here?
How do I change what I don't like about myself?

Have you ever asked yourself these questions? They have been on my mind lately. I am having a hard time answering them. Maybe if I blog my thoughts on each question separately I can figure out the answers. Because writing all my thoughts about all questions in a notebook is not working.

Survey says...1

[Finish The Sentence]

If I could choose another name for myself, it would be ...
When I was a kid I wanted to be Samantha, but I gave it to my kid, so I choose Starrla Anne (Starr for short)

On my birthday, I like to ...
I don't know, I've only celebrated my birthday twice really.

My closet is ...
A mess, will be working on this weekend

The last place you'd ever find me is ...
At  a Circus - Clowns are scary

If I had $100 right now, I would ...
Pay bills

After I shower, I always ...
Dry my hair first

My dog always ...
used to bite my sister

When watching a movie, I prefer to snack on ...
whatever is available... hehe

This summer, I plan on ...
Trying something new A LOT!

If someone could read my mind right now, they'd probably hear ...
"Wow, I really need to stop thinking pervy thoughts for every question."

The last letter of my surname is ...
Z

My musical tastes are ...
ecletic. Varied as can be.

I'm always taking pictures of ...
random things.

When I look to my left, I see ...
A Messy closet

I can't wait until ...
it's May Friday the 13th... dun dun dun

The next concert I'm going to is ...
I have no idea

Right now, I'm listening to ...
Don't hold me down by Colbie Caillat

I would love it if ...
I could get out of this rut I am in

The colour of the shirt I'm wearing is ...
Yellow

I have never ...
met you, yet.

The last text message I received was from ...
RyC

I'm not pleased with ...
Myself

My latest addiction is ...
Keni Styles

I only kinda like ...
My life right now

My parents ...
are still married. Can you say that about yours?

If I won an all-expenses-paid trip somewhere, I'd choose to go to ...
Hawaii, New York, Texas, Michigan... one of those

I want to have a deep conversation with ...
My teenage self or myself 2 days before my death

The last thing I ate for dinner was ...
Chili

I'd love to be interviewed by ...
Keni Styles (blogger/porn star), Cakalusa (blogger), Dante Basco (actor), or My teenage self.