Thanks, but no thanks.

Thanksgiving week was busy. So busy that I gladly agreed to run away for the weekend.
I started school for a medical secretary certificate this week. What a weird time to start. I'm taking Medical Terminology, Computer Concepts, and Customer Service 101. I don't get a choice in what I take, but so far I like it. I cooked for thanksgiving this year. I made pumpkin pie, yams and stuffing for the first time. I usually buy pies and stuffing pre-made. Everything came out good. The turkey, yams & pie supplies actually came from Samanthas school. She won the 7th grade girls Turkey Trot. The prize included supplies for a turkey dinner.

I don't do the shopping on black friday or anything. I hate the weekend after Thanksgiving. I normally hide in my home. But this weekend I am being taken away to somewhere cold. I have no idea what is in store for me.

Just for now...

Quick Hello before i head out again.

1. I start school on Monday WOOHOO!
2. My daughter won something called the Turkey Trot at school.
3. I scratched a mole on my face and now it looks infected so, my face looks scary.
4. I forgot to wash off my make up and I looked like a crying psycho ex-girlfriend when i got out of the shower.
5. Anxiety attacks are back. May have to be medicated again.
6. Thanksgiving is at my house this year. I dont have enough chairs or tables. Oh well!
7. My next door neighbors are moving out today. Which means by Christmas I will have new neighbors and I have no idea what I'll get. YAY?!


I'll have a proper blog later today. I have to go pick up the Turkey Trot prize for my daughter.  Then its off to bowling. I have all these half started blogs, i need to finish them all. Time to run. I'll explain the above crap later.
~Lisa

Retreating into my shell.

I had been working on blogs to post this past week. I even posted on Facebook that they would be up before and on Halloween. Well, that didn't happen. Tuesday the 30th I had a horrible migraine. I just barely functioned through the day. I kept the house dark with only the computer screen and stove light on. I had a hard time sleeping that night, and by the time I fell deep asleep it had to be around 6:30 am.
I woke up around 10am Halloween, and supposedly missed out on some excitement in the neighborhood. I cannot go into detail, but it is very serious. This is only a small part of the situation. More crazy things happened since that "excitement" and I had to call Police for help. I am okay and the other people involved are also okay. It was a scary situation, but things will get better.  Though I am proud to be open about my life. This blog and my social networking sites may be the excuse used to discredit me. But, go ahead, I am an adult and I can do what I like as long as I am not hurting anyone or doing anything illegal. I am voicing my opinion and sharing my life with the world. I am mentally preparing myself for the possibilities of what may come. I am tracing my steps online and doing searches on myself. I will not delete anything because that will make it seem as if I have something to hide. Which I do not. I have a feeling the situation will get very ugly before things get better. So I am trying to prepare myself the best I can emotionally for possible future whatever. Hopefully this situation does not actually involve me and I can easily move on.

This incident has brought me to a place that I do not like. I am becoming fearful again and even a little paranoid. I don't know who I can trust. I am now wondering if I should become more private. I can keep blogging and doing social networking, but I will refrain from discussing many topics and not really being myself.  I may just refrain from using any social networking for a while. Being open on just about everything and anything can make you a target. A target for judgement, bullying, and harrassment. There is a reason why you don't give out to much info about yourself. Though I dont give out my address and other private information, I do let people know my opinions and what kind of lifestyle I lead. I'm not sure yet if my online behavior has made this situation worse. I wish i could just openly tell you what has been going on, but at this moment i am not sure I can give you more than i already have.
 A part of me wants to return to that protective crab shell and be forgotten. Then a part of me whats to keep being my crazy self and not worrying about it. If I hide away, doesn't that mean they win? I don't want them to win anything. So what do I do? Hide away,  keep being open, or find some kind of middle ground? Is there a middle ground? I really don't know at this time. I have so many thoughts running through my head. I can't think straight right now. So for now I will keep to myself and hide away in my shell. I'll try to find other things to blog about to keep my mind off the situaton.

Sunday Morning Post.

Today is laundry day, clean the kitchen day and why do I have to be in pain day.

YAY!!! Okay not really, I had such a hard time sleeping last night. My back didn't want me to be comfortable. I tossed and turned most of the night. Then Samantha decided she wanted to sleep in my bed too. Which meant I would get a small portion of my Queen sized bed and she would have the rest. That girl sleeps in weird poses. Plus she kicks and punches in her sleep.

I'm tired, but want to get shit done today. So please please back, let me get it done. The sad part is that it's a beautiful day and I could be at the park, but no, I'm home cleaning house. Oh well. I'll blog later.




Have a great day kids!

xoxo,

Lisa

No expectations, little hope, and much doubt

I try hard to not expect anything from anyone. People lie, keep secrets, pretend, and flip flop. People change minds, feelings, and hearts faster than ever these days. With no expectations of others brings hopes and doubts in my mind. I hope to find someone someday who can except me as is. It takes a strong person to accept and want damaged goods. I hope that i have the friends i think i have. But... i have doubt.  It sits quietly waiting for the right moment to creep in and give me reasons to question others sincerity.  Why is it so hard for me to believe there are people that care, that i can count on and trust? Why do i fear friendship or any type of relationship? This is something new for me. I don't like this new fear i have within me. I expect nothing, doubt many things, and my hope is diminishing. I keep telling myself to try one more time, but whats the point. I am ready to give up, give in and let go.

Frustrated to say the least.

I have been trying to revamp my blog for the past 2 hours. I have changed the template and colors multiple times. I just can't find a color scheme i like. This shouldn't be so damn hard. I think I may need some outside help with this because I am so stuck.  Nothing seems to reflect me at this time in my life. Maybe that's because i feel I am at a crossroads and havent decided which path to take yet.

I need a hot air balloon to take me up above all that is in my life so I can get an idea as where to go. Then maybe once I know my path I can find a theme that fits me. hahahaha yeah right.

Back to the frustration of making my blog pretty.  Maybe i should go back to basics.

~Lisa

What's the Plan Stan?

Stan has no idea. Why? Well because I don't know anyone named Stan. At least I don't think I do but, if there is a Stan that knows the plan, he better share.

I am trying to write out a plan for my blogging. First in the plan is to write everyday. Even if it's something lame. I was trying out some writing exercises from a few sites. Maybe I will use those as fillers when I have a hard time. I am a writer who likes to interact with others, so I will have to think of some blogs that can include all of you. I think I will have to read through all my old blogs and see what  is unfinished. I can continue with old blogs and complete blogging projects I forgot about. That sounds like a start, right?

I am reevaluating my bucket list at the moment. I hope to have some new and exciting things to add. One will be me challenging myself to face some of my fears. We'll see how that goes.  Minus Clowns, I will never attempt to deal with Clowns. They scare me to death and with halloween here, I have to see them a lot.

So, I am looking for some blogging and bucket list ideas. It would be awesome if you can help me out.


Some other plans in the works-

1. I will be doing something like Lent for the Holidays. The rules are the same, but the dates are Day after Thanksgiving to Christmas Day (for you if you want to participate) or New Years Day (this one is for me).
- No beef, pork, soda/ coffee (which ever is your addiction), no fast food, no junk food.
We all over indulge durring the Holidays so I thought this would be a good idea to try. I don't celebrate Christmas Day, so I don't have to worry about over eating, though I will not be able to have my favorite spiral ham. I guess I can have it for New Years Day dinner.

2. Planning on going back to school. Cross your fingers it all works out. I will hopefully know something by the end of next week.

3. I am late for my Fall Cleaning, so I will be doing that for the next 2 weeks.  I will sell, barter, or give away anything that I no longer NEED on Craigslist. Hopefully that goes well. I sold my air conditioner, and gave away my table on there, so I think I will be okay.

I think this is it for now. I'm going to go watch some movies and have adult conversation with a good friend of mine. After a day of horrid menstrual cramps and headache, I need some relaxing.