2012 so far

I've been writing more in an actual journal rather than on here. I feel as if I haven't had time to really blog, though I want to. Maybe I should make time. Right?...Right!

It's been a busy start to the year. I participated in an employment workshop to help me revamp my job searching skills, resume, and other goodies of life. I have an interview on Monday to be a Youth Leader for underprivileged kids. It's part time and I believe for only 6 months. That's okay with me. I can use the time to go back to school and better myself. There has been a lot going on in my neighborhood as well. I have been packing and sorting my belongings which has been a chore from hell. I have way too much stuff. Why am I packing you ask? Next week I will get newly vamped kitchen and bathrooms. Pretty cool huh? I heard the bathrooms will have HUGE mirrors and the kitchen looks much better. I'm a little excited to see the finished product. During this time I will have to stay at the Ramada Inn. Paid by the Apartment Management of course. The last few months i have been also been helping my ex Ryan prepare for a move. I have been going to San Francisco every few weeks. I think the weekend of the 16th may be my last in San Francisco. Though we are no longer a couple (yet still friends) it has been a painful journey. I may not live there but I feel a bit sad that he is moving away. I really enjoyed having a place to stay while in San Francisco and being around Ryan and his family (mother & sister). I will truly miss that house and cherish the memories I have from my visits.

I have updated my bucket list and made a short to midterm goal list. I have 4 things I really want to accomplish within the next 5 years and I have listed them in in order of how much time it will take me to accomplish them. I am turning 35 this year and all that I had hoped for and where I thought I would be by my birthday this year fell apart when Ryan left. So I have to start over and I will have to achieve these goals alone instead of with a partner. Not having someone to cheer me on and be a part of it all will make the goals much harder to accomplish and a little lonely.  One of my goals may not be able to happen at all. I don't know yet and will take the necessary steps to find out how far I can go on my own. The second to last part of this specific goal needs a second person or it won't work at all. We'll just have to wait and see.

I am participating in Lent again this year though I have not posted like I did last year. I have been doing Facebook photo posts this time around. Maybe I will bring that to the blog as well. I will leave this blog as is. I wish you good night and sweet dreams.

Lisa

It's 2 am

   I can't sleep again. So I finished my revised Bucket List. You can find it above my posts. I figured that would be the best place to put it. An easy way to find it whenever I or someone else wants to check up on it.
 I posted my bucket list on Facebook, Myspace, and Tumblr as well. I am hoping it will help someone else start or add to their bucket list. I found some of my ideas on Tumblr. there are some great visual bucket lists on Tumblr and it helped me decide if those were things I would really want to do. I removed some stuff and added a ton more. I know a Bucket List is never truly complete. There is always something more to add.
 I went to Target today to get a few things. One was a journal, I found one I liked and was holding it while I looked at what else there was. I saw something I thought a special friend would like. without thinking I set the journal I wanted down and picked up the other item. I looked it over and thought it would be a great gift. I put the item for my friend in the basket and totally forgot about the journal I wanted. So in the morning I will go back and get my journal. I'm such a dork.
 I just noticed that while I type I don't always hit the I at the right time and it doesn't get capitalized. Poor I is neglected by me.

1.25.12

I haven't been blogging and I apologize. I think I said it the last time too. Oh well. So on with my day.

I've been looking for work, and I found a few classes i would like to take to help me better my chances at finding the job I want. Now it's time to make a plan, right? As soon as I get out of bed. Let me tell you depression is a bitch and when she gets a hold of you, you really have to fight to get away. My moods are erratic to say the least. I have bouts of uncontrollable crying (really annoying). Then out of nowhere I feel great, maybe I'm bipolar... I really hope not. Many years ago when i did go to therapy (YES I WENT) I was told I have Borderline Personality Disorder. It's similar to Bipolar but not really. I honestly thought I had it under control, started thinking that maybe my therapist didn't know what she was talking about. Then my erratic behavior would creep up on me again. I don't think before I speak or do anything. I just do it or say it. I have boundary issues (I don't have any boundaries and thats the problem). I am a risk taker and i have a horrible anxiety issue. The best way to describe it is like the angel and devil on your shoulder. They take turns doing what they want and I'm stuck in the middle.

I know that this is all random and off but it's how I feel right now.


Kids are home from school. I'll have to finish this later.

I am thankful for...

My children_ My reason for living. I don't know what I will do when they are all grown up and move away.

My parents _ I wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for them.

My home_ Though there are some bad days living in the projects. I can't complain. I don't live with my parents or other family member. I don't have to worry about rules or people I don't know coming through. This is MY HOME, it's my way or GTFO!

The experiences I’ve had_ I have been through some amazing experiences, but I have also dealt with some horrible ones as well. They all made me who I am today. STRONGER

Music & Art_ Both have helped me through many hard times and celebrated with me in good times. I can’t live without it.

Sex & Porn_ Yes please & Thank you :) Sadly it's more like Porn & self love, but it's better than nothing at all.

My friends_ who bravely stay with me even though they thought “damn, that chick is a stuck up bitch” when they first met me, then “damn she’s hella cool, super honest, doesn’t give a fuck, … holy shit this bitch is crazy” as we got to know each other.. then ” why the fuck am I friends with her… oh that’s right cause this bitch is crazy” :) THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME ALL THESE YEARS!

Thank you

Sway

I want to learn this song.

Survey says...1

[Finish The Sentence]

If I could choose another name for myself, it would be ...
When I was a kid I wanted to be Samantha, but I gave it to my kid, so I choose Starrla Anne (Starr for short)

On my birthday, I like to ...
I don't know, I've only celebrated my birthday twice really.

My closet is ...
A mess, will be working on this weekend

The last place you'd ever find me is ...
At  a Circus - Clowns are scary

If I had $100 right now, I would ...
Pay bills

After I shower, I always ...
Dry my hair first

My dog always ...
used to bite my sister

When watching a movie, I prefer to snack on ...
whatever is available... hehe

This summer, I plan on ...
Trying something new A LOT!

If someone could read my mind right now, they'd probably hear ...
"Wow, I really need to stop thinking pervy thoughts for every question."

The last letter of my surname is ...
Z

My musical tastes are ...
ecletic. Varied as can be.

I'm always taking pictures of ...
random things.

When I look to my left, I see ...
A Messy closet

I can't wait until ...
it's May Friday the 13th... dun dun dun

The next concert I'm going to is ...
I have no idea

Right now, I'm listening to ...
Don't hold me down by Colbie Caillat

I would love it if ...
I could get out of this rut I am in

The colour of the shirt I'm wearing is ...
Yellow

I have never ...
met you, yet.

The last text message I received was from ...
RyC

I'm not pleased with ...
Myself

My latest addiction is ...
Keni Styles

I only kinda like ...
My life right now

My parents ...
are still married. Can you say that about yours?

If I won an all-expenses-paid trip somewhere, I'd choose to go to ...
Hawaii, New York, Texas, Michigan... one of those

I want to have a deep conversation with ...
My teenage self or myself 2 days before my death

The last thing I ate for dinner was ...
Chili

I'd love to be interviewed by ...
Keni Styles (blogger/porn star), Cakalusa (blogger), Dante Basco (actor), or My teenage self.

Coming Up... B2B

Bay to Breakers a.k.a B2B is almost here. I am excited and super nervous at the same time. This will be my first race, but I'm only walking/jogging it. I am staying in San Francisco the whole weekend. My friend is hosting. What a nice guy. I am supposed to get a cool shirt to wear for Bay to Breakers from Kreations of Total Kontrol. I'll let you know which one as soon as I know. I asked for the Bridge tee, but I said I will take whatever they have available. I really want the SHHHH Tee as well. Their S.W.A.G tee (Something We Asians Got) is pretty awesome too. I can't wear that one though, I'm not Asian. Though I was asked once if I was Filipino because I was wearing a Filipino Tee. The person who asked was Filipino. Look at my Profile pic and tell me, do I look Filipino to you? It made me smile, but at the same time I was thinking *Please stop smoking weed it makes you look stupid*. I love Filipino culture, well any Asian culture (I have an Asian Fetish/obsession). Well I'll leave the rest of the Asian stuff for another blog.

I have been doing a walk/jog interval set everyday for a month. 3 minutes walk/2 minutes jog. I am about to step up my game for the next 2 weeks. I will try to jog as much as i can by flipping the times and also adding some kind of squat exercises to my walks. I am also drinking as much water as I can, but I need to cut out the junk food. Boy do I love cookies and candy. Every time I go to the store I buy a candy bar or cookies for the walk home. A little counter productive, don't you think? I gave up meat, soda, dining out and sex for Lent which helped a little. I would love any ideas on how to train for these types of races/marathons.

*copied from my other blog because I'm lazy*